Has anyone coslept in their child's actual bed for a long period?

[Marynosleep]

I'm asking cos that's hat we've been doing for past 2 months.

2 years 4 months old. Perfect storm of 2 Yr sleep regression, separation anxiety kicking in, molars coming and a bad virus.

Reverted to being like a newborn. Hellish. Still pretty Hellish tbh.

We never ever thought 2 months later we'd be still in her single bed (we alternate nights for fairness).

Has anyone done this? We feel pretty alone about it tbh. Especially as we're realising it may go on for months yet.

I'm hoping someone is gonna say Oh it's completely normal, don't worry! But I dunno if it is, tbh.

don't think she'd be an easy child to sleep train. She Screams her head off. I mean those blood curdling ones.

As it is she screams every time she wakes up and if the "wrong" person comes in to her she fucking freaks and screams and wrestles and hits and its horrendous.

This really needs to stop. You say she's entirely NT, ok fine, but then you need to ignore her. My daughter was entirely different to my son but you've got to ride it out, for everyone's sake. What is your older one doing when you get her to sleep? Do you think she understands you well?

Mine slept in my superking until they were about 4. There is no way I would have gone in a single bed with them. We comfortably slept 2 adults, 2 kids and several cats. They slept with us from day one and we never ever had a sleepless night, so yes I would say totally normal.

The older one doesn't tend to wake. They're at opposite ends of the landing and he's a deep sleeper.

It's not because of him we're just going along with it, it's because of us. We're so tired. We can't face it. I don't think I can put aside a full week or two weeks of trying to break her. I know for a fact DH would crack early. We're just zombies.

Maybe we do need to just accept it. From the responses here it seems we would be naive to think she'll grow out of it anytime soon.

we were in the same position. It took us 10 days to 'train' the youngest. Best 10 days of sleep deprivation we ever spent. Well worth it

How did u do it? Is there a technique that's not distressing?

I really feel for you. Our DD2 is the same age and has always been a terrible sleeper. She’s never gone to sleep on her own and she’s going through a crap phase at the moment of being awake for 2-3 hours in the night. She’s been ill quite a bit recently so I’m hoping it’s because of that.

It seems from your posts that you really want this to stop but don’t know how to find the time and energy to deal with it, so you’ve resigned yourself to riding it out.

I have a suggestion. The Easter holidays are coming up - I assume you both have the bank holidays off work? If so, you commit to sleep training then. Start on the Wednesday night, so you only have to survive the Thursday at work. That then gives you 6 nights to throw at it, which should be more than enough time to break the cycle.

I night weaned DD2 at 11 months over a long weekend as I was extremely sleep deprived - she was waking 7-9 times a night. The first two nights were hard but by the third she made a huge leap and suddenly started sleeping for 5-6 hour chunks. I think you just need to come up with a plan and stick to it. If you think your DH will cave in then send him to the spare room and do it yourself, but get him to take over the childcare and housework in the day so you can catch up on sleep.

Musical beds in our house. The children are 7 and 5 and I'm never sure where people will emerge from in the morning. It's lovely. Won't last much longer I suspect.

Op I actually think co sleeping until they are pre 10yo is far more common than we think but people are very reluctant to talk about it for fear of looking odd or weak.

@Marynosleep
She always started the night in her own bed but would come through and after a couple of tries to get her down again we would give up as we were so tired and would end up with parent and child in one bed and other parent in the other bed. So to start with we took her back to bed and Lay on blow up beside her bed and patted/talked to her. Then on blow up and spoke to her. Then on there but no talking. Then by door. Always putting her back in own bed if she got up. Then outside door. Again taking her back if she got up. By 7th night I was sleeping on blow up on landing and she got up twice and I put her back to bed with no talking or crying. Once next night. Once next night when we were in our own bed. Then bingo. Slept through. First couple of nights she was distressed but after that it was just perseverance.

Not in my child’s bed, but my dd slept in our bed until she was 3.5. We got plenty of sleep that way and it was no big deal. Then one day she announced she wanted to sleep all night in her own room and off she went. It took her about a week to settle into her new routine, but was fine. She’s 6 now and sleeps great. It really wasn’t a big deal and it’s only when it’s behind you that you realise what a short time it was. Might as well do whatever works and get some sleep.

If you’re not happy with how things are at the moment I think sleep training is the only option. Does she have any favourite soft toys she can have with her? She may well become more chilled out once she’s getting some decent sleep and confident to sleep alone. If you do go down the sleep training route, you have to stick with it and be consistent, giving in will undo all the hard work and will make if even more difficult the next night. Good luck I hope you get things sorted x

Your solution is looking right at you. It is exactly what we did.

Our terrible sleeper 3yo has 2 siblings age 5 and 6. The 5yo was a reasonably poor sleeper the 6yo very deep. Dh and I used to sleep in with the baby so often luckily on a single bed in there, I drew the line at sleeping in the actual bed with him. We eventually twigged that the answer was to substitute us with a sibling. He needed some telling and it took a bit of getting used to - siblings were woken a bit but now they just roll over if he does wake.

We all get sleep.

DS 4 goes to sleep in his bed and comes to ours around midnight.

He brings four stuffed toys with him.

Oh god she has 4 soft toys that are essential : Horsey, snow bear, dinosaur and iggle piggle. She also needs Cuppy and Dodi (her cup and dummy)

So actually I think she's fairly established? She has a strict routine and knows her bed environment.

I suppose that's why we were hoping this was just a phase. Cos we are good at the bedtime routine. It works really well for our 4 yr old. And it was starting to work for her in October and we were starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I guess we're hoping that if we just wait this out, this phase will pass painlessly?

I miss DH. To be honest. I fear its making us a bit platonic. He's upstairs reading and waiting for the second wake up (there was one at 8pm already) and I'm downstairs drinking wine and watching The Good Place. We're each having nights off, but they're apart.

Oh, and he likes one of us to lie with him before he goes to sleep. Since he started school though he drops off in about 30 seconds.

Yep. Bought a double bed in the end.

You and DH need your evenings and bedtimes back! A bit of short term pain will pay off massively for all of you. If I were you I’d pick a long weekend and crack on with sleep training, I bet it won’t take more than a couple of nights as you say, she already has a good routine.

I understand why you want to look for a non-distressing method, but the way it works now is distressing, with screaming at some point. It's in all your interests to move away from that.

I just heard him going into her upstairs. He'll be in there tbe rest of the night. Fuck but I do appreciate the bones of him.

DD is quite maneagable during the day. She's absolutely hilarious and we get in great and she can be cajoled or tut tutted out of temper. You can actually laugh her out of temper as she has such an active sense of humour. But the nights are like we're dealing with a different person.

Nightime DD = Scary Demon DD.

I think you need to focus on how unhappy the current situation is making you, and let that be your driving factor in making the change. She can change her habits, and there will be crying, but ask yourself if that will be from genuine upset, or because she isn't getting her own way? Controlled carrying doesn't have to be left to cry for hours alone, I never did that with my daughter and she has a will of iron. All well and good people saying they got a double bed, it passed eventually.... but those posters are happy with the arrangement, you are not.

No real advice on the sleep training, except to suggest you look into sleep training specifically aimed at older toddlers rather than babies if you decide to take that route. We sleep trained fairly effectively at 15 months, but found it much harder when we tried to 'top it up' at 2.5yo.

But I would absolutely recommend getting a double or kingsize bed regardless. Even decent sleepers have bad nights - whether illness, nightmares etc - and being able to just fall into their bed at 2am and still get a reasonable-ish nights sleep makes a huge difference!

I think all small people are space-invaders. They want to snuggle up to you, but you move over to get a bit of space, so they snuggle in again... and you end up with 20cm of space even in a double bed! The only solution I've found is to embrace it and accept sleeping entwined and nose-to-nose. Once they've had their fill of being velcroed to you (varies from an hour to about half the night, depending on how needy they are feeling) they will often then allow some space for a while (Although DD never likes my back towards her). And don't be afraid to shove reposition them to their own side of the bed when necessary (and then move in for a cuddle to stop them reclaiming the space!)

*DH has mentioned it. I suppose I don't want to accept it'll be long term.

We are in our 40s, DH is 47 and tbh we are just knackered.*

I'm 43 and my DH is 50 if that helps - in my opinion another reason why the double bed is so genius - we both get sleep, until the phase passes!