How do you manage the getting ready for school battle?

[dameofdilemma]

Because I feel like 7am-8am every school day is hell.

Dd is 6, Year 2 and perfectly capable of getting herself dressed and brushing her teeth. Dp or I make her breakfast and brush/tie her hair.

Every morning ends up with procrastination and stroppy outbursts from dd and then either stern voiced threats of cancelled playdates/no tv/taking toys away etc (if its me)
or dressing dd and brushing her teeth as though she were a toddler (if its dp).

We've tried rewarding good behaviour - dd wouldn't agree to the type of reward and wanted a £20 toy every week
We tried (from another MN thread) a timetable - dd ignored it.

Dp and I both have to get to work so we do need to leave on time. Tbh though its no better on my non working day as I still have to threaten to phone dd's teacher to tell him dd will be late!

Dd is a good kid, we're lucky, she really is well behaved, kind, bright and responsible - just not between 7am-8am Mon to Fri term time.

I end up going to work each day feeling sad and wishing I could rewind the morning back.
I need a strategy...

I was going to give advice but realise that mine are 13/16 ages bracket at we still haven’t cracked it.

Every f in morning

Sorry there’s no hope .....

Very similar mornings here with a yr 2 and a yr 5. W
I was really hoping the year 5 would have grown out of it by now but if anything she’s worse.
The only thing that helps slightly is to make sure I’m completely ready and the car/bags packed before I tackle the kids.
Also I’ve learnt that dd needs time to come round in the morning so 15 mins of tv first thing can actually help whereas most advice says to keep tv until they’re ready (this works well for ds)
Watching for advice

Extreme I know but I know a mother whose child wouldn't get ready so she took her to school in her pyjamas and took the uniform with her in a bag. That child always got ready after that!!

I went down the well if you act like a toddler I will treat you like one and dressed Ds2.

It was easier, no fussing, just got on with it, brushed his teeth.

But then he had to understand that there were certain (favourite) tv shows he couldn't watch because if he was a toddler he wouldn't be watching that, or playing that game on the wii (back then)

So that was the payoff, he soon caved and dressed himself. Clearly they can because they all do PE in school.

I would go down the route of getting up, teeth brushed, get dressed before heading downstairs for any food or tv. Then at least they are ready to go.

@GreenTulips, mine are also year 11 and year 8 and yes there is hope. They get up, showered, dressed, make their own breakfast which includes either omelettes, beans, poached eggs etc

It is because they get enough sleep that they are alive and kicking at 6.30am!

Get everyone up earlier, things become a lot less fraught when there's more time.
Set all clocks in the house 10 minutes fast (and don't tell anyone).
If your DD is anything like my DD (also 6), all she wants to do is play - so the bargain is that once she's up, dressed, breakfast has been eaten and teeth cleaned, there's some play time. You will have the time because you'll have got up a silly o'clock
Bring bedtime forward so you're sure she's getting enough sleep and the poor behaviour isn't because she's tired and grumpy.
Also, a really set-in-stone routine that just builds up the habit - we do that same every single morning even if one of us is working from home.
I often dress DD and brush her teeth just to keep things moving - I just don't put up with her passive-aggressive controlling tactics!

Ds is allowed time to play and watch newsround before getting ready. He needs time by himself doing what he wants before getting ready. It works for him.

My 6 year old ds can very much be like this. He has to be asked numerous times to get dressed and then to clean his teeth. He makes life such a battle. Other times he ll be fine and get ready fine. He still has crying and whining fits if there's something he doesn't want to. I was very shouty and stressed which made him worse. We re trying to find a pattern. Things we ve done which help are;

1. get up 15 minutes earlier so he has time to get ready without me hurrying him along.
2. I have started setting a 20 minutes timer- hoping to reduce this over time- and say I want him dressed before it goes off and walk out the room. Before I would be in and out the room nagging him to hurry up which made him worse. It's a control thing.
3. he really likes feeling grown up by going downstairs and getting his own breakfast. So we let him do that and he has to race me down.
4. get breakfast into him quick! He's much more reasonable when he's eaten.
5. calmly try and ask him why he doesn't want to go to school, won't do his teeth. Often it's a tiny problem which we can resolve quickly.
6. give warnings- 5/2/1 minute until teeth, 5 mins to do hair.
7. making it a game, first one up chooses tv, snack after school, best plate at dinner etc.

Ultimately the getting up earlier so he's not rushed and I am not watching the clock worked the best but I am much more tired now. Hoping as he gets older we can set the alarm later.

a timer helps in our house - but this is specifically for getting shoes on as we leave. When the timer goes off, me and the children put on our shoes to go. It seems to work better than me yelling time to go and if I am also not getting my shoes on it seems to signal that it isn't actually time to go so why should they bother. I say 'i'm putting a 10 minute timer on and then we put on our shoes' as a warning.

In terms of getting dressed our compromise is I bring the clothes down stairs rather than expecting them to go up and get dressed.

I also agree with making sure I am ready and just not tackling the kids until I am completely done.

some days go well, some days don't.

MissSue - the thing is, we have more time on Fridays (as I don't work) and its no better. Dd still drags her feet because she wants to play/read her book/play with the cat etc.

I do want dd to know she's expected to be able to get dressed without one of us standing over her chivvying her along or doing it for her. I know (from speaking to other parents) that lots of other kids in her class get themselves ready as many have younger siblings and parents are tied up with them. Some kids even help their siblings get dressed too.

Am pretty sure dd is getting enough sleep, she goes to bed 7.30pm, is sleepy and tired, doesn't wake up during the night as far as we know. She's out of bed fine and full of beans in the morning. She just wants to do more fun stuff than get ready for school. Sat mornings she can stay playing in her PJs till midday if left to it.

We always have a strict morning routine. No TV or gadgets/games. Its up, breakfast, washed and dressed. Then if enough time they can do their stuff. We also have to go to work and have to leave by a certain time. Some mornings we have moaning and procrastinating but we just ignore and stick with the routine "bathroom face and teeth" It has taken time (years) but i think the same routine and you both having the same expectations of what she can do herself etc. will eventually get the message across.

What worked for mine (she's now 10)

She has to get dressed upstairs and brush teeth, I shout upstairs every 5 minutes to remind her not to gaff. No t.v. on a morning or playing with toys

My two are 5 and 7. I have everything ready the night before; uniform laid out on their desks, lunches in the fridge, snacks already in bags. We all wake up around 6, they shower and I make breakfast, they come out in their towelly onesies and we eat breakfast. They brush their teeth then I shower whilst they get dressed. All done by around 7.45/8. Then we just chill out till school time. It took a while of walking them through every step but eventually it became routine. I don't really have much advice for that if your kid is just not interested in getting ready and doesn't care about being in trouble etc...

Sat mornings she can stay playing in her PJs till midday if left to it.

Personally I'd stop that until she gets the hang of weekdays. As soon as she's awake, clothes and ready for the day.

My ds is in Reception and our schedule is

7.25 Get up and make breakfast
7.35 to 8.10 eat breakfast
8.15 Get dressed
8.35 leave house

It doesn't give us loads of time but we just about manage!

We don't have tv or playing on school day mornings.

In theory its:
wake
breakfast
dd gets dressed and brushes her teeth
one of us brushes her hair
shoes and coats and go.

In reality its:
wake
breakfast
chivvy dd to finish her breakfast quicker
chivvy dd to go upstairs and get dressed
find dd upstairs, naked but playing with cat
chivvy dd in stern voice to get dressed
dd takes an age faffing with tights so do them for her
dd has a strop and tells me to go away and shuts door
use sterner voice and threats to chivvy dd to get dressed
dd finally gets dressed
chivvy dd to brush her teeth and clean her face
pray to God we're on the home straight
brush dd's hair veeery slowly and gently while dd whinges it hurts
eventually get shoes and coats on before I lose the will to live.

Dd's teacher says 'she just gets on with it, I never have to ask her to do something twice'.
I swear he's lying.

As harsh and awful as this sounds I would give her a timescale for each thing and if that means she ends up missing all or most of her breakfast or goes to school in her pyjamas, and has to get changed in the car or in school, then so be it. She will very quickly stop procrastinating then.

We are up with 15 mins extra time before we need to leave the house. Tablet can be used once you are ready to go.
Out the house at 6.50, so it's a very early start, but works here.

Getting dressed before breakfast helps here.

My two have to get themselves dressed while I'm in the shower (6:30 ish), and then the oldest goes downstairs and puts drinks in bags and flicks on the kettle while I finish getting ready. They've got 10 mins to get ready, no choice in the matter.
It is all a bit strict, but when you're on your own and have to be out by 7am, it's how it's got to be.

definitely dressed before breakfast
I'd rather they have a wee bit of porridge down their fronts than find them still in pyjamas at the dining table at 8.30

we have a theoretical "spare" 15mins, which can be used for TV or other screens if and only if I am satisfied that they are ready right down to shoes and coats. They actually get screen time maybe one or two mornings in five, and the rest of the time I'm still hollering at them at 8.29.

i just took my daughters amazon fire away till shes ready once she has eaten dressed and brushed her teeth she can play with it for a little bit before we go to school

Oh god I feel your pain. Mine are 10 & 7 and I am now at the point of not having such a battle, but they are not great in the mornings.

Same routine every day - up, dress, eat, teeth & face. Currently I have discovered that as we are all enjoying me reading the Hobbit to them, I can use this as a reward if they are good.

My best tip is to try to stop getting wound up & caring: it was me getting stressed then dumping a massive telling off on them and i’d go to work feeling shit. I decided I just Wouldn’t Care. I stayed calm & tld myself not to mind. Gave warnings and information about time ‘kitchen is closing in 5 mins’. Gave her the responsibility to decide how the morning went. Lots of audible praise & fun with the child who was down to eat breakfast in time. In the end it was left up to oldest to decide and I think one day of her flinging clothes on at the last minute & eating a jam sandwich in the car made her realise I would actually be taking her to school whatever her state.

Now she lies in bed til the last minute but has started to come down on time (30 mins after I wake her!) and does most stuff ok... it’s the last minute hair style or finding something she wants to take that holds us up. I just get in the car & leave keys in door for her to lock and jump in car.

7yr old DS is not too bad and although I pop his clothes on his bed as he’s in a high sleeper, he then dresses pretty sensibly.

I still issue times & constant reminders, as if the fact they need to brush teeth is a surprise and not what we EVERY DAY. But i’m also asking more: can you check your bags, clear the table, make beds - as they get older.
They know we pack the night before but it’s not a habit yet...

My sanity is much better since making a pact with myself not to berate them in the car for the crap moments, and I always knew that wasn’t going to help but some days I just needed to vent my vexation!!!

No idea. No techniques have ever worked 🤷‍♀️.

Definitely dress and teeth done before breakfast - so the essentials are done and if she's messing around she's using up her own breakfast/chill time.

I have 4 dc, including a toddler and a 3 month old baby. Mornings are a military routine here to get out on time, but it's the dressed first rule that was the game changer.

Yep. It's the only way. Anything else leads to faffing. We do teeth before breakfast too.