Child telling lies at school..

[CandyCreeper]

Child today told the school I hit and kick him, I dont and the school have referred to social services, He also said I hit his baby sister which I do not. Im really shock and dont understand why he has done this. Has this happened to anyone else? what can I expect to happen now?

How old is he?

4 and in reception.

Has he ever told lies before

Yes he has told lies before but not about me (about the school, things happening that wouldnt possibly) but obviously I know he is lying so Ive left it at that but the school have referred me to SS which is fair enough but im now worried what will happen.

I've no experience but this website has some relevant info

childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/child-protection-referral-assessments-and-outcomes/

SS are so stretched, I am sure they will quickly assess what is going on and leave it at that. Try not to worry (easier said than done I know)

I hope youre right, Its just the last thing I need tbh, I have anxiety anyway so this has really worried
me.

You have nothing to hide. Kids tell lies. They’ll have a chat and you’ve done nothing wrong so I’m sure there’ll be nothing to stress about :)

Has he ever witnessed other adults hitting children?

Yes some of my family members do smack their children (not my kids obviously) but they have never been referred (so child has never told the school its happened)

I am guessing that your 4 year old has got mixed up in his little head. You may need to tell the relevant authorities that yes, children in your extended family are physically assaulted but that your child has not been.
Instead of focusing your energy on him ‘telling lies’ as you put it, it might be worth your while viewing life as he sees it.

You are now on the radar of both the school and social services because of the way some adults in your family treat their children. Have a think about that

I cant really determine how family members parent and they never baby sit him. Im not sure I want to tell SS that as I wouldnt want family members getting into trouble. They wouldnt be pleased!

No they won't be pleased but they shouldn't be smacking their children should they. From SS point of view your child must have got his ideas about smacking from somewhere so if it's not you then where? You need to be totally honest and open with them. Sorry OP it must v distressing,

With all due respect they can’t have any reasonable expectations of a grown adults keeping them assaulting a small child private. That’s not parenting that’s bullying. You shouldn’t have your child around such aggressive behavior either

Lots of people I know smack, Im not going to report them for it though, If I reported everyone I knew who smack I would have no one left. Im not talking a smack round the face I mean a smack on the hand for example, most people I know smack, I cant not talk to all of them as I would have no one. Aslong as they are not hitting my kids (which they wouldnt) then I cant see the issue. Im just wondering what happens now with SS as I have anxiety so still worrying about it
today.
I know they ask to look in every room in the house which is stressing me
out as my house is far from a show home. My baby ripped off some wallpaper in my bedroom so I know I will be judged for that!

Wow if you know lots of people who smack and don’t see anything wrong with a grown adult hitting a child, and would cover it up, you’re showing quite a blasé attitude towards it and that’s just as bad. You’re just going to pretend to ss that your child pulled this out of thin air? If you are lying for these people then you clearly know what they’re doing is wrong.

I didnt say it wasnt wrong?! however a tap on the hand with no mark is not illegal and the children arent being abused and are very loved and cared for. I just want to know what will happen with this situation not about anyone elses. I cant control other peoples parenting.

Well @Fabaunt, as smacking your own child is legal anyway (in England only out of UK), I doubt SS will be interested in her friends and family smacking their kids on the hand. Personally I don't smack my children and I don't think parents should smack, but calm down. Lots of people do it and it is legal. Obviously kicking and beating is not legal, and pretty different IMO.

Do you ever smack your kids? I know you said you don't hit or kick them, but some people dismiss smacking as being different from hitting. If so that might be why he said it, as a child will experience a smack as the same as hitting, even if adults use a euphemism for it.

I'm a teacher and have twice had to refer to social work when children have lied about being hit at home (as well as countless times when they haven't lied). With one of the children it seemed quite obvious that they were lying but we still have to work off of the basis that it was true in order to make sure that nothing is missed. With the other child it seemed very plausible but when SS investigated they found it wasn't true, which the child later admitted. In both cases SS did very thorough investigations which might seem scary but it's actually a very good thing as it's how they find out the truth behind it all and if your child is making it up that's what they will most likely find out.

Thanks! Wenttoseainasieve finally some sense. I get people are against smacking but that is not my battle to fight. Its not illegal and I dont get involved in their parenting.

No son has never been smacked or hit by me. Him and his brother constantly fight and kick and hit eachother though, so maybe that? but I thought that was relatively normal? children fighting? ive remembered He also said I shout and get angry, well ofcourse I shout and tell them off when they are fighting I dont just stand there allowing it. And ive shouted in ither situations where they are listening, im not perfect but I dont smack him.

I don't know anyone who hits their children.. not even "just a hand"

@Tractortod it is statistically unlikely that you know no one who snacks their child. Unless you are in their physical presence 24/7 you wouldn't know. People don't tend to run about announcing that they smack their child. Many people claim not to but occasionally do.

Unfortnately its very common with people I know. Even my ex use to be pro smacking but it wouldnt come from him as he has been absent for 2 years. He said all his friends smack (as he thought he should be allowed to smack them) I dont know anyone who has been reported for smacking though so thats why I asked on here about if a child says it.

Thanks anatol I know it can take a long time to investigate. So its going to be hanging over me for some time.

I agree sollyfromsurrey many people do it but dont tell people because it goes on behind closed doors and they dont shout it from the roof tops. As I said its common from what I see IRL.