Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

teen dress conflict

31 replies

dad750 · 26/01/2019 01:17

Hi
I'm looking to canvas opinion on an outfit my 13 year old daughter wants me to buy her (out of xmas money I have promised her). I think its totally inappropriate for a 13 yr old girl, however my ex wife has said she thinks its ok, and that when daughter comes to wear it it would look different, and she would get lower heeled boots. Also ex has said if it comes and she doesnt like it it would be sent back. I do not find that acceptable on several fronts. I would like back up (as would happen if married) not undermining and disagreement in front of daughter, and also I do not believe it would be sent back. I know this sort of thing has happened behind my back in the past, however as I am meant to be buying it hence it has been brought to my attention. We have been divorced for 8 years, and on the whole we do an ok job of the situation.
I attach a link to the outfit, and await comments, for which I thank you in advance.

www.prettylittlething.com/white-bardot-ruched-side-jumper-dress.html

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 26/01/2019 01:27

Well did you promise her Xmas money or did you promise to buy her a dress? I think if it's Xmas MONEY you should hand it over

It will of course look totally different on a 13 yo be a use she won't be in thigh High boots. I imagine she'll soon realise she's bloody cold in it and wear it with leggings, jeans etc.

FollyPolly · 26/01/2019 01:30

What does your daughter think of it?
It's an annoying dress in that it's the kind you spend all night hitching up or down.but broadly on a 13 year old..? They're children so unless she's wearing it to a nightclub she can wear a tutu and a cape and it's ok.

FollyPolly · 26/01/2019 01:32

Meaning that younger years are surely okay to explore styles in a save environment. Even ones you might not like.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

13 year olds General parenting
Phillipa12 · 26/01/2019 01:45

Covers more than shorts and a vest top! You need to stop seeing the adult in this outfit, it will probably be longer, she wont be wearing thigh high boots and pulling a pose as in the picture, she could also have chosen a lot worse. The only reason i wouldnt buy it is because its white, it would be a nightmare to keep clean.

DawgLover · 26/01/2019 01:53

How tall is your daughter? If she's less than 5"8 then the dress will be longer on her. Agree with the others who say this covers more than shorts and a vest, and that it's be more likely worn worn with tights.

Original poster
dad750 · 26/01/2019 02:07

I offered her money for shopping trip, not cash per se to be spent on Nandos and Starbucks
She wants the outfit for a party in a nightclub, not a jelly and ice cream effort, to be worn bare legged with thigh boots or high heels (heels she already has several pairs of)
Won't the dress be length appropriate for size, ie she wants an 8, the length will be in proportion?

OP posts:
notangelinajolie · 26/01/2019 02:30

I'd be more worried about the fact she is going to a nightclub than this dress.

Original poster
dad750 · 26/01/2019 02:36

A couple of girls parents have jointly hired the club for sole use for a few hours before main opening time. Its pretty common now for a lot of clubs (outside of london) to do to make some extra cash and seems to be the theme for teen parties atm.

OP posts:
Justagirlwholovesaboy · 26/01/2019 02:41

Let her wear it, it won’t be the same fit on a teen as on the model, plus you have to trust her. If she is going to do something you don’t approve of she’ll so it regardless of what she is wearing. At least this way you’ll still be someone she will talk to about this

FTMF30 · 26/01/2019 05:18

Hmmm, I'm with you OP. The dress does seem inappropriate, even worn on a,13yo body.
Can't she look elsewhere for a dress? That entire website is inappropriate for a teen to shop from in my opinion. A lot of their clothes are advertised with models with huge cleavage and that's the desired look shoppers want. They then buy the product and it looks completely naff on them.
Even if the dress doesn't look so sexed up on your daughter, I wouldn't indulge her wanting a dress that's quite so sexy. Yes, it may cover more than shorts and a very but that's an entire different look. I'd encourage her to look at some sites that are less sexed up (e.g Top shop, river island, etc)

Sillybilly1234 · 26/01/2019 05:33

My daughter would love it but over my dead body would I let her wear it.

EmmaJR1 · 26/01/2019 07:14

I always thought I was quite laid back about clothing, thinking it doesn't really matter. However I think the way the model is wearing the dress and posing is quite provocative and when I think of my dagger asking to wear things like that in the future I go cold!

Can you compromise on that with leggings/skinny jeans?

lalaloopyhead · 26/01/2019 07:22

My first issue with this would be that it is white!

I'm a bit surprised you allow you dd to wear thigh high boots if you have a issue with dress and agree combined would definitely be too much, and she would probably look a bit daft too.

My dd is older, but I would imagine would wear that dress with trainers so not to look like a try hard.

NotANotMan · 26/01/2019 07:24

Thigh boots on a 13 year old are completely inappropriate
How's that dress going to stay up on a child's body?

Fraying · 26/01/2019 07:25

The length isn't in proportion to the size. I can be an 8 at 5 foot 5, so can someone at 4 foot 2 or 6 foot 1. It's simply based on chest, waist, hips measurements.
I don't have an opinion on the dress. In the '80s jumper dresses were 'in' and were a similar style to this. I had the strictest parents in the world and they still bought me one. Clothes do look different on children.

Biologifemini · 26/01/2019 07:34

She will be cold
It’s a no because of the thigh boots which are ridiculous on an adult let alone a 14 year old.
I think either a short shirt or shoulder top are fine but not bother together. She will be forever pulling at it so it doesn’t fall off.
And it’s white!

messyhousetidymind · 26/01/2019 07:45

It's a particular "look"
Boots are key to it working

Google eg Ariana grande jjumoer dress and you'll see pictures of her in a white jumper and black boots

I would try to compromise with a jumper dress that doesn't fall off the shoulder and flat boots

messyhousetidymind · 26/01/2019 07:46

If you post on style and beauty someone will prob suggest alternative

FiveStoryFire · 26/01/2019 07:52

I'm pretty laid back about this sort of thing but must admit I agree with you OP.

It looks totally inappropriate for a 13yo.

Good idea to post on style and beauty for an alternative.

anniehm · 26/01/2019 07:52

Personally I would not allow this at 13, but I was pretty strict with my girls and they never got money under 16 as a gift (it went into savings if any was given). My dd17 has something similar now but has the common sense not to wear it in my presence, nor cropped tops or any other of my pet hates - but she's short so it's much longer and it's black but could be the same one I think.

anniehm · 26/01/2019 07:54

PS both my girls always where shorts under short dresses, it's a good habit to stress.

jackstini · 26/01/2019 08:01

My dd is 13 soon and no way would she wear that with bare legs

Also unless your daughter is already very blessed in the chest department, it would fall down

If she wore a white vest top under and teamed it with thick tights, skinny jeans or leggings under then maybe

Thigh high boots completely inappropriate at that age - I would be more worried about those than the dress

Party in a nightclub setting I get, it's just a space, but they shouldn't be dressing like 18 year olds

messyhousetidymind · 26/01/2019 08:09

www.missguided.co.uk/white-basic-sweater-dress-10121075#

For example. You can see it in the video rather than a "sexy" pose

alphabiggins · 26/01/2019 08:11

I have 3 kids including a 14 year old daughter. I have asked myself this question many times. I have let her choose what she wants to wear. She has worn some things that I'm not 100% comfortable with but as others have said now is the time to experiment. She has friends whose parents have a stricter dress code who buy clothes, hide in their bag and change into once they leave the house. I didn't want to set the precedent for being a bit sneaky.

We have had lots of conversations about being free to wear what you want and if others judge that is their problem. It is her body and to me it is her choice. After a few more 'glamorous' outfits she is now much more happy in jeans and trainers.