Please anyone help - I need breastfeeding support

[aliceinwonderland2]

I had my baby almost 3 days ago. I’m in hospital on the postnatal ward. I am really trying to breastfeed but really beginning to lose all confidence and currently sat in my bed having a cry to myself at a complete loss - I couldn’t birth my baby by myself and now I’m failing at feeding my baby too. I feel like I’m already failing at motherhood.

My baby was weighed today and lost 9.9% of her birth weight. She had a slow start, but over the past 2 days I feel like she has really picked up. The midwife that has been looking after us at night has been brilliant and so reassuring and confidence boosting, and she agrees that baby is latched much better now, she has a big wide mouth and deep sucks, and feeds every 3 hours for about 20 minutes and stays on and is really settled during and after a feed. Today though, I was looked after by a midwife who made me feel like I’m failing. She doesn’t think my baby is swallowing enough because she can’t hear the swallows, and she also said I should have more milk than I do at the moment (she said most women can get 10 mls of milk when they express on day 3 but I can only get 2-3 mls of colostrum because my milk hasn’t come through yet).
She made me feel so awful and as though I’m starving my baby that I agreed to giving baby formula bottles mostly today.

I am annoyed at myself for not challenging that more now, because I’ve been researching and there’s some information out there that says that it can take up to 5 days for your milk to come in and also that when your milk isn’t in, sometimes it’s difficult to heat baby swallowing because the amounts are so small.

I know she has lost lots of weight and I don’t want to make her ill if she truly isn’t getting any colostrum but she wakes for breastfeeds regularly and seems so content during and after feeds that I can’t understand how she can be starving like the midwife made out to me?
She’s been having lots of good wet and dirty nappies too.

Do you think the midwife is right and I should be giving bottles because my milk hasn’t come in yet? And should we be hearing big swallows?

I’d really appreciate your advice or experiences because I’d so love to breastfeed and I really felt it has been going well.

*if I’m honest

Its ok to supplement with formula for now, it doesnt mean you will always have to.
Use the “break” to rest (try not to get out of bed except for food and the loo and the odd circulation boost for ten days). Keep putting baby to the breast and let her feed for as long as possible.

As soon as your milk comes in, pump, or hand express it all out to prevent blockage and to increase supply. Hand expressuon is nicer. Warm hands, a warm wet soft cloth, look up manual expression of milk and do it when you feel the milk surging in. Use lanolin nipple cream if you need.
And night feeding is very helpful for building supply, higher oxytocin levels or something help to increase supply. So feed in bed (remove pillows and quilts) and sleep when your baby sleeps.
All the best, you are doing well and the delayed milk sounds normal after a c-section. colostrum is magic so get that into Baby as much as possible. It is a serum so there is no gush of liquid. the midwife who is trying her best to help you though and means well for both you and baby

You are very welcome x

When you are feeling up to it in the morning, look at that Kelly Mom link that someone has posted - it’ll give you a little bit more knowledge of the physiology and understanding and you’ll hopefully be able to recognise the signs of effective feeds for yourself.

You are truly are doing a fantastic job 😘

It takes time to get the hang of breastfeeding. Your first post could have been written by me 23 years ago! I did give our daughter formula but not out of a bottle, but out of a tiny cup(25 ml cup). It took a few weeks before I was comfortable.

I had two other children and breastfeeding was easy. You are doing well. Don’t worry.

How are things this morning? X

To be honest I've never been that good at telling when mine is swallowing and she's 9 months. As people have said it's normal for them to lose weight, it's not a sign of failing breastfeeding. It's also normal for to just want some comfort suckling and they don't drink large volumes at this age

I'm currently watching my breastfed 6 month old sleep on the monitor. She was a tiny baby at 6lbs 2 and lost 8% of her birthweight by day 5. However she's now on the 92nd (!!!) centile for weight just due to breastfeeding. My milk also didn't come in until day 5 and I never heard her swallow. I was lucky though that I was discharged the day after I gave birth so I just kept feeding her and there was no one to worry me with stupid comments about hearing swallows!

You’re doing a great job! Breastfeeding is hard, keep going and your milk will come in soon.
I’m 4 weeks in and it does get easier.

How are you doing OP? Your story sounds very familiar to mine with my first born, particularly the contradictory HCP advice.

The best thing I can say is that at any murmur or twitch which might be an “is that baby hungry” move, latch the baby on. The sucking will stimulate the milk, and more practice the better.

Take care of yourself, you haven’t failed at anything.

I haven't RTFT but my milk took at least 5 days to come in (did you have a traumatic birth/blood loss?). Your anxiety is understandable and I'm sorry this arse of a midwife has made you doubt yourself. A drop of 9.9% is within normal range (esp as your milk hasn't come in yet, in fact both of my babies dropped more than that despite the second being much more straightforward). You won't hear a gulpy swallow until your milk is in.

Is your baby a good weight? The fact they are settled after a feed suggests they are happy with your colostrum for now. Lots of skin to skin, good nutritious food for you, and surround yourself with supportive people.

This bit is tough, but it honestly sounds like you are doing fine.

this was me a couple of years ago... I was stuck in hospital for a week after a CS and it was the purest hell. DD lost over 13% of birth weight. Every grain in my body told me to get out but they made it seem like this would be risky for DD.

I'd recommend doing whatever the fuck you need to do to boost her weight and get out of there, we gave DD formula plus feeds plus express top ups and eventually managed to get to EBF.

It's worth bearing in mind that if you had a drip in labour it will have increased her fluid levels too and thus artificially increased birth weight, so some of the weight loss could have been that.

Midwives are well meaning but overworked and don't particularly get training on support for breastfeeding, so you get this hit and miss advice based on their own experience. Having had a CS as well you'll feel disempowered and chaotic and it's all the last thing you need.

I'd say get out of there by doing what you have to do, if problems continue and you can afford it don't rule out a lactation consultant. When your milk comes in properly it can feel a bit like coming down with flu, I thought I was really ill when mine did!

If you can then get off the ward into recreation rooms or even outside for a quick walk, or talk to someone on the phone. I felt like the ward was the whole world and regained perspective a lot when I reached out beyond the four walls.

Best of luck! You've been through loads, don't even think of berating yourself for any of it. It's a rough old ride.

My milk took 6 days to come in! I had an uneventful birth but just took a little longer. DD lost 11% of her birth weight but the midwives told me just to keep feeding as much as possible. She soon chunked up and I continued to bf for 14 months. I would just keep doing what you're doing

What a load of rubbish your Midwife is spouting. My DD feeds like a champ and I have literally never heard her swallowing! It’s no wonder people give up on bf with this kind of ‘support’.

Your DD sounds like she is doing great. Just let her suckle and build up your supply. Don’t supplement with formula as this will decrease your supply. Lots of skin to skin and snuggles. You’re doing fab!

I had an emergency c section a few years ago after completely uneventful pregnancy so completely out of the blue, then had trouble establishing breastfeeding. Look up 'breast compressions' on the kellymom website someone else linked to. Don't panic about the formula if needed - both my older one and my niece had quite a bit of formula at first then went on to just breastfeeding and in fact both refused bottles later on when we wanted them to have them!! Get a litter picker for when you get home, really helpful for picking things off the floor! (Sorry bit off topic).

Ps I did actually find it useful to listen for swallowing - towards the end of the feed when I could hear the swallowing slowing down I would jiggle baby a bit, tickle his toes, take off a layer etc to keep him awake and feeding a bit longer.

I'm not sure I can say anything that hasn't already been said but this post could have been me when I had my first so I just wanted to tell you what happened for me! Like you I needed an assisted birth and then was kept in for feeding. I also ended up giving formula because I feel the mw had unrealistic expectations for breast milk supply, this was only day 2 for me! Are you still in hospital? I agreed a mixed fed routine with the midwife to get discharged and then when the community midwife came round the next morning I talked to her about it and we agreed that I would express on demand and cup feed (DS really couldn't latch at all, it sounds like yours is doing better) until DS could latch and the amounts I was producing were normal for a BF baby. He didn't have any formula after that and we ended up bfing successfully.

Also, I have a 3 week old at the moment who put on weight and took straight to breastfeeding and I don't think I have ever been able to hear her gulping like you can with some babies.

Hang in there, it can be really hard in those early days but once you are out of the woods it will be worth it!

Thank you all so so much.

I’m feeling a little better today; I’ve followed the advice overnight and today of expressing and feeding as much as I can and guess what? My milk is coming through!

I’ve tried not to stress about the swallowing or my supply, managed to (mostly - bar one) fend off the formula feeds overnight that was being pushed on me and today baby has been feeding every couple of hours and then I’ve been giving expressed top ups (with as much as I can get off - about 15 mls now!). She’s settled after feeds and always wakes herself back up and then latches on pretty easily by herself for the next feed.

I’ve had the lovely midwife that I spoke about in my original post looking after my today - I feel so much more confident when she’s around. She arranged for me to go to a bay where there are no other women so I could have some time to try to totally relax and help my hormones to work. She snuck some cake from the staff room for me too! 🙈 I think this experience is making me realise how important it is to have the right people around you. When I feel relaxed, baby feeds much better - is that a thing? Maybe, maybe not, but I’m going with it.

I can’t wait to get home - hopefully if baby hasn’t lost more weight tomorrow I’ll be able to go home.

I just wanted to say thank you so much again to everyone that has replied. Hearing your success stories was exactly what I needed to hear - I keep reading them over and over to remind myself that this is all normal. I’m also sorry if I upset anyone by saying that I felt like a failure for needing a c section or not having a milk supply yet, they were just my day 3 baby blue feelings about myself, please don’t think I think that about anyone else who has struggled to breastfeed or needed a c section - I just felt overwhelmed last night and was being hard on myself.

Thank you thank you thank you xx ❤️

Awww so glad you're feeling more positive, it sounds like you're doing really well. And yes relaxing definitely helps (easier said than done on the average postnatal ward!!). I remember when I first tried to express I really struggled when following all the usual advice about looking at pictures of your baby etc. I think looking at the pictures just reminded me of the worries about his weight gain. I distinctly remember expressing my first reasonable quantity while watching Top Gear!! Probably because it was completely not related to babies and distracted me from all the baby-related stress a bit! Anyway, I'm sure many many of us can relate to how bewildering and horrible it can be in your situation. My second (and last!!) section was 18 months ago and I am happy to say it all seems quite a distant memory now. Look after yourself.

Great news OP! You’ll be at home on the sofa in no time. Don’t worry about supply or swallowing or even weight gain. As long as there are plenty of wet nappies, that is all you need to keep an eye on. #believeinyourboobs. Enjoy your breastfeeding journey. It’s fab!

Your midwife really needs to update her breastfeeding knowledge! The amount a woman can express bears no relation to the amount of milk she produced or the amount that baby takes in directly from the breast. Keep at it and go to your local bf support group once you're out x