battles at the dinner table with a 3 year old....

[BellaVictoria]

my husband and I are not quite sure as to how to handle this new chapter
we've tried holding her to eating everything on her plate or else she goes on time out & misses her "yummy" afterward.....not quite working! We've read, and have not tried yet, letting her eat what she wants off her plate without stressing what or how much she should eat and accepting when she says she's done.....we don't know about this...since we think we she needs her nutrition....she does get a vitamine every day.....and she is used to getting a "yummy" after her meals.....a reward for being a good girl....we also don't know how to get out of that routine, if we let her decide how much she'll eat, we definitely don't agree with giving her a reward for a half eaten meal Thanks ahead of time for your input.......this website has help us tons in our 4 years on it!!!!!!

Oh yes, been through this one...

I'd cut down on the portion size you give her - so 1 bite size thing of everything - literally, one piece of carrot, 1 small (dice size?) piece of meat, 1 cut up small potato. Then tell her she can either eat it and she'll get a treat after, or she doesn't have to, but no treat.

If you're giving her a vitamin and she's having a good breakfast she'll be fine. It doesn't matter if she doesn't eat any tea for a few days.

If she eats the lot regularly, slowly increase the amount you put on her plate.

Whatever happens, try not to make any fuss about it (the tricky bit! ). Let her leave the table whenever she wants - the rules are that when she's left, that's it - she can't come back (we always scrape the plates as soon as our two have left) and if she hasn't eaten all/what you consider to be enough, then there's no treat.

Make it black and white, no messing, no negotiating. But the tough thing is being prepared to see her eat no tea for a few days. You'll definitely win this one, honest!!

Are you simply giving her too much food? I think many of us vastly over estimate how much food a child needs.

What sort/size plate do you serve her food on?
Does she eat with you or alone? Where does she eat?

I never force DD to finish her food. I try to make meals a non-battle time type event, but a social event, chance to enjoy food together and to chat together about our days.

You can still give something after her main meal, but gradually change what it is. Introduce more nutrious desserts which include yogurts, fruit, cheese and biscuits, etc. Once the second course is nutrious and healthy also, it doesn't matter if she only eats half her main course, as the second course will be fine anyway.

I am assuming "yummies" are chocolates or sweets. Avoid using that word and treat all food as equally as yummy.

we eat at the dinner table...we do serve her on the same size plates the adults eat in....I do cut up all her food....she is healthy and has always eaten very well....we've just began this battle....she talks to the fork, she sings...and minutes go by, and by, and by

i started to put aside evry mouthful dd had i put a spoon full at the side of the plate.
It is AMAZING how much is in 5 spoonfuls alone. did this just to see for myself.
they only have small tummies.

Small portions only.

Make it fun.....
YOU "dont you DARE eat that bit of potato...i want that bit for myself"

YOU "i am saving that bit of chicken for Bob the builder/fifi/dora dont you eat it..."

KID "giggle giggle gobbleup food"
Works like a charm every time.

I guess the biggest problem is we see her get interested in her imginary play at the table and she'll sit there talking to her self and everything on the table and not eat for 10 minutes....I have to remind her that she's at the table and that she needs to eat....

well then use her imagination....doodles dog is waiting to gobble up that bit of cheese....QUICK QUICK.....

Oh my goodness, that was close..he nearly got it then its a good thing that you are such a good eater...!

we had always been very black and white on this subject ...... and she had helped..... we didn't have in mind playing with her during meal time....never did before and kind of didn't want it...you know?

ok, continue with the battle.

I think that any way of compromising is a bonus...

It works for us, cleanish plates regularly.

Do you think that you may be a bit too strict?

not strict i mean black and white.
Dont think that you are strict and i do see your point about it.

Didnt mean to sound so arsy then sorry.

What is it exactly that's causing problems for you atm? That she won't eat it all? I'd defn go with just cutting portion size right back, if that's the case.

I'm from the 'eat as much as you want then stop' school of thought (ds is 3 and a bit) - essentially I reckon I'd rather kids learnt how to guage when they're stomach is full, than learnt that you always have to eat everything put in front of you (esp when they don't ususally choose how much is put in fron of them!) He is generally a pretty unfussy eater, so I have no concerns that he doesn't get all his food groups.

But I also use lots of play (lets do a tyrannasaurus bite, a little bunny nibble etc), he always has to try one bite of anything new, and if he's being 'do't like it' about things, I ask him to eat one bite fro every year he is. he likes that he can eat three bites when his sister can only have one

Ah Ok, so the porblem is that she'll sit for ages and not eat. Sorry, but I would also be doing the fun thing then - make eating the food the most interesting option she has

dissle......no problem....I think you're right, we moght be too black & white....she's allowed us to be so far...this is new gorund

I would advise to reduce her plate size. Use a side plate or a child's plate. This will remind you just how little children actually need compared to adults.

I don't make a fuss about food. They eat what they want.
Maybe give her fruit instead of puddings.

This is from a US site but might help wih judging portion sizes for meals:

There are some guidelines you can use to feed your child:

• 1-3 years: 2 servings (1 ounce) of meat, 2 cups of milk, 3 servings of bread and
  grains, and 4 or more servings (½ cup) of vegetables and fruit

• 4-6 years: same, but increase meat serving size to 1½ ounces and give one more
  serving of bread and grains & of fruits and vegetables

• 7-10 years: same, but increase meat serving size to 1½ -2 ounces

she has a scedule of meals.....it's been the same for over a year...she goes to school 2 days a week and when she eats there she is the first to finish, the teacher actually has to tell her to slow down.....no playing or making anything fun, just sitting and eating all by yourself......she used to eat like that here....but now, she just sits and plays....every so often she'll take a bite and constantly needs to be reminded.

Hulababy: are those portins for an entire day? or for suggestions for one meal? looks like for a whole day.....

Are you eating with her? Can you engage her in conversation during the meal, to distract her from her own playing? Maybe chat about food and eating even - not OTT we must eat this type stuff, but abbout how they were cooked, how they grow/get on out plates, etc. Might help her to remember to keep eating if being asked to focus on what is on her plate.

And lots of praise for eating well, not taking hour sover it. OTT praise at the start if necessary. Adnd try to ignore, or rather no negatives, about messing/stalling for time.

For a day I think.

yes, we eat together at the table.....and we do chat about all sorts of stuff....if it's her trun, she'll go on and on and on.....it's cute,but we do have to remind her to take another bite.

I found a web site with different comparisons of servings needed for an entire day....that really helps. Thanks!

What do you think will help then Bella?
Its irritating and you feel like you are just always nagging dont you when you have to keep reminding.
You get to dread it as you know its coming.

what about reward chart.
A bit of paper with stars.
For every mouthful a star...if she can get 10 stars then a treat for pud?

Dd also 3 yrs has been faffing aroung rather then eating do we have done the following.

A) she has her own (children) size plates and cutlery.

B) I set the minute minder on the cooker for 30mins and she has to eat her dinner in that time if not then i take away whats left. I know this is hard but after 2 weeks she will eat all dinner with messing around.

C) she only gets pudding if she has eaten all her dinner or tried something i have given her which i know she not keen on for example at the moment i'm trying to get her to eat potatoes.

D) I know longer nag her and get more stressed because she not eating as i was a month ago.

dissle: we felt that she shouldn't be rewarded for eating meals.......is that bad? we give tons of praise but don't like the idea of always doing that...even though it does give better results

my husband has been more for the lots of compromising....I'm more for the time clock, this is what's served....either eat or not....and I am open to the idea of keeping the "yummy" (maybe a bit more nutritious) as a reward for her to look forward to.
dissle: you got it right!!! I HATE nagging!!!! and she does too!!! It really tugs at my heart and makes me miserable and also to be with......