How do you manage the getting ready for school battle?

[dameofdilemma]

Because I feel like 7am-8am every school day is hell.

Dd is 6, Year 2 and perfectly capable of getting herself dressed and brushing her teeth. Dp or I make her breakfast and brush/tie her hair.

Every morning ends up with procrastination and stroppy outbursts from dd and then either stern voiced threats of cancelled playdates/no tv/taking toys away etc (if its me)
or dressing dd and brushing her teeth as though she were a toddler (if its dp).

We've tried rewarding good behaviour - dd wouldn't agree to the type of reward and wanted a £20 toy every week
We tried (from another MN thread) a timetable - dd ignored it.

Dp and I both have to get to work so we do need to leave on time. Tbh though its no better on my non working day as I still have to threaten to phone dd's teacher to tell him dd will be late!

Dd is a good kid, we're lucky, she really is well behaved, kind, bright and responsible - just not between 7am-8am Mon to Fri term time.

I end up going to work each day feeling sad and wishing I could rewind the morning back.
I need a strategy...

Do you follow through on the threats, OP? Because I get the impression that you don't so I'd stop them straight away as I don't think it's helpful. Especially the one about ringing her teacher

I think a lot of children are like this in the morning, mine always needed timing reminders and I found the most effective way was to adopt the cheery persona of a CBeebies presenter and cheerily issue reminders frequently. Getting dressed as soon as awake really does help, though.

Relentless cheerfulness and races.

It's SO hard to muster first thing in the morning, and you'll probably feel like a total idiot, but it CAN be a game changer, especially if she's already full of beans and wanting to play...

10-minute sprints on an alarm clock with an inanely cheery song to mark time, and clear 'tasks' to complete before the alarm goes off. You have your own tasks, she has her own, too.

Smiles, laughter, racing her to get your tasks done before she does hers... even if she's stropping, YOU WILL NOT BE UN-CHEERED. YOU ARE THE MORNING LAUGHTER AND FUN MACHINE.

And if she hasn't completed her tasks? They don't get done!

Not dressed? How embarrassing, you're getting in the car anyway, so she has to go to school in her pyjamas (with uniform in a bag, of course)! Hasn't eaten her breakfast? Oh no, she'll have to eat in the car or wait until breaktime!

If the 'standard routine' is battlegrounds and bad moods, that's what you get more of. But a massive U-turn that moves so fast she can either get on the train or get totally left behind, with no space for tantrums or whining – that can often do the trick.

It absolutely may not do the trick. But kids tend to find it much harder to dig their heels in against someone who's having loads of fun than they do against someone who's harassed and annoyed...

Oh, and a definite yes to breakfast in the car been there, done that

Loving your work ladybee

YOU WILL NOT BE UN-CHEERED. YOU ARE THE MORNING LAUGHTER AND FUN MACHINE.

I am imagining this with a Monica-style energy train woo-woo, but it really is the best way. Shouting just upsets everyone (including the shouter).

DD reception goes to the bathroom to change if she's procrastinating. Away from distraction.

Following as DS (almost 5, yr R) is exactly the same. Zero interest in getting dressed and totally unmotivated by either punshment or rewards. I would expect him still to need some help at his age but he won't even try or say he needs help, just totally ignores me. I have tried the 'Ok you can go to school in your pyjamas line' and he just tantrums on the floor at the point I'm getting into the car, it's difficult to physically manhandle a fighting screaming child into the car - how do you do it?

I have 2 dc who are very different.
Ds is 15 and in year 11. He gets up at 7 at the latest every morning, straight in the shower and gets the early bus to school ( there is an early bus and a late bus but both are in time for registration ) and he's brilliant at getting up.
Everything is done the night before as much as possible to make mornings a bit smoother.

Dd is in year 3 and is 7 ( will be 8 in 2 weeks ) and she's an absolute nightmare to get up. Has loved her sleep since the day she was born and her bed is a high sleeper which means me clambering up the ladder to try and wake her up.

Anyway, one tactic I've found great lately
was that I told her that she could stay in bed, get up when she pleased and then we would get her ready for school where the first port of call would be to the HT's office to explain herself. I said it so casually and didn't raise my voice. She knew i meant business. She got straight up and has been much better lately.
I tell her that if she is ready and we have time then she can have her iPad whilst I finish getting ready. She also reacts very well to praise.

All of her cousins are the ones who get up at 6 everyday and I find that alien as it's never happened in my house. She is a very good girl and has never been in trouble so I think the thought of explaining herself to the head was more than enough to get her up!

Took her to school as she was. In the 800m car journey she was dressed. No going back upstairs. Dressed before they come down.

No attention. Time warnings. Her problem don't make it yours.

I’m also intrigued at how you actually carry out the ‘going to school in pyjamas’ threat without manhandling.

Dressed, teeth and bags ready before breakfast, they play or watch TV when everything else is done.
My younger two used to be a nightmare in the mornings but have stuck firmly to the above from nursery and now at 8 and 6 yrs old it's second nature.

Deathstares!

My father used to spray our feet with deodorant if we wouldn't get out of bed. That woke us right up (ice cold).

Is there any point brushing teeth before breakfast (honest question!)?

@Lazyi you are supposed to brush before breakfast, dentists advise it. The toothpaste helps protects the teeth, afterwards your just brushing breakfast around your mouth.

I understand your logic there Layzi.

No breakfast until you are dressed does it for us.

The toothpaste helps protects the teeth, afterwards your just brushing breakfast around your mouth

@daipaned that makes so much sense! How have I only learned that at 31?

But then what do you do about the bits of breakfast that might get trapped between teeth - brush again?

not trying to derail thread, just having a moment of amazement

@diapaned Great advice - thanks. That will save a trip back upstairs each morning!

Explain to dd that it is causing a problem and that she will have to practice getting ready on a Saturday until she can do it quickly enough!

Make a laminated list of everything she needs to do. She ticks it off with a dry wipe pen when done.
Set the timer for the length of time you would like her to achieve the tasks in and she has to have all tasks ticked off before time goes.
Practice this on a Saturday when there is no actual time pressure.
Once she can do it in the given time, then she doesn't need to practice on a Saturday any more.
You'll probably only have to do it once on a Saturday.
Then get her to follow this every morning. If she doesn't you'll have to go back to Saturday practices!!!

I was a lazy parent during school mornings, I use to bring DD breakfast in bed (yes I know...but her room is right next to the kitchen) but oh god she ate it so much faster. We only had a small table in front of the TV so she would be glued to the telly.

Then it was teeth and face.

DD went to a mufti school, flipping hell that was the worst part, she would spend ages deciding what to wear. In the end I just threatened I would decide what she is wearing and I would have to dress her (which she hated).

Hair was always last so if she spent ages on clothes, she would go to school with unbrushed hair.

Another problem we have is that dd is one of these strange people who can’t face eating first thing in the morning. But neither is she particularly pleasant to be around until she’s got something inside her. Ugh.

I quite like the Saturday practise session idea.

Sorry, side question here: if you brush your teeth before breakfast, how do you stop your whole breakfast tasting of mint? I actually brush my teeth sometimes in the middle of the day to stop me eating...

Could you consider short hair for your DD? Does having long hair add anything to her life? To yours? A cute bob cut is a very practical way to remove a potential battleground.

...that makes so much sense! How have I only learned that at 31? it was a lightbulb moment for me too!
but then what do you do about the bits of breakfast that might get trapped between teeth - brush again?

I get the kids to floss and or use interdental brushes after breakfast, I feel like that plus a drink of water is enough.

@WinterHeatWave, I brush when I first get up, by the time I'm showered dressed and sorted the kids out my cup of tea doesn't taste minty. I don't eat breakfast until about 11 though.

Thanks all.

Getting dressed before breakfast will be a huge battle....dd is even more grumpy before she's eaten. Am wondering if it will just make things even worse.

Getting dressed in the car isn't possible (we walk to school) and I haven't the nerve to walk her to school in her PJs.

Dd doesn't outright refuse to get dressed etc but just takes soooo long with so much chivvying.

The poster who said I need to just not get wound up about it is right. I've taken to calling out '5 mins to get dressed' but not hovering over her.

And yes, threats are carried through (eg no bedtime story twice this week. Couple of weeks ago her favourite toys were taken away etc). Obvs not the one about calling her teacher though!

Just tell her to get dressed while you go down to sort breakfast. If she's hungry she'll get a move on. Completely ignore grumpiness