Should Teenagers Do Chores?

[Kimmyrich]

My husband and I also have the same debate regarding his son, who is now 15. I feel he should help with small chores around the home, but he does not. Please let me know what you think and if I’m not being fair?

@Kimmyrich - a genuine question here does your DH do chores or do you have to ask for his help?

This is from someone who struggles to get 2 x 17 year olds to do basic stuff unless there is some direct benefit to themselves ie cook as hungry and realise now that being a SAHM and doing everything for them as they had school, homework and a long day did not mean they would automatically help out when didn’t have this or I was out of action!

They have copied the disrespect of their DF my x who always had something more important to do than “women’s work” and one is Dd!

I have given up partly forced and recent back op - I either get accused of nagging or ignored and I can’t be bothered with this. They will have to do it sooner rather than later and it is all their responsibility and the consequences of how they chose to live will then impact on themselves and whoever else they are living with.

I have done the best I can!

Of course! Mine clear the table, do dishwasher, empty and take out the bins, change their sheets, clean their rooms. When asked they will also clean the car and windows and go to shops. These things don't take much time and are life skills.

Thank you all for your comment, which I can see most you you agree that he should help around the home.

As said, these should be seen as life lessons and note chores which I have said to my husband.

I already get my 5 year old son to clean his room. However, to get my husband to get our step son to do anything is hard work.

I know our step son has autism, which makes things a little more difficult. However, I don’t want him to be set back in basic life lessons.

Fuck yes!!! My mum did ALL chores. I grew up lazy but also with ZERO maintenance skills, so when I moved out I had No idea how to look after my home. It was a shit heap. You are doing your child a disservice by not teaching him. I'm determined to not let my kids go down the same lazy goodfornothing route I did so am starting to get them learning it all now andgetti g used to incorporating it into a daily routine early on.

*you As in Royal you.

@greenberet my DH cleans the house every week, so I have no problem there.

I feel that as he didn’t do it has his age, he thinks why should he.

I do also understand if they have homework, I’m not going to ask them to do extra work around the home. Just days in between.

They shouldn’t “do chores”. They should contribute to the running of the “family community” they live in. A 15 year old should be able to do anything an adult can in terms of cooking, housework and so on.

We have a rota pinned up in the kitchen. It shows all after school clubs, homework due dates (eg spelling test every Friday, reading diary to be checked weds etc). All of us have chores every day, dependent on other commitments. I think this shows DD (10) that we all contribute to running the house.
Monday -
Mum, clean kitchen, do online Tesco order
Dad, bins, dishwasher
DD, water plants, sort washing, practice spellings
Tuesday -
Mum, clean bathroom, ironing, light washing
Dad, bins, our with mates
DD, ballet class, spellings
Etc etc

Every term, I increase the level of chores ever so slightly.

School work, relaxing and fun are priorities. But I think that 10 mins a day on chores is reasonable

It may sound a bit much, but it works for us.

DS is a year younger. He doesn’t have any set chores but he can cook and wash his clothes and if I ask him to do stuff like clean the bath, he’ll do it.

Today we are at home so I’ve asked both DC to sort out their bedroom floors. Yesterday they did their desks ready for the new term and they’ll get their own breakfast.

I’m ill so there’s might be one or two others things that hey get asked to do too

Yes. It’s about life skills they both also have jobs on a Saturday.

Life shouldn’t be all about homework and school.

Mine are 17/16 and have done chores and worked since 13. Both did really well at gcse and are doing a-levels. Both schools one grammar, one academy at their a-level meetings pushed the importance of school / home blalance and the value of jobs.

“Chores” ours do.

Meal planning - we each choose the meals for a week on a 4 week rota

Cooking meals - maybe once or twice a month or more
Baking
Cleaning
Iornjng
Hoovering
Washing
Cleaning rooms

They both want to go to uni and one is off teaching maths on a gap year later this year. They need these skills. No uses being a straight A* / 9 student if you can’t survive life

It’s also about balance and proportion. Those of us that got our teens to do chores were not looking for Cinderellas, offloading a huge, onerous list onto fragile, immature children.
Small, routine tasks that enabled them to mature with an understanding of how caring for yourself works. Just like you taught them how to keep clean, get dressed and use cutlery when they were toddlers.

My teenage DCs are expected to help around the house - they do the dishwasher, cook a meal, run the vacuum round, put washing on, that sort of thing. There's a basic rota to make sure it gets done but it's not carved in stone.

The eldest DD has her first serious boyfriend and he seems to have been waited on hand and foot by his parents for his entire life. He's horrified that she's expected to bring her dirty laundry down and that I won't go and search for her school uniform to make sure it's clean for Monday. I don't know how this relationship will end up but I hope he gets a grip on housework before they live together.

I think it’s wise to get them used to doing simple tasks and noticing if something needs doing. I have a teenage sister whom I have practically raised so I spent my teen years caring for her which included household chores as my mum wasn’t up to it. She does live with my mum but spends a lot of time at my house. I don’t often make her do anything but if she’s here and says can I wash her clothes I say you know where the washing machine is and she’ll pop them in with some supervision as to what setting but will do it. I’m heavily pregnant now and last time she came she noticed my stairs were desperate to be hoovered and offered to do it for me. She also makes us breakfast when she’s here and if she does she cleans up her own mess.

Depends on how busy they are. I don’t know your DS, but some teenagers are so overscheduled they genuinely don’t have time! It’s easy for a parent to have the best intentions and then end up in that situation.

It is very important that they learn to be independent. They should certainly be making a good contribution during the holidays e.g. cooking dinner. You could offer a holiday wage as an incentive if necessary? You’re not doing them a favour if they can’t do this stuff for themselves. Ironing is one most teenagers seem rubbish at.

Yes! I give mine a list, monthly allowance is dependent on completion without whining

By 15 I was doing the housework for my pocket money. I was hoovering, dusting and cleaning the bathrooms.

Of course they should. At 15 they should be fully functioning adults. They should know how to cook, clean, wash, iron etc and should help as needed.