Has anyone coslept in their child's actual bed for a long period?

[Marynosleep]

I'm asking cos that's hat we've been doing for past 2 months.

2 years 4 months old. Perfect storm of 2 Yr sleep regression, separation anxiety kicking in, molars coming and a bad virus.

Reverted to being like a newborn. Hellish. Still pretty Hellish tbh.

We never ever thought 2 months later we'd be still in her single bed (we alternate nights for fairness).

Has anyone done this? We feel pretty alone about it tbh. Especially as we're realising it may go on for months yet.

I'm hoping someone is gonna say Oh it's completely normal, don't worry! But I dunno if it is, tbh.

It depends on your definition of cosleeping... if people ask, I say DS and I coslept for the first eight weeks and then he moved into his own room and his cot. He got his ‘big boy’ bed at 14 months.

What actually happened is that from 8 weeks to 4.5 months, he slept for 12-14 hours a night. After that, thanks to teething and an undiagnosed food intolerance come weaning time, I had a camp bed in his room for the next ten months that I’d say 6 nights out of seven, I slept on with him. He’d start in his cot and I’d get a few hours in the evening, maybe even till midnight, to potter about, eat, and have some time in my own bed, then I’d end up in withhim.

We got rid of the cot and the camp bed in favour of a normal single at 14 months because my back was shot to pieces. He’s 2.5 now and I would say I spend some part of most nights in his bed. I wouldn’t call it cosleeping but I suppose it is really!

As an aside, a friends DS does the same but in her bed, so ha his own bed but comes in to hers most nights. He’s nearly 3.5. You’re not alone, I just don’t think most people call it cosleeping.

My DS is 4 and rarely spends the whole night in his bed. He goes to sleep around 7:30pm but will wake up between 11-2am and come in to our bed as "he needs Mummy Cuddles". About once a month I wake up at 6am and he's not come in, at which point I panic he's dead! My 6 year old started sleeping through about age 5, so it will happen one day I'm sure.

The reason we went in with her is because we'd never had her in our own bed and we knew if we took her in, we'd never get her out.
But we didn't think it would be his long!

I was in with her from 9pm last night. She hadn't gone to sleep till 8.15.

It's crap tbh. We're so sick of it.

Yes, but our DD has a double bed. A friend of mine recommended it and it saved our lives.

DD went though a hellish stage when she was about 3 (it lasted 9 months I'm sorry to say) and we would take it in turns to sleep in with her each night. Thank god for the double bed or we wouldn't have got any sleep.

Even now when she's sick we take it in turns to sleep with her..she's 5.

It might seem drastic buying a double but honestly it is the best thing we ever did and I now recommend it to all friends who also swear by it!

DH has mentioned it. I suppose I don't want to accept it'll be long term.

We are in our 40s, DH is 47 and tbh we are just knackered.

Actually DD is such a space invader I dunno if it'll make a massive difference. Was in the ILs and was in a double bed with her and she still slept with her feet shoved into my spine all night.

She also insists that you sleep nose to nose with her. And your hand has to be just so. She is a total sergeant major about the way we sleep with her.

Yep. We also invested in a king size for dd’s room. She’s eight and shows no signs of wanting to be on her own...

Haggis have you been sleeping with her for 8 years? Have you a partner? How does that work?

We're in a similar position to HaggisFish though DD is only 6. She has two full size single mattresses on her floor, so effectively a superking. One of us stays with her to go to sleep, then leaves her for the rest of the evening (a time when she is deeply asleep). One of us then joins her for the night, so she doesn't wake up alone. We find this maximises sleep for us - instead of her waking up alone, panicking, waking up properly and coming to wake both of us up, she wakes up, finds she's not alone, turns over and goes back to sleep. Sometimes she'll snuggle up to a parent, which does make sleep a bit more tricky for them.

Dd (6) now sleeps in our bed and I sleep most of the night in her bed! She has ASD and is a terrible sleeper. Its just easier. She used to come into our room around 11. Now she just starts here. Otherwise one of us was lying in her bed u til she was a sleep.

If there was space in her room for a double we'd do that, but there isn't. (I actually quite like having a bed to myself, even if it is a cabin bed ;)

Yup. DS is eight. We take turns staying in his bed with him til he's asleep. Waiting now for puberty and his own sense of privacy to arrive. Until then I just enjoy it, gave up fighting years ago.

@Haggisfish ditto! We sleep, she sleeps, we all get a good sleep. Eventually, DD will move out.

Like @toastedbeagle out DS (2.5yo) starts in his own bed and comes into mine somewhere around midnight. He's slept through the night in his own bed a handful of times in his life. I actually don't mind him coming in except that he sleep talks a lot and wakes me roughly hourly 😴

Never ever slept in same bed as my children (twins). In our house everyone sleeps in their own bed. There are some episodes of in the night garden where ypsy daisy gets cross when iggle piggle and Co get into her bed and she turfs them out. Can you watch those together and talk about how everyone needs to sleep in their own bed? None of you just be getting much quality sleep it sound exhausting!

I just hate it, tbh. The bossiness, the claustrophobia, the screaming the minute she wakes up (she's the sort that goes 0-60), the waking up every hour.

I had PND for a long time and I really thought it'd be getting easier now.

Also haven't slept beside DH in 2 months and we haven't DTD in that time either. We are just do tired all the time and get very little time together.

Tbh the thoughts of doing this up to 50 makes me want to cry.

The thing is OP, some posters on here seem happy with their arrangement, but you don't. And that's what's important here.

Both of my children had to be taught to sleep alone, they weren't born being able to do it. Obviously there are times when they have needed more comfort, when they are ill, or have a bad dream, or the 7 weeks I spent in my daughter's room when she broke her leg... and we co-slept. I think it's important to ask if you want this arrangement to continue, and if you don't, you can change it. Your child isn't a one off that can't sleep alone (assuming additional needs aren't an issue), you can break the cycle and she can be taught to sleep alone.

Of course, I may have misunderstood and you are happy to do so. In which case, ignore me but if that is the case, I'd be prepared for her to be in a bed with you for a long time. All children would prefer to sleep with someone, I just couldn't have done it long term and I do enjoy it! It just wouldn't work for us long term.

Cross post, I'm so sorry OP you are going through this. She needs to be taught to sleep alone, for your own sanity.

What have you tried so far?

We also have a 4 year old. He is pushing the boundaries in every way during the day but thank goodness he sleeps 7-7. So this is really not something we're used to.

She was never a good sleeper. But things were definitely improving before November. She was sleeping through maybe 3 days out of 7 and we thought Oh there's light at the end of the tunnel at last! Then this happened out of nowhere.

How does she go to sleep, OP? By herself or do you lie with her until she falls asleep?

Our reaction to this sudden phase was just firefighting.

DH is very much a person who thinks we'll just have to sleep with it till she grows out of it. He's shattered, he's old and grey looking but he's just resigned to it. So his only suggestion is a double bed.

I am trying to go along with this because I don't think she'd be an easy child to sleep train. She Screams her head off. I mean those blood curdling ones.

As it is she screams every time she wakes up and if the "wrong" person comes in to her she fucking freaks and screams and wrestles and hits and its horrendous.

She's entirely NT btw, she's just very reactive. She's actually hilarious during the day.

Yes we lie beside her till she falls asleep. It usually takes an hour, despite no nap for a very long time now.

She can wake up anytime between 9 and 11.

She absolutely 100% cannot go to sleep on her own. I have no idea how to tackle that.

We have tried not lying beside her but sitting on the stool with our hand on her back. She FREAKS. I mean freaks the fuck out. Its awful.

Just a thought, but if you don't want to sleep train yourself then you could hire a sleep trainer or sleep nanny. If you have more children, teaching them good sleep habits from an early age is really important (for the whole family!) something to think about if you have more kids!

@Mary - my very nearly six year old refuses to sleep in his own bed after a period of sleep regression last summer. I work full time/ DH (49) works full time and way from home half the week....we have gotten pretty used to doing whatever it takes to getting a decent nights’ sleep - we have enough room to spread out, but am hoping that he returns to his own bed at some point soon.

I think it's more common than you think - a lot of people don't admit it or don't term it co-sleeping. That said, if you hate it you don't have to put up with it for years because other people make it work.

Sleep training in the short term might seem very painful but it will be worth it if it saves you months or years of misery. Or, you and DD have the big bed and your DH has the single.

This two will pass. I look at my teenagers and think fondly think of them being 2 and wanting to snuggle me at night. Fucking didn't think that at the time