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Original poster

Mother in law with her opinions

37 replies

Rachelwi123 · 14/01/2019 13:46

Hi everyone just wondering if I can have all women’s opinions that are parents.
Basically I live with my mil, my partner and my baby atm. My mil is always interfering when it comes to my 6 month old son and never got anything nice to say about me to anyone, it’s either she knows best or it’s not right and disagrees, she thinks I’m raising my son wrong she’ll go to her daughter and say she’s concerned about his feeding rather than come to me, she’s told her that I starv my baby all afternoon then fill him right up at at teatime which is totally wrong she works nights so she is in bed most afternoons so she doesn’t get see to see me feed him in the afternoon, my partner darent say anything to his mum because it might make things worse, I always make sure my sure my son his clean fed and changed and she knows this as she sees him everyday! She’s started to become a problem in mine and partners relationship but it’s tricky because we live under her roof. Now she’s bin having an opinion because I go out to bingo once a week on a Wednesday, I’m on about starting the gym a couple of times a week to loose abit of baby weight, and leave dad with baby when he finishes work. But I always make sure the teas done for when he comes home from work the bath is run babies fed and bathed, pots are washed and put away. Her opinion is that baby should be with me 24/7 because my partner works and I shouldn’t be allowed to go out and have an hour to myself hear and there. I always feel like I’m getting judges no matter what I do my opinions don’t matter it’s really getting to me and I don’t know how to make this better.
Please don’t comment if your Guna give negative opinions I don’t wanna hear it. I just wanna hear other sahm opinions on how to deal with it
Thanks

OP posts:

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Fabaunt · 14/01/2019 14:01

To be honest and I don’t mean this to sound harsh, but you’re living under her roof. If you don’t like how she is in her own home move out

Owwlie · 14/01/2019 14:35

Just because the OP is living with her does not give her the right to treat her like that.

OP, you need to keep repeating that he is your child and you will raise him how you and your partner decide. And you need to have a conversation with your partner about supporting you and sticking up for you. But most importantly you need to move out! Is there now where else you could go? Could you not get your own place?

kickerss · 14/01/2019 14:38

You need to move out. No other solution.

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Fabaunt · 14/01/2019 14:43

Owwlie, nobody is disputing the fact she sounds like a horror but at the end of the day, I wouldn’t take too kindly to someone coming into my home and telling me off or telling me how I should behave. I would be even less happy opening my house up for someone who takes to a message board to slate me. The OP is an adult, I presume, she is a mother. If she doesn’t like her living situation, then she should move out, and find somewhere she’s at peace. I don’t believe she has any right to make someone else uncomfortable in their own home. There is clearly tension there.

MadameButterface · 14/01/2019 14:51

it's op's home as well though. I doubt they moved in against the mil's wishes. yes it is nice of her to let them live there but that doesn't mean she gets to carp and criticise op's parenting, or tell outright lies about her mistreating her baby. Is that how you treat guests in your home Fabaunt? if not why not?

people can be very patronising and sanctimonious on here if they get so much as a sniff that an op is not a middle class owner occupier. get tugging those forelocks peasants.

as to your actual problem op, Owwlie has great advice.

Fabaunt · 14/01/2019 15:46

Because my guests aren’t under my feet 24/7. I’m not looking down my nose at the OP but she is a guest in someone’s home. If she doesn’t like it then she should move out.

comebacksoonsusan · 14/01/2019 16:35

I can't imagine MIL sounds like she'd take kindly to any requests to butt out. Are you planning on staying there long?

waywardfruit · 14/01/2019 16:54

If she thinks that you need to look after the baby 24/7 because your dp works, then she is clearly someone who has brought her son up to believe that the woman does all the wifework and childcare.

So I am guessing she doesn't want you to go out and leave your dc with him, because she thinks he will expect her to do it. And she doesn't want to.

meow2019 · 14/01/2019 16:57

Can you plan to move out?

MadameButterface · 14/01/2019 18:38

lol are you the mil fab? there's s difference between being someone's house guest and living with them long term though isn't there? if you open up your house to someone long term, them being there 24/7 is kind of to be expected, especially if they have a small baby. it doesn't then magically give the host the right to carp, criticise or lie about them, and I submit that anyone who thinks it does is a nasty piece of work.

Fabaunt · 14/01/2019 18:44

When I lived with my parents I had to deal with the fact I wouldn’t be bringing home one night stands, wouldn’t lie on the couch all day drinking cans, wouldn’t eat takeout for every meal, wouldn’t stay out all night and make a scene coming in.

I had to be respectful of my surroundings and the fact it wasn’t my house. If my boyfriend stayed then he had to sleep in the spare room.

That’s why I moved out. I can have no pants Wednesday, nobody talks over the tv, nobody wakes me up earlier than I want to be woken up, nobody can judge my lifestyle choices.

If you are a guest in someone’s home then that’s what you are - a guest. If you don’t like it, move out. You hardly expect the MIL to move out of her own house do you

MadameButterface · 14/01/2019 18:47

perhaps you can explain what it is that op is doing that is so disrespectful?

Rachregan27 · 14/01/2019 19:41

I haven't come on here people to make nasty comments and like I said if your putting negative comments don't bloody comment, I asked for a way to resolve things whilst I'm still living there for the minute, I'm just waiting for the council to offer me an house as I am priority, end of the day I do everything I need to do I just dont get what she wants to always say bad things about me, I get I live under her roof and I am really grateful for that but we also contribute massively and pay more than of our fair share to her

Fabaunt · 14/01/2019 19:43

So first you want to dictate as to how mil behaves in her own home, and now you want to dictate what people post on a message board read by thousands of people?
Maybe the problem is you?

Rachregan27 · 14/01/2019 19:46

Owelie I have said so much to her, but she is the kind person if you tell her she'll take offence and not speak to me and my partner for a week or 2 that's just how it is, but I do need to start and tell her how I feel, she's never apologised once for the things she's said I think she thinks she can say what she wants to me because she knows I live in her house but that still doesn't give her the right to interfere. My partner doesn't say anything he just says he's sick of me going on about it all the time x

TigerQuoll · 14/01/2019 19:49

OP you just need to put up with it until you can move out. You don't really want to get either kicked out our have her ramp up the unpleasantness.

Rachregan27 · 14/01/2019 19:49

Waywardfruit
It does sound about right in a way she is very old fashioned and criticises anything that isn't right to her, but even to go to the gym to better myself or go to college to do a night course she thinks my partner shouldn't have the baby, but I have the baby when he goes to the gym 3 times a week! You can never win no matter what you do in this house

Rachregan27 · 14/01/2019 19:53

These only so much you can put up with though she used to come in our bedroom tidying it up etc there could've been anything laying about she got the ass for about 2 weeks because I told her it's our privacy can you please stay out, she burnt my bedroom bin because I left it outside for an hour to clear the smell I could go on and on x

Rachregan27 · 14/01/2019 20:08

Fabaunt listen you can say what you want and it won't hurt my feelings the questions I asked to other mothers and as how to resolve the situation nicely whilst I'm still living in her house

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 14/01/2019 20:09

Hi OP
Can only empathise with you - was in the same predicament many years ago - due only to the fact that HER lazy, b***d son wouldn't work! I worked F/T - financial problems started after I went on to Maternity Leave.
If you and your DP are paying to live there, can you not afford to rent elsewhere? Perhaps, temporarily, forego extras like gym?
Good Luck

Rachregan27 · 14/01/2019 20:19

Hi ☺️ I have said to him that we should go private rent so we can get out ASAP and he says no I'm not putting money into an house that isn't mine, I can't win but it is going to come to a point where private rent is going to be the first option because it's too much it's making everyone fall out x

PoutySprout · 14/01/2019 20:22

Have you had a name change fail, OP?

shiningstar2 · 14/01/2019 20:25

It is very difficult. She doesn't have a right to interfere in your relationship but if you are living in her house telling her so is going to cause an atmosphere. Also if she is supporting your husband's going to the gym but not supporting you leaving the baby with him while you go out your husband probably doesn't see the problem. After all his mother's perspective works in his favour.

Lots of couples have to go through a period of adjustment and compromise after a baby comes along. For example something like this... you can go to the gym tuesdays and thursdays ...i am going to do my thing mondays and wednesdays. We'll stay in together on friday and work something out at weekends.

At the best of times getting a partner who's worked all week to see a sahp needs away time can be difficult ...but with a MIL supporting one side it becomes worse. You say you and partner pay more than your way in MILs house op. Could you not rent privately instead until your social housing comes through.

Owwlie · 14/01/2019 20:35

Fabaunt, the OP isn't a child that the OP gets to dictate to though, and she not a lodger. She's an adult member of the MILs family, and the mother of her grandchild. That means there should be some mutual respect, not her slagging the OP off for the way she raises her child. Just because your living in someone's home does not mean they can treat you like crap. If the OP wasn't keeping the house clean, or smoking when the MIL had asked her not to then fair enough. But this is just a case of the MIL not liking her.

OP, do you have any family or friends you could stay with for a night or two? To get a break for a bit.

Owwlie · 14/01/2019 20:36

Or if you private rented would you get some housing benefit/universal credit towards this?

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