Wits end with 14 month old! Please offer some help

[ALittleCrisp]

He's almost 14 months. He's always been breastfed to sleep by me and then stayed down for the night. Has done since birth. I was one of those lucky ones who's child quite literally went down at 7 from birth and then woke at 7. By 6 weeks he went down at 7pm and would wake at about 8am, have a small feed and then back to sleep until 9.30am! That was the same until 6 days ago....

He now will not go down. Usually, I always breastfeed him to sleep. But now it's almost 10pm and he hasn't slept ALL DAY! It's been like it all week. He won't nap during the day and he won't sleep until he quite literally drops down from exhaustion at about 9.30pm/10pm. He then wakes the following morning at about 9.30am.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still getting plenty of sleep. But no bloody time for myself! Literally 0. No time for anything without him during the day. Nothing. He does not nap (before he would sleep for 2 hours in the day).

I would rather have him waking early than have no time for myself. I really don't know what to do. He just won't sleep. You try leaving him to see if he will fall to sleep on his own and he's just up jumping about no toys to encourage his shenanigans either.

As you’re sleeping 12 hours at night why are you so tired at 10pm? If you’ve not got up till 9.30am surely you can stay awake till midnight. Or try to wake him up earlier (little bit earlier each day) and try to shift his bedtime earlier.

No sympathy here either sorry, your night sleep is about a million times better than I ever got (or am getting now with a 6 and 3 yr old), and they didn’t nap either. Be grateful. I wouldn’t try “fixing” his sleep too much in case you muck up the amazing deal you’re currently getting.

Welcome to having kids.
Be glad you get 12 hours of solid sleep.

What do you mean exactly by "will not go down" ? If you literally trying to force him to lie down to go to sleep, it does sound quite restrictive. Have you tried making sure the rest of the house is really quiet and dull? No TV etc. So he could have a book to look through in his cot or a little quiet music while you sit nearby, reading say but ignoring him. So he'd be free to move about until he is tired rather than the artificial battle to lie down?

If you’re going to sleep with him at 10 and then snoozing til 9.30 you’re getting a good nights sleep aren’t you? I don’t know if I’m missing something. My ds has always woken up before 7, hes 2 and after sleeping so well now wakes up several times a night (and doesn’t nap and I have a small baby too) - not trying to outdo you but don’t see what the problem is? Most parents don’t get time to themselves do they? I have to go to the toilet/shower/stuff like laundry with my toddler following me and often with a baby in the sling!

(Not the shower bit obvs but on the odd occasion the toilet! 😳)

Honestly, this all sounds pretty blissful to me!

@ALittleCrisp, I understand what you are saying.

DD has been a great sleeper since about six weeks old, sleeping through the night even then. Yes, we are lucky but I don't think some of you saying you have "no sympathy" and being dismissive of the problem is very helpful. The problem isn't lack of sleep, it's lack of personal time/downtime. It's still a problem!

Anyway she is now nearly 2 and refuses to go to bed until 9/10pm at night which leaves me with no time to myself or to just spend with DP because I am tired myself by 10pm and just want to go to bed. We both work, so we rarely get any time to ourselves because she simply refuses to go to sleep earlier.

Up until about four/five months ago, she would go to end about 7.30/8pm which did allow us some time, but she randomly "switched" one day and won't revert back. She still naps during the day, but if can be anything from 15 minutes to two hours.

We have tried dropping naps, changing routines, putting her to bed earlier (ends in tears if she isn't ready to go to bed) but so far nothing works. if she doesn't want to go to sleep, she simply won't.

At the moment, we are just getting on with it but it will have to change and she is going to have to learn to go to sleep earlier although I have no idea how.

@RedRobin87 @ALittleCrisp agree there’s some not very helpful comments on here.
Just because ops baby sleeps 12 hours doesn’t make lack of downtime okay. Some of you may not sleep but have a baby that plays independently, all baby’s create their own issues I’m sure.

It could be a phase
But also I think his own cot would help, plonk him down and let him try and self soothe, doesnt matter if he thinks it’s playtime, let him play and eventually he may sleep.

I also think that concepts of "me-time" just have to be abandoned to some extent with very young children. It won't be forever.

Sleep train. Controlled Crying (where you pop in every 5 mins to reassure) takes 30-60 mins over 2-3 evenings.

And he definitely needs his own cot.

Gradually move towards getting him up at 7 in the morning. if he needs 12 hours awake time before he's tired, then his day needs to start earlier.

He needs to be in his own room.

If he’s popping up like a meerkat when you move, can you not just get him up earlier and use this to encourage earlier bedtime? Get up yourself gradually earlier until you sneak his routine earlier (I’d suggest at least aiming for 8 to 8). You can’t really expect him to sleep more than 12 hours I’m afraid, so if you want him in bed earlier he’s going to have to be up earlier.

Do you have space for him to have his own room? I’ve got two mattresses on the floor in DDs room to make a double bed. Then I can choose where I sleep! (She has a medical condition and can’t always be left to sleep on her own). She got used to that very quickly.

My baby gets up at 5.15ish - if he slept 10pm til 9.30am I would be over the moon!!

You could try waking him up in the morning earlier but that would be high risk lol!!

It one to usually jump on when I see something but please just be grateful u get sleep. I have an autistic son and a 1 year old so between the 2 me and my husband have to tag team through the night as generally they are up between them all night. We have zero time for ourselves and have maybe once every 6 months will get a babysitter for 2 hours if we're lucky to grab a meal together....all of which I wouldn't change for the world as my kids are my world!
My husband works long days mon-fri and as soon as he is home from work I go out to work until 10pm. I'd give anything for 1 full nights sleep!
Other posters are right though would definitely help to put you child in it's own room...it's hard for a week or 2 until they get used to it but then they sleep better as they don't have your smell or your movements to waken them.
Good luck xx

Come on guys, you’re being a little harsh. OP is asking for support. I’m sure she knows she’s lucky in other ways and things could be worse. I’d absolutely love it if my DD was capable of sleeping that well. But OP is asking for support, so what’s the point in the negative comments? Parenting is not a race to the bottom