How on earth do you get everything done?

[oneplusone]

I have been feeling so useless recently, I can't seem to get anything done around the house, dinner consists of ready meals, laundry goes for days without being folded and put away etc etc and yet it's not as if I'm spending hours being out with the kids, we're at home a lot of the time.

I just can't seem to cope with eg trying to cook dinner with ds (14 months)clinging to my legs and dd (4yrs)wanting a drink/paper to draw etc and I seem to have just given up. As fast as I can tidy ds especially is messing up again and I just feel like it's all hopeless and I'm useless.

And this is at the moment whilst dd is at kindergarten nearly full time, once she's home for the holidays I just DREAD to think how I'll cope. And I find the lack of 'me' time the hardest to deal with. I have no help nearby such as relatives and have only recently moved to the area and haven't made that many friends yet.

Any tips or advice or encouragement from anyone would be so much appreciated.

oneplusone - try starting a thread in meetups with the place name in and have you joined your mumsnet local?

I find a brilliant way to keep ds occupied, contained and with minimum mess is to stick him naked in an empty bath with jugs and bottles to pour water (he can use the cold tap) or crayons, paints etc.

Then you can clean the bathroom, sit down and read a book, take a nap on the floor and you just have a quick wipe down to do at end.

sorry that is will feel better - if you could seemy house now you'dfeel alot better- i can't even face where to start thus mumsnetting. we all do it.

my rules are:

up, washing on

children up, breakfast, dressed and OUT

doesn't matter where, whether it be park/M&T group/shops/soft play area . Just out in the morning anywhere

back for lunch, something quick, pasta with sauce or sandwiches

play at home in the afternoon - I feel if you try and do too much tooing and froing, they get grumpy

whilst they play/fight together, I sneak off and prep dinner or change sheets or hang washing up - anything thrilling

after dinner and when they are in bed, I scoot about throwing things back where they belong, just so it is straight to START ALL OVER AGAIN THE NEXT DAY!

I must say what drives me INSANE in the constant chatter and questions on and on and on

you are most certainly not alone, hang in there

Only tidy up once a day when the kids are in bed so it is nice for you in the evening.

Make a menu plan for the week.

It isnt difficult to chuck a chicken in the oven and open a bag of salad with a jacket potato.

Or mix cooked pasta with pesto and cheese.

Stirfries are easy.

Do not iron! I fold a lot and only iron the necessities.

Go out for long walks and exhaust the kids.

Make a timetable when the summer hols comes so you arent in all the time and try and see people so you arent on your own.

Also getting a pt job helps as you go out of the house for yourself and the children appreciate you more when they see you!

Is that an option?

oneplusone - you could be me (but with an extra child). So much sense talked here already, just wanted to add that I send dh out with ds every saturday morning. They go for a bacon buttie together (ds only 16 months, but hey, it's the thought...) then a drive (and ds falls asleep in the car). And I get a morning for me. Really recommend it...

I'm in Kingston too - want to meet for a coffee?

I work for myself from home so life is a complete juggle for me too. On a purely practical note, do as much housework as you can with them. I sometimes put a cloth over the bathroom with dd in the bath. My 14 month dd loves "helping" me change the beds, get the washing out of the machine. I even brought her her own dustpan and brush because she loves sweeping up (is that child labour ). I try to resist the urge to tidy up after her during the day as its frustrating having to do it so many times. I just do it when she has a nap and after she has gone to bed. I also go out for walks/to the park/to see friends/toddler groups a lot. I find it helps.

Foodwise (I so know what you mean about cookign with them clinging to your legs, nightmare) - I used to love cooking but now eat lots of pasta, omelettes, jacket potatoes, soup, salads with fish/chicken etc. If I do cook, I always do double and freeze My friend makes a food plan each week and sticks to it which helps her (I can't be arsed with that).

On a different level, you do just have to try not to worry about the state of things too much. Easier said than done, but

Also, as someone else said - can dh take the kids out on a Sat morning so you can have a nice bath/potter around/read the paper/have a kip. etc

Anyway, its probably already been said before but hth a bit. We all feel like we are utterly useless at times. I sometimes feel that I do neither job properly and have to have a good word with myself occasionally

I have days like that and I only have one son (9 mths)! However, I find that having a routine helps - I get up half an hour earlier than he does (he gets up between 0730-0800) and have a cup of tea while I unload the washing machine. I wish I could wash less frequently but we don't have a dryer and the weather isn't too reliable in the West of Scotland, so I have to wash every day (especially as I'm using old fashioned terry nappies). I iron every evening so it doesn't build up.

I hoover while he naps in the morning and I pick two other chores to do each day - bathroom, kitchen etc. That way, I never have to do too much during at any one time and it doesn't build up.

Might not work for anyone else but it helps me keep on top of things. I agree that lots of fresh air tires children out, so I always take my son out for a walk so that he has a good nap in the afternoon (which is when I get a quiet half hour to myself).

Ooh you could be me

If you do a quick search of "flame/flamesparrow" and "cope" you'll find oodles of threads with me sobbing.

I tend not to be able to lower my standards any more than they are naturally

We have a landlord inspection today, so have spent the last few days blitzing the place and it finally looks half decent - DH seems to have suddenly caught on to the fact that I cannot do everything (I'm working from home now too) and is enthusiastically making plans to keep on top of it now its straight (obv whether or not he does remains to be seen).

I am another one for only tidying once a day. When I am on a roll the system goes:

Up, washing on.
Dress, breakfast children and put away any dry clothes whilst they eat.

Preschool for DD, home and tidy breakfast stuff and work for the morning (or run away for coffee with friends ) - DS sleeps most of the morning though so I am lucky there.

Collect DD at lunchtime - 3 afternoons a week we have activities to go to (playgroups etc) which are wonderful - DS can empty toys and climb to his heart's content.

Home - DD amuses herself whilst DS sleeps again (I will be a rocking wreck when he drops the sleeps)

Collect DH from work - he then amuses children whilst I do dinner.

Bath/play with children & bedtime.

Whoever isn't doing bedtime clears the lounge from the day's toys etc.

DH (from now on) washes the dishes in the evening.

Hoovering, sheets changing etc is divided up to one job each day of the week (FLYLady throwback) and is slotted in whenever I can.

quite often, i don't get things done. (i have to put away washing and luggage from my holiday today...they have been on my floor for 4 wks!)

i find these things helpful though...

• on the weekend i cook 1 or 2 meals that are DS-friendly, and freeze them for during the week.

• Monday is chip shop tea night...no cooking, no dishes!

• i made a little rota for cleaning- sounds sad i know- but it's helped. It's very simple, like 'Monday- clean bathroom' 'Tuesday- clean kitchen'...DH helps and we do it usually when DS just gone to bed.

• And don't be hard on yourself! Life's too short for feeling inadequate because your house and kids aren't spotless!

My DTS are 3yo and I have had a military style routine ever since they were about 12 weeks. DH and I work as a team and we each have allocated chores as well as communal ones.

DH is responsible for the bathroom and cloakroom which he cleans every week without fail. Also, he will clean the bath after bathing the boys and tidy the bathroom every evening. He also empties and cleans bins everyweek.

I do the clothes washing and ironing twice a week and put the clothes away as soon as I can. I vacuum the whole house once a week and the main living room is vacuumed again a few days later. I mop the kitchen floor twice a week.

I tend to do most the cooking during the week so I batch cook and freeze one day a week. I also have a list of quick meals to prepare so I am never stuck for ideas. DH tends to do the cooking at weekends.

DH and I tidy the house every evening and DTS are also encouraged to put their toys away. DH and I will clean kitchen each evening and wash up dishes.

I dust once a month and just whizz round the house quickly.

The key imo, is to have a plan/routine and delegate chores to your DH. I work part-time so having this routine means that the chaos is kept at bay.

Having a routine gives me more time to spend with DTS and DH, especially at the weekend.

Good luck!

No tips but it does get overwhelming sometimes. I have dd 5 at reception, ds1 3 at pre-school some afternoons and ds2 6 months. I do always cook from scratch and try and get the food prepared when the children are happy doing things. I sit ds2 in his highchair and bring him into the kitchen with me ao he's happy with that. I tidy up constantly and hoover a lot too but do that around them, dd and ds1 help with tidying toys. I just do things when they're occupied really or when my parents are here or at weekends me and dh will both have a tidy and clean up.

I'm used to lack of me time now and don't miss it lol.

I also meal plan so I know what I'm cooking in advance which really helps.

you dont. andeople who say they do are liars.

an othr people who say they do and actually do - have no lfe.

and aare boring people who think that vaccuming is a job welldone

dont be that person.

leaveshit messy and tell visitors to go fuck themseles if the dont like it

lmao Speedy - I read that as "bath the toys"... thought it was a bit eccentric!

Ooh and if MIL wants to clean - let her!

You are not alone oneplusone! I am having such an organisational crisis at the moment that I've made myself ill with trying to keep on top. Went into work today, realised how crap I felt, burst into tears, left my lessons and had to come home
I work full time, DH works four days but is also setting up a new business from home and to be honest is pretty crap around the house. I am not a naturally tidy persona at all but at the moment I just feel overwhelmed with the state of the house. DSes are 2 and 4 and sound just like yours.

I am so envious of other people's organised lives. Shall I admit to you that I was even envious of the house in the Alfie books when I was reading to DS last night as it seemed so calm and clean ...WTF it's a book!!!! And don't get me started on the gorgeous house that the Drs bought in Location Location last night ....

Custardo, it depends how much time you allocate to your chores though. I can vacuum my whole house in 25 minutes (3 storey town house). Hanging out 2 loads of washing takes 20 minutes and ironing it 1 hour. The labour intensive part of cooking meals is in chopping up ingredients, frying them intially (e.g onions) but once you leave it to simmer etc, you can do other things.

Similarly, mopping the kitchen floor only takes 5 minutes plus 5 minutes filling and emptying bucket as well as wrinsing mop. Dustin can be done very quickly.

I just focus on what I want to do and blitz it. Hence I have time to do other things so I lead a full life which includes family reading, learning German or visiting places.

Plus I work 3, sometimes 4 days a week.

well that makes you the woman to aspire to be. perhaps you should write a book?

I agree with speedymum on this one. I think if you focus on the jobs you have to do around the house they take no time at all which leaves time to do other things with the children or something. I find with chores, the more you string them out the worse they become.

I tend to do the things that need doing and leave the ones that can wait as well. I try to keep it tidy and cooking healthy meals is important to me so I always do that but a lot of food can be cooked very quickly. I don't do piles of ironing, I iron when things are needed, if it's needed. I don't beat myself up about not getting everything done because I'd rather do things with the children than clean up anyway.

It doesn't matter if, after cleaner has been, the house looks wrecked again. The fact is, it is CLEAN. Mess is not the same as dirt.

hey oneplusone over here

There are loads of us around here sunbury, Twickenham, Kew etc and we do meet up fairly reguilarly both during the day and one a month in the evening. Don;t suffer alone, come and suffer with us... I promise not to stare at your excema if you promise not to stare at my rolls of fat...

I have a DS 18 months and don't work Fridays and if your DH is awy over the weekend at all, I'm single so always happy to meet up. Come and visit - you'll go home convinced that the state of your house is normal! And read the west london thread above about my anger at my mum coming over and cleaning you will so identify!