Wits end with 14 month old! Please offer some help

[ALittleCrisp]

He's almost 14 months. He's always been breastfed to sleep by me and then stayed down for the night. Has done since birth. I was one of those lucky ones who's child quite literally went down at 7 from birth and then woke at 7. By 6 weeks he went down at 7pm and would wake at about 8am, have a small feed and then back to sleep until 9.30am! That was the same until 6 days ago....

He now will not go down. Usually, I always breastfeed him to sleep. But now it's almost 10pm and he hasn't slept ALL DAY! It's been like it all week. He won't nap during the day and he won't sleep until he quite literally drops down from exhaustion at about 9.30pm/10pm. He then wakes the following morning at about 9.30am.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still getting plenty of sleep. But no bloody time for myself! Literally 0. No time for anything without him during the day. Nothing. He does not nap (before he would sleep for 2 hours in the day).

I would rather have him waking early than have no time for myself. I really don't know what to do. He just won't sleep. You try leaving him to see if he will fall to sleep on his own and he's just up jumping about no toys to encourage his shenanigans either.

If he’s sleeping nearly 12 hours at night do you not have some time for yourself when he’s sleeping? Perhaps you can creep bedtime so he’s sleeping 7 to 7, or whatever suits you better so you can have your hours when he’s sleeping? If he’s sleeping through even though he doesn’t have the nap, he doesn’t seem overtired, so maybe he is one of the very rare ones that genuinely doesn’t need it? Or maybe this is a phase that will pass, nap refusal is not uncommon at that age because being on the move is so exciting!

crazy I'm not bothered that he's dropped the nap. It's the not going to bed until 10pm+ that's getting to me

I don't have time for myself because 10ish is now the time he's going down. And by then I just want to shower and go to bed.

He won't go down any earlier. I tried and he's just up bouncing and causing havoc

I’m literally that you think you don’t have time for yourself. My baby (7 months) finally gives in at around 9pm still wakes 3 times a night and starts the day every day at 5;30am without fail. No matter what I do.

I know change in routine must be hard for you but I’m sure it’s just a phase and if he seems otherwise well just ride it out.

RL But how would I have time for myself? 10pm I just want to shower and go to bed. Realistically I'm too tired to stay up and enjoy some me time.

Roll the bedtime back in smaller increments, like ten minutes earlier etc until you get to a time that suits you better

My eldest dropped his nap very early. The knack is getting back to 7pm to 7am.

Maybe, a new bedtime routine? We switched the last feed for a feed downstairs, then a bedtime story and song at a similar age.

Then encourage the day to start at 7am?

My son done similar at 18 months... we completely changed up his routine to throw him out of sync.
If it was me, I would now feed him downstairs, then take him up for a bath/wash/teeth brush, create a cosy corner in his room, read him two stories, tell him goodnight and leave the room.
With each stage I would say...
'After you've brushed your teeth, we're going to read a book and then it's time for you to go to sleep'
'When we've read this book it's time for you to go to sleep'
'Now we've read this book, it's time for you to go to sleep'
Then if he bounces around, we used to go up every 2, then 4, then 6, then 8 minutes etc.
Took us about a week!
I agree, anything after 8, creeps in to your downtime!

Every time we went in, we would just say 'it's bedtime now, goodnight' and walk out

I can't keep on going up and reminding him it's bedtime because he doesn't have his own room and we bed share

Sorry to say it but this is such a nice problem to have! Please count your blessings.

Cas it's really not. I don't have any time to think without him in my path causing destruction. Not a single minute to myself.

Op it sounds like he was an amazing little sleeper xxx

I understand what you mean. By 10pm he drops off then you are tired from the day, so you're in bed not long after him and then up in the morning with him, he's not napping all day. Although waking at 9.30 isn't bad so you can have a lie in, stay in bed with a cuppa and a bit if TV or do whatever you do with your "me" time then maybe.

My 16 month old has just come out of a phase of getting up at 5.00 and not napping all day, but he's in bed by 7.30 so I got a couple of hours with my hubby of a night, where you are getting that in the mornings.

I do understand as they are just on the go constantly, it's a brilliant phase to see their little personalities developing and testing the boundaries. Hopefully it will just be a phase, I think they have so much developing to do and emotions to try and discover it's just really hard for them to work it all out.

If he is not napping, do you try to just have some quiet time through the day so he can maybe cuddle and read ( or is this just impossible ) as he is probably so overtired by the night he just can't settle.
Are you still breastfeeding him and he won go down after that ?

I go by the rule they don't need to be asleep by a certain time, just in bed. So if he is in his cot, is he crying for you or just shouting and pottering around ? If he's not crying I would just leave him to it and see what happens

I know you don’t have time to yourself as I am in the same boat. except mines been sailing for 7 months with no destination in sight 😂
As I said I am sure it’s just a phase to ride out if it’s only been a week or so ?

I don't get the me time in the morning because if I move out of bed, he wakes up 😭

We just snooze in together. But I couldn't even use the loo without him being awake. I can't take a toe out of bed without him popping up like a meerkat

Could you put him in his own bed? You might feel you get some you time even if it's just because you have your bed to yourself

Do you think it maybe time for him to go into his own bed or is this something you would prefer to avoid.
I'm just thinking while his routine is messed up anyway would this be a good time to maybe try and start a completely new one ?

Popping up like a meerkat haha bless him. My boy does that too as soon as I move the cover to even turn on my side his eye darts open head up 🤦🏻‍♀️

Could you try waking him at 8:30/8/7:30/7 am over the course of a few mornings to bring his mornings back to what they used to be in the hope that he would then be tired earlier at night? Then you would get your nights back to yourself.

Could he be ill? My 18MO DD is also an insanely good sleeper and for 10 days was a nightmare! Never wanted to sleep or be put down. Turned out it was the start of chicken pox! Once the spots came out she was back to normal. I hope he gets back to going to bed at a reasonable hour for you x

Sorry but my son is 15mo and still wakes 3 times a night on most nights. To complain you dont get any time seems abit i have been up 3 times since 7pm....count your blessings and ride it out....

Put him in his own room now?

Would it be worth checking if there is a cause for this, such as teething? (Try some calpol at your regular bedtime?)Or maybe hunger, when does he have his dinner? Does he drink any cow's milk? My DS loves some warm milk before bed, it makes him feel safe and cosy and sleepy. And he is constantly hungry when he is on a growth spurt

Also would you consider putting him in his own room? I was so surprised to find that my DS slept much better when we moved him

Yeah sorry OP, not a lot of sympathy from me either. I'm with @AbitOfaCrummyMummy! My almost 15mo hasn't ever slept more than 5 hrs straight and only naps on me (for 45 mins). I can only dream of getting that much sleep every night. Imagine not getting a minute to yourself all day but you're also really fucking exhausted. That's me!

It's probably just a phase.

Get him up earlier in the morning (gradually) and edge bedtime forward. You can’t control when they go to sleep but you can control when they wake up!

Perhaps try his own bed now, but if not accept this is a phase. To have a baby who slept through from six weeks is simply amazing. This might be your challenge where you have managed to avoid the challenges of sleep deprivation and utter exhaustion that so many of us have endured for months and months. The fact you get plenty of sleep is more than most of us can even imagine. Jealous Or maybe try to free frame this phase as a period where your son needs a bit of extra closeness so you can enjoy it not resent it? Hope that sounds helpful and not belittling your issue. That's what I try and do when mine is extra clingy. It's what he needs at this stage in his little life and as his mummy, I'm here and ready for it (but through bleary eyes!). All the best