4 year old terrified of haircuts

[NGC2017]

My DS is 4 and a half. The trauma he suffers with getting his haircut has never got easier for me to witness. We have tried hairdressers, barbers, a mobile hairdresser, a kids only salon, the more we try the worse he has got.
He has been getting his hair cut since he was 1. His hair gets to a certain point and starts growing really badly where I cannot tame it without giving it a tidy up.
For the last 2 years I have resorted to clipping it at home, pretty much as he is in the safety of his home, we can take our time, he can scream and cry as loud as he wants but I will get it done. Whenever I have taken him somewhere they never finish it so he always ends up coming out with worser hair than when he walked in.

I really dont know what to do. It upsets me to see him like he is. He comes out in rashes, he sweats, he struggles to breathe. He wont has a cape on at all. He struggles with his sensory processing so anything touching him causes a much bigger issue than it would be for most.

How can I help him get over this fear?

My DS did this with us, not quite as bad but he would get very upset. My mum took him and he didn't make a peep and was much happier. Have you tried to get someone else to take him. Could he just be playing up for mum and dad?

DS hated having his hair cut, or touched, or brushed, or washed. He very clearly has sensory issues and we're currently going through a lengthy process to get him diagnosed and to see what support we can get him. It sounds to me like your DS is similar? Does he struggle to wash his hair? Go under the water in the swimming pool? Is he scared of the shower?

It was the swimming that seemed to finally break him. He still doesn't like any of these things, but learning to swim, and getting used to having those sensations on his head but, I think, while being in control himself, made all the difference. And has made hair cuts/washes etc that much easier.

Thanks all. All great responses.

My DS is undergoing diagnosis too. We reached a point where our lives were ok, we could manage it. Recently it has started again and I find it so hard. It is much worse than before. As many people on the outside have no understanding or sympathy. But honestly it is upsetting for me to watch him do most things. I just want to support him.
My DS is more comfortable doing things himself. That way he is more willing to try. He hates his swimwear and struggles when they put goggles on him to the point where they don’t bother now. But once he is in the water he swims beautifully and is so calm. Going under water is not issue. However having his hair and body washed is a nightmare. He screams Mommy Mommy stop hurting. People must hear him wondering what I am doing

@Timeoutneeded some fantastic ideas. thanks

My god, the school need a rocket up their arses! Bullied for his name? At his age? How awful! Is it even an 'out there' name? Does he need coping strategies for dealing with the other boys on top of everything else?

If you look online, there are barbers who work with children with sensory issues, and will accommodate you specifically. It could start with you just popping into the shop to meet the barber, being given a lolly and leaving, ane building up visits each time until partial cuts can be completed then full cuts.

My DS is 2 and hates having his hair cut. We have to go every month as it grows wildly but he screams the place down. Off this afternoon for our next cut and hoping we can get through it without scaring too many other people in there!

@MotorcycleMayhem my son as a wonderful group of friends. That is what keeps me calm(er) otherwise I would be having words with the boys parents.
The boy is notoriously nasty. A day doesnt go by where his parents arent pulled aside at the end of the day. His mom is also very vocal about what he has been doing and who he has got hold of. My son isnt the only one on the end of his bullying way. One of my sons best friends has had a really hard time to the point he cried whenever he was near him. I think because he now has a group of friends they all support each other. He cant seem to get past his name being changed though. It really upsets him. Even his teacher has agreed he is making the 'gay sounding' part of his name the joke. No his name isnt out there. I dont want to really say his name for obvious reasons. But some may guess by what ive said above. His name is beautiful and everyone who has asked has always said what a beautiful name he has got. He is very proud to say his full name so will correct anyone who says it wrong. He wont get that a joke is being made out of it but i am fuming

Hang on, a 4 year old is being a homophobic bully?

DS2 (5yo) has sensory processing issues and is awaiting asd diagnosis. Haircuts used to be an utter nightmare to the point where he’d meltdown. We gave up on it, having tried all the above suggestions.

What cracked it for us was him going along to a Turkish barbers with his older cousin. He wasn’t planned to have a haircut so wasn’t anxious when he went in, just sat and watched. When the barber asked if it was his turn next he just got in the chair and had it done! He’s been going happily with SIL and DN ever since - we don’t take him because we don’t want and change to set him off again 😂

Before this we had googled hairdressers in the area that worked with kids with asd/sensory processing disorder, and did find one. That was the next plan of going with his cousin didn’t work! Cutting nails is still a trauma though, and I do it while he’s asleep now.

@BertrandRussell he probably doesnt know what it means. But he tries to kiss all the boys and his mom has been heard saying everyone will think he is gay. so no im not saying he is homophobic but he has made the association with the similar sounds. He used to get in my sons face everyday trying to kiss him all over his face. My son hated it (he doesnt like people very close to him). The one day my son hit him and since then the teacher has been able to stop it. Out of nowhere in January the hitting and name calling started. It is still making my son very upset and it it escalates it will get worse.