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Parenting

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Original poster

4 year old terrified of haircuts

35 replies

NGC2017 · 01/02/2019 08:45

My DS is 4 and a half. The trauma he suffers with getting his haircut has never got easier for me to witness. We have tried hairdressers, barbers, a mobile hairdresser, a kids only salon, the more we try the worse he has got.
He has been getting his hair cut since he was 1. His hair gets to a certain point and starts growing really badly where I cannot tame it without giving it a tidy up.
For the last 2 years I have resorted to clipping it at home, pretty much as he is in the safety of his home, we can take our time, he can scream and cry as loud as he wants but I will get it done. Whenever I have taken him somewhere they never finish it so he always ends up coming out with worser hair than when he walked in.

I really dont know what to do. It upsets me to see him like he is. He comes out in rashes, he sweats, he struggles to breathe. He wont has a cape on at all. He struggles with his sensory processing so anything touching him causes a much bigger issue than it would be for most.

How can I help him get over this fear?

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Marcipex · 01/02/2019 08:52

If he's that distressed, couldn't he just have it long? I realise it isn't the look you want, but it doesn't seem worth it.
I think I'd leave it and try again when he's much older. Take a little friend , so they sit together, and don't say the word 'cut'. Say 'shaping' or something. Also, bribery is good. Haribo, ice cream, whatever, just use it.

MotorcycleMayhem · 01/02/2019 08:54

Is it the clippers?

Can someone not cut with scissors instead mo

BertrandRussell · 01/02/2019 08:55

Let it grow. Sorted.

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RiverTam · 01/02/2019 08:56

just have it long, then. Plenty of parents of girls can cope with long hair.

Original poster

NGC2017 · 01/02/2019 08:56

Thanks. For him to get it long it will go through a good while of it looking untidy. This is what I dont want for him. He is already having a hard time at school because of his name :-( i dont want to give this other child more reason to pick on him

OP posts:

MotorcycleMayhem · 01/02/2019 08:57

And sack off the cape, just accept he'll need a bath straight afterwards. Plain t-shirt, plain shorts or trousers. Sheet on the floor.

BertrandRussell · 01/02/2019 08:58

Let it grow- and keep it tidy as it grows by trimming it with scissors as he sits on your lap or watches telly.

disconnecteddrifter · 01/02/2019 08:59

Mine used to go through trauma at the hairdressers. Hes 8 now and asked the hairdresser not to kill him last time! I realised he thought the scissors/clippers were dangerous and he was literally worried for his life. Is there anyway to reassure him that it's perfectly safe, no one ever has accidents, the scissors are special super safe ones?

SnowdropFox · 01/02/2019 09:04

It sounds like a little time with untidy hair (and possible comments) would be better than the trauma he feels getting it cut. Once he's older you can start addressing the fear but until then let it grow

Another idea might be go take him to watch other people get it cut. His dad, cousin, friend or other family member. It might put him at ease and eventually he might let it happen on his own terms.

Gloria42 · 01/02/2019 09:05

My OH is a barber and he sees this a lot. He is great with the kids, and works hard to make them feel comfortable in his chair. But it does take time. He gets parents to bring the kids in just to BE in the shop (not to get a haircut), to see other kids getting their own hair cut, and to get comfortable around him. He lets them see the clippers etc to take away the fear. The main thing is that he doesn’t force anything, some parents offer to hold down their child but that doesn’t work in the long run. You need to find a barber who is willing to work with you, it definitely can be done.

Original poster

NGC2017 · 01/02/2019 09:09

I just want to say this have never been an issue about him not wanting to wear a cape or it making a mess. I have never cared about this. I am guided by him, but his hair grows so untidy, he cant even manage a tidy up without working himself up.
I have tried distracting him, bribery. He has held the clippers and ran them up mine and his arm. The minute they touch his head he goes into meltdown. The minute he sees scissors he is off. We talk about getting it done by someone else and he starts to struggle to breathe and tell me how scared he is.
I have nothing against boys having long hair. But as I keep saying his hair looks untidy fast. He is at school now and around his peers. He has started to be picked on and hit for the most stupid of things. Whilst I am getting this sorted at school I dont want him to be to picked on about how he looks too (not meaning having long hair, but really untidy)

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Original poster

NGC2017 · 01/02/2019 09:11

thank you @Gloria42 this is what I wanted to hear

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RiverTam · 01/02/2019 09:26

I'm so sorry that you DS is having problems at school, and him so little as well. What steps are the school taking? Because whilst I understand you want to get his hair cut to stop him being picked on, you will still need to get to the root of the problem and get it sorted.

Original poster

NGC2017 · 01/02/2019 09:35

@RiverTam all I am getting from school is they are handling it. They cannot tell me what is going on as it isnt my son misbehaving. But I am meeting with them next week as it needs to be stopped. He has been tormented about his name which has caused many tears, he hasnt been punched in the face, scratched, bit, kicked and pinched. My DS has only really been upset about the name calling. I am hoping they will be more honest with me next week. I have been told they are keeping the boy away from him but he still comes out everyday crying

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RiverTam · 01/02/2019 09:45

god, that is awful. Poor wee boy. I would turn into The Parent From Hell and push and push for this to be resolved. No 4 year old should be bullied for their name in 2019.

Timeoutneeded · 01/02/2019 09:48

We had this with my son. He's now 4 and it started around 2.
We always made sure my mum had her hair cut first and he watched (hes a nanny's boy). We then bought him his only special 'superhero' towel to have his hair cut and I invented the hair fairy:
So we collect his hair in a pot and he puts it under her pillow and then in exchange gets money and chocolate in the pot.
Gradually over time he has got better and now goes first xx

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 01/02/2019 09:57

What do you mean by 'untidy' hair? He's only 4 and a half, untidy is their life.
I used to trim DS's hair in the bath - lots of conditioner so no pulls, comb it down wet and then lightly trim the ends and any snags. He'd be distracted in the bath, the hairs would wash right off, and it was easy to get a straighter trim. He'd normally have his hair around shoulder length, i just need to keep it out of his eyes.
I'm surprised that at such a young age he has children in his group who bully about names and hairstyles - if they are so badly behaved already they will unfortunately pick on him for anything, or nothing.
I'd avoid the haircuts for a while and speak to staff about tackling the poor behaviour of the other children.
No reason he should have to endure something he finds traumatic just because other children are mean.

Marcipex · 01/02/2019 10:01

Did you mean to write 'HAS been punched, scratched....etc'
If that is the case, escalate this now. The school MUST protect your child from these attacks.
I doubt very much it is anything to do with his hair.

Original poster

NGC2017 · 01/02/2019 10:05

again, the haircuts arent shielding him from bullying, i just want to help him get over his fear. Also untidy is not his life. He is obsessively clean and tidy.
The name thing is quite shocking to me. Even more so that he is being called Gay because of it. My son doesnt understand that word so how a 5 year old is calling him it (attached to his actual name) must surely because he has heard it from his parents?

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Original poster

NGC2017 · 01/02/2019 10:10

on 2 ocassions he has hit back and landed in big trouble for it at school. However the other boy has carried on. I spoke with his teacher last week as she is aware of incidents but couldnt disclose as my son wasnt misbehaving. But ive had enough now and am meeting her next week as it must stop

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HoppingPavlova · 01/02/2019 10:12

I’d change schools if you could. Once this sort of stuff starts it will probably only go underground (but still continue) once the teachers stamp it out. Then what happens won’t really be ‘visible’ but still traumatising. Give him a fresh start.

picklemepopcorn · 01/02/2019 10:13

We played hair dressers at home. He combed my hair and 'trimmed' it with plastic scissors. I combed his and trimmed it with plastic scissors. Then we had hot choc with marshmallows, like we were in a salon. Have comics/magazines/books.
Play that several times. Then swap out your scissors for real ones, but only trim a tiny place. If that goes ok, do a bit more. Stop before he gets at all upset. Do some more another day.

CandyFlossLegend · 01/02/2019 10:18

I can sympathise. My DS hated having his hair cut. We tried lots of ways until we found a way which works for us.

Cut Ds's hair discreetly in the bath when washing
Mobile hairdresser who come to your house
Our local Mothercare had a hairdresser with a big sit in car and tab for DS to watch cartoons while hairdresser cut his hair
Hairdresser cut with scissors not electric blade
Hairdresser gave out little packets of jellies after cut was complete
DH went with DS and got his hair cut first to give DS confidence

Lucylugs · 01/02/2019 10:20

My little boy was like this around that age. Absolutely terrified of the hairdresser and trimmers. For a couple of years I just trimmed his hair with a scissors myself. I would get him to kneel on a sheet with an ipad on a stool in front of him playing videos he loved. Then straight into.the bath. I watched a few haircutting videos on youtube to help. Like you say though some of mine were no worst than half done ones from hairdresser. He's much better now and goes to hairdresser no bother.

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 01/02/2019 10:31

Play doh used to do a barber set with a head that grew hair then you cut it! He could be the barber.

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