What is life like with a toddler and a newborn?

[GoodJobShesCute]

I have a toddler and would love her to have a sibling. I just can't imagine being able to deal with a newborn on top of her. She is wonderful but exhausting! I'm not too far off turning 40 so it needs to be sooner rather than later if we do have a second.
So, for those who have two, genuinely how do you manage? Really keen to hear some experiences.

My daughter was just 2 when our son was born. I went back to work and my husband stayed at home, although I did the night stuff. It honestly was fine
They love each other so much and we didn’t find it that much extra work really, but we do appreciate we have really easy kids. Now that our son is 2 we’re thibking about maybe having another one.

@GoodJobShesCute, I turned 40 last month and have a 16 month old. I feel the same way about how I'd cope with a 2nd. My DD is at nursery full days, so that will help. I must admit I don't feel ready right now and even thinking of leaving it until I'm 41/42. To be honest if fertility wasn't an issue at 40 plus I'd be tempted to wait until oldest is at school. Sorry, probably no real help from my post but I do completely understand x

At nursery 3 days

Notum - that's what I want for my daughter so much that love and bond you only get between siblings! If only I could guarantee that number two would sleep as that has been a major issue here, although is improving now.

Love - same if it weren't an age thing I'd be so happy to wait!

Mine are 20 months apart and it wasn't as bad as I was expecting it to be! It took us a long time to leave the house and I had to be organised (I had a pacapod changing bag and had a pod for each child with nappies/spare clothes).

My toddler was very full on so still got most of the attention when she was awake! I used to go out most mornings to tire her out (to a group/activity/dog walk) and then spend the afternoons at home.

It wasn't anywhere near as difficult as I thought it would be. I have a challenging dc1 so was prepared for the worst. I didn't try breastfeeding for long as it wasn't working for us so using formula after the first week was marvellous for us, meant dad could do lots when he was home and my older child didn't feel as abandoned as baby wasn't feeding from me lots. I would say now that the baby is a toddler it's harder for me.

I had both mine in my 40s (41 and 44). DC1 was a dream and babyhood was just lovely for us. DC2 is wonderful but oh so much harder work! Nothing prepared us for how tough having two would be. I have younger friends who are similarly struggling. I found the transition from one to two children a much greater shock to the system than from none to one. I still would do it again in a heartbeat though. I highly recommend you make sure you have a lot of support to call on in the early months though - just in case.

Mine are 2 years apart and I found it much easier going from 1-2 than 0-1. What I'm struggling with is mum guilt as I have to split my time now

Yeah, the mum guilt is strong it can be a challenge...my 2 year old gets bored and jealous while I'm bfing the baby, no matter how many toys I put out/how desperately I read Zog for the 100th time/ how much CBeebies I deploy, and accidentally on purpose keeps trying to smack the baby. Argh. But she also loves her dearly and wants to give her cuddles and kisses, help her to roll over, keep her warm with a blanket...I'm so looking forward to watching them grow together. I don't regret it even though I'm cream crackered.

It is easier for me than going from 0-1 (even though I'm also pushing 40), but DD1 was a demanding baby and DD2 seems less so...or maybe I've just got used to it!

Things that help:
DH getting up to do the breakfast shift (DD1 still usually wakes more like 5 am than 6)
Nursery for DD1 one day a week
Dividing time at weekends so I get some quality time with each kid alone
Shit loads of playgroups
Knowing all the local playgrounds with gates so I can feed DD2 without DD1 escaping
A baby carrier
And some fun triage when it comes to nappies/feeding time for both!

(I just now had DD1 screaming blue murder with night terrors in the room next door as I was feeding DD2...had to go settle her with baby hanging off me as DH has fallen asleep with headphones in).

I'm starting potty training tomorrow as I'm so over the relentless parade of nappies.. wish me luck! And good luck to you with your decision.

We also had two in quick succession due to our age and I've found it really hard. I can identify with some of the point here - constant mum guilt at splitting your time and attention mainly.

I am in the process of trying out slings as this would help massively, my main problem is not enough hands currently! We've also found a good play centre which is small enough that DC1 can go off and play while I sit with DC2 to feed. I found out on my own at a bigger play centre that this is crucial when the bigger one is still too small to go on everything and climb the bigger bits alone!

I've found the transition much harder than going from 0 - 1 and opened this thread fully expecting others to feel the same. I'm surprised that I'm in the minority but maybe everyone else has their shit together and I haven't 😆

My second is almost four months and I can see (hope?!) that it may become a little easier when they can sit unaided or will be put down for five minutes, maybe this is just wishful thinking??

Thinking about it I find it easier when I am organised and we are out the house. Yes is is physically more demanding with a pram for two to lump in and out the car and a toddler to ensure doesn't dart off across the car park while getting the baby out of the car, but while writing this post I've realised that I've got this.

I spend my time looking forward to them being older as I imagine it's easier, but as I know from DC1, it doesn't get easier, just different.
Another mum recently told me, when they are little it is physically hard, as they grow it becomes mentally harder. Well I think this is what she said, we struggled to have a conversation over her two older ones chatting and constantly asking questions, making observations, providing a running commentary on dinner....!

I will miss them both being little and I should enjoy it as DC1 becomes more and more loving and protective of DC2 and DC2 is beginning to recognise and react (positively!) to DC1. In fact, it's bloody hard, but I would't change it for the world!

Thanks for the replies! Yes I can see how Mum guilt is a really tough one. I put loads of pressure on myself to be the best mum possible as our daughter was long awaited and I want to give her what I see as the best start in life. Which for some reason involves dragging her here and there to different activities rather than just relaxing at home with the telly on every now and then!

I'd feel bad at not being able to give her or a new baby my full attention. But then I can't help but feel that a sibling is the best gift I could give her.

Interesting that those who've found the 1-2 transition really hard still wouldn't change it. I found 0-1 so difficult so maybe 1-2 wouldn't be as bad as I fear!

Reading your replies and thinking about it so much I think despite the hard work it will be worth it.

Just need to convince my partner it's a good idea! That's a whole other hill to climb!

I have a 15 month old and a 4 month old. It’s lovely and I adore them both but it’s also bloody hard work! Then again most people wouldn’t have such an insanely small age gap

Would you be in a position to get some help if you did have another? Even though I’m still on mat leave we have a lovely nanny who comes in to help in the mornings because it’s so full on with two babies for the first few hours of the day. Not sure I could cope without her! I know some people are a bit anti getting help in when one parent isn’t working but it’s been a godsend for us ...

Does anyone else have a baby who HATES the bath? Or a baby who has come to like it??

My DS absolutely loves bathtime and always has. My little girl however (aged 4 months) is the complete opposite. She seems to be terrified of the water and screams the house down as soon as she feels the water, despite being a very placid and smiley baby the rest of the time. It makes bathtime a real drama and it really stresses me out seeing her so traumatised (sounds dramatic but she really seems terrified).

We’ve tried singing, gentle sponging rather than splashing, bathing her with her brother And on her own, before/after food, distracting with toys, different temperatures ... but to no avail! We’ve also tried her in a stand-alone baby bath and holding her in the main bath, but it makes no difference.

As my son loves swimming I thought I would give it a try with her in the hope it would be different if I was actually in there with her- we went to a class in a small, really warm pool and it was a disaster - she got completely hysterical and was the only one crying! I gave it 10 mins and then beat a hasty, red-faced retreat!

I really don’t know what to do. I don’t want her to be scared of the water as she gets bigger and I don’t know whether to try bathing her more in the hope she’ll get used to it or just as often as necessary to keep her clean and keep the meltdowns to a minimum!

Does anyone have any tips or experience of the same?? Thanks in advance!

Oops sorry OP my second post was meant to be a new post!

My eldest was 2 and a half when her brother came along. In some ways it was easy because I knew what I was doing and I was far more relaxed - had to be - and in other ways it was hard because it's a constant balancing act. Now they're older it's very much a love/hate relationship. Mainly they get on best when they're traumatising me. I think the strength of a sibling relationship is having someone who might want to trap your face in the window many times a day but who'll always be on your side when you need them.

The most difficult thing I've ever done is have 2 dc under 2, especially when you add depression into the mix.
It got easier when I went back to work.
It got easier when the youngest learned to walk and talk.
It got easier when they were able to play together.
The first year was Hell and I just had to grit my teeth and get on with it.

My daughter had just turned 2 when my son was born. It wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be, we were already in the parenting routine by then and ds just fitted in nicely. I think the hardest bit was the initial parenting guilt when I was tired from waking all hours so far too many days were sat with dcs watching TV in the early days. It is lovely now though, they play together and have a wonderful bond forming. I think it's a nice age gap to have.

Oh and like you op, I found 0-1 child so difficult, having to learn to be a parent etc but found 1-2 much easier!

My Ds was 2 when my DD was born at age 44. I have found the 1st year very hard with a demanding, tantruming toddler and a baby, but now she's a year it's getting easier and more enjoyable.

I found it very tough

Following this as my DP is keen to try for a baby this year but my DDis 3 months! I think it would be chaos but the thinks it’s better to have them closer in age (he has two children close in age from a previous marriage) but I’m not sure I’d cope.

14 months apart. It nearly broke me and nearly broke my marriage (May be different if you have a helpful husband!)
Lovely though!

I have four dcs, 7, 5, 2 and 5 months. It is busy but you do get better at babies!
In my experience whether you find the second a big shock depends a lot of how your firstborn was. If you had a tricky first baby then the second is easier, if you had a chilled baby/toddler then the impact is so much higher! It's also a lot easier if you have support from a partner or family or can afford help. The other plus for me has been that being alone with just one (sleepless) baby could feel so lonely, and be simultaneously exhausting and dull - but life is never dull with more!

I find that the key with toddlers and newborns is getting active. Long days in the house drag on and everyone ends up cranky - so no matter how tired, or how windy it is out, we get out for a walk or to the park or a playgroup, or hop on the tube for an adventure to the Science Museum or to see a friend. For me, days with them fly by, by the time we've done activities, jobs, had lunch, maybe watched an episode or two on cbeebies while I give the baby some one on one time (or if he's asleep, mess about on my phone), then prep for dinner or do some playdough or puzzles, I'm always shocked to realise it's school pickup time.

I've breastfed 3 and bottle fed 1, and both ways also work. Breastfeeding you do need a bit more help at the start if they cluster feed, but then I've found it much easier than bottle feeding in the medium term, as there's less admin involved, and the older DCs know it's time to play themselves or to bring a book and snuggle up. Bottle feeding is quicker at the start and helps to share the load, but then I found it more of a pain to always need to organise it, and especially when travelling. It's also much harder to find time to exercise and be healthy with two, so I liked the extra energy burn of feeding too.

Also a sling. I would have stopped at two if I can't found so many really comfortable ones that I could wear for hours and breastfeed in!

I’m probably not the best person to ask as I’m in the thick of it right now. I have a 19 month old and a 5 week old. In a way it’s not as bad as I thought it would be but it is bloody hard and I agree with pp that the mum guilt is so strong. I find it hard to split myself between two and my older one is barely more than a baby himself so still needs a lot of attention and I feel like neither of them are getting enough from me. That being said I absolutely do not regret the small gap and I think all the hard bits will be worth it when they are older and hopefully get on well. There are a lot of benefits to a small gap, even if it is very full on at first.

Reading this with a lot of interest as I am 30 weeks pregnant and have a 10 month old! I feel like my son is still a while off being a toddler and I'll basically have two babies to care for. Some days I feel confident enough in coping, but mostly I am sh*tting myself! Thinking how will i manage to BF this time, Mum guilt, what if they both scream in the night at the same time, e.t.c............Someone told me its better to run through fire than walk through it lol!
My son goes to a childminder 4 days a week as Im just back to work (only for 7 weeks though lol) and that will continue once new baby comes and then after a few months I'll take him home another day with me. My husband is a really good help with my son. Although both our families live over an hour away from us so we wont have much support in that way.
My son is a pretty good, chilled out baby (mostly!) so Im intrigued at what the next little one will be like!
No doubt it will be hard as f**k but the years pass so quickly so Im prepared to spend the next couple of years tied to the house more, getting no or crap sleep, snapping at hubby after a hard day and living in leggings and baggy t shirts!