Should Teenagers Do Chores?

[Kimmyrich]

My husband and I also have the same debate regarding his son, who is now 15. I feel he should help with small chores around the home, but he does not. Please let me know what you think and if I’m not being fair?

It’s not so much about ‘doing chores’, it’s learning skills for independence as an adult, being part of the the house ‘team’, learning to live respectfully with others, not expecting other people to clean up after you etc etc.
Parents do their offspring no favours by not teaching them to be clean, cook simple meals, do their own laundry, food and necessities shopping, manage money (including budgeting and saving).
Please don’t let your husband’s attitude result in another man-child.

I think school and homework is almost enough at this age. I do ask for a tidy bedroom, laundry in the basket, I share a bathroom with DD and don’t expect gobs of toothpaste in the sink. Emptying dishwasher if it needs doing and I am busy, vacuuming the snug (once in a blue moon) if the dog has been in there.

DD cooks with me a lot because she enjoys it, tonight she made the sauce for cauliflower cheese while I made the rest of dinner.

I think they should but have to admit I don;t have set jobs for my DC. Like others have said, they need to learn how to put on a wash load, use a hoover etc.

Mine are expected to keep their rooms clean and tidy.
They help a lot when asked - clearing the table, vaccuuming, tidying, emptying bins etc. But they always need to be reminded to clean up after themselves in the bathroom or to take dirty cups downstairs.

I just say to them: it's our house so we all chip in and help, But we've never made it an issue or tied it to any financial reward or punishment system.

I agree with you that he should most definitely be helping with some - if only small - chores. Tidying up after dinner, emptying/ filling the dishwasher, cleaning up his room most definitely, maybe a bit of laundry.. obviously not all at once but he should 100% be helping. He is big enough, in my opinion, to be helping with almost most jobs

As for school and homework is enough...
what happens when potentially in two years time they go off to Uni and have no idea as to what to do with any household jobs, cooking etc?

Take it from someone who’s husband wasn’t ever made to do chores.. get him started now!

MIne are adults now, but doing chores was a way of contributing to the teamwork of sharing a home and ensured that by 18, they had an awareness of and an ability to deal with basic life skills.
Hoovering, cleaning the bath after they’d had one, washing machine and cooking were some of the tasks.

School and homework is almost enough! Did you not read beyond the first sentence??

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Yes they do need to do jobs around the house and learn it's part of every day life. DD who's 11, is learning to cook a meal one night a week. Emptied the dishwasher everyday, hovers once a week and is expected to keep her room tidy. She does get paid £5 a week for this and I do dock money if she doesn't do something.

He lives in the house, he does housework. How's he going to know what needs doing if he never does it.

My mum never made me do housework, I'm still crap and learning stuff today that are basics!

All mine know how to work the dishwasher, washing machine, tumble dryer, Hoover, can cook basic meals etc.

I don't want them turning out like me. I left home at 19 and couldn't cook and had barely touched any kitchen appliances!

Definitely yes. Need to learn the skills but also just part of being in the family. Same for younger children but age appropriate. Definitely making / changing their own bed, putting their own washing away as standard. Then helping out with dishwasher, cooking, setting table, occasionally hoovering etc. And if they need something specific washing then may need to put on wash or iron. Whilst I do most of the work and DH does quite a bit, we are not their slaves!

I expect my 14 year old to cook a couple of meals a week, and do other stuff as asked.

It’s not about “chores” it’s about taking responsibility for yourself and for the home you live in.

At 15 yo he should be able to do laundry, iron, cook basics, know how to clean floors, kitchen and bathrooms.

That’s not to say he should be expected to do those things all the time but that he should have been taught how and understand the importance of those activities to keeping your home healthy and happy.

I had a friend who was genuinely shocked to discover how much effort it took to shop, plan meals and cook, clean the house and do laundry every day.

He had this epiphany shortly after his divorce.

Our rule is that if you are asked to help with something you pitch in without complaint.

So the D.C. don’t load the dishwasher, put out the bins, Hoover, dust etc every day but at 11yo they know how and help if asked. They are certainly expected to clean up after themselves.

They can both iron basics and are learning to cook.

I’m determined to ensure that they start adulthood fit to be considerate flat mates or partners.

Do you really want a future DIL to be questioning you and his father why you so ill prepared your DS for the basics adult life?

DD is 15, I do not expect a lot from her because she does babysit our (much) younger DC for nothing and sometimes does the school run.

But she does make her own bed, does her own washing and does the hoovering for us.

In 3 years time he could be away at uni. When will he learn the skills to live independently if not now.

I think they should start learning the basics of running a home.. so things like looking out for the dishwasher being finished and unloading it, changing their bed each week, keeping their room clean and tidy (within reason!) etc. That’s what we get our 15 year old dd to do. She also has guinea pigs - which she begged us to get so we make sure she cares for them, cleans them out regularly and checks they have fresh hay / food etc.

Absolutely.
How else are they going to be independent.
Well before15 all mine were cooking including planning and shopping , knewhow to hoover and mop, laundry, dishwasher and washing up, how to clean a bathroom and kitchen etc.
If as parents we don’t teach them then where and when are they going to learn?

Like others we don't have statutory chores but expect a general attitude of looking after ourselves and each other. You clean up after yourself and help when asked. We have taught the dc to do many things but don't expect they do it everyday.
I think chores linked to money sends the wrong message. You don't do these things for extrinsic rewards, it's part of being part of a household.

I didn't do chores as a teenager and to be honest it was really bad for me.

Definitely! No question. It not just about learning skills they need when they finally do move out, it is about taking responsibility for themselves and contributing towards the family home.

Look at how many threads you see on MN where a person expects the partner to do all the housework while they do fa apart from occasionally taking out the bins...Maybe.

Of course they should. How could it be any other way?

And never mind 'teenagers': our dc have helped in the house since they were big enough to carry an empty plate to the table.

Ours don't have regular chores, but they are expected to muck in. We'll generally ask them or tell them which jobs we want doing, sometimes letting them decide between themselves, sometimes assigning jobs.

Our (now grown) DC just had one thing each that they had to keep on top of without being asked. One had the recycling to sort out and the other the dishwasher. Much grumbling, etc, pretty much every time they did it, but there was a principal there of helping out. Both also cooked meals for themselves and occasionally for the whole family, but we are a family who are very casual about food but all love cooking, so that never seemed a chore, I don't think. We let both of them keep their rooms exactly as they wanted, no pressure to tidy if they didn't want to, but I didn't go in there to tidy or clean either.

Yes!! At uni I had wished my mum had let me do more, I had to ring her every time I put the wedding machine on to check I was doing it right! I was super proud of the basic things I did know, like how to cook an omlette. Too many ungrateful teens out there who want everything handed to them on a gold plate.

**washing!!

My DC were expected to tidy their rooms, bring me their washing when asked and they took week about load/unloading the dishwasher. After I moved with DD2, she was expected to wash the dinner dishes. When we got a new kitchen, she did the dishwasher, and put on washing if she was at home, and hung it out. She helped with making meals. She hoovered if told to. She helped with putting out the recycling.

Now when she is home for a visit, she does the dishwasher and recycling without being asked or expected to do so. She'll tidy up the kitchen as we cook, again without being asked, because she learned the process as a child and teen and has had her own place for the last few years. She doesn't want to live in a shithole. How else is anyone going to learn this stuff? Give him chores. Oddly enough, adults go out to work and still manage to do the boring shit in life.