Should my 4 year old be able to play alone?

[Withgraceinmyheart]

Just that really, because she can’t.

I’m 36 weeks pregnant and I’ve got a 2 year old as well who still naps isn’t the afternoon. I just want a break.

My 4 year old is super chatty and wants constant interaction and a two way running commentary on everything that’s happening. My own fault as I’m super chatty but she just never stops.

A month ago we set up a new play room for her upstairs, with loads of special, ‘big girl’ toys. Little one is never allowed in it. The idea was supposed to be that she played in there by herself sometimes when little one is napping so I can get some rest.

Except she doesn’t. She plays for 2 mins then comes downstairs for a drink, or a snack, or because her eye itches, or because she can’t find a pen lid.

Today I went in and played with her for half an hour then told her it was time to play by herself for a bit. I was quite firm and said mummy needed a rest. She just sat on the stairs crying and saying ‘I don’t want to be on my own’.

AIBU to expect a 4 year old to be able to play alone for a bit without the constant need for interaction?

Any tips/advice on how to teach her to play independently would be greatly received! She literally just cries and I feel like a horrible mother.

Yes. Both of mine have been able to play alone since they were about 1. They’ve had to as I work from home sometimes and have work to do. My 4 years old is barely seen since she got her dolls house for Christmas. I have to go and get her sometimes and bring her down.

She probably just wants to be on the same floor as you. She ahould be anle to play on her own for a while. How about putting on music or a story for her and say that she needs to stay in the room until it's finishes?

I think it depends on the child. My 3yo will happily play alone but my 5yo needs constant interaction when 3yo isn't around to play with her. Luckily they are rarely times when 3yo isn't around so they play together quite happily. If they didn't I'd go bonkers.

Well, sort of. But they’re all different. Some people need more interaction than others. Will she plays with the 2 year old? Mine are 2.5 and 5 and play really nicely together, but neither like playing totally alone unless they’re already absorbed with something.

If you set something like cars or duplo up could you lie on the floor in the same room? (I have done this before!)

With a two year old and a new baby on the way she’s probably feeling a bit out of sorts and needs more of your attention.

My child played alone at that age but she is an only child so she gets lots of attention from many people.

Thanks for replies. She plays really well with 2 year old. They share a room and will happily play in there until we get up, no idea how long that is but I’d guess at least an hour. 2 year old will also play quite happily on her own for a bit.

Thanks for the suggestions, I’m going to try the music/story thing because I think she’d like that.

The problem with me being in the same room is that she talks to me aaaaaaaaall the time. Even if i put tv on, she wants to tell me all about what’s happening and ask me questions. I really just need a break from the sound of her (adorable, lovely, endearing little) voice.

She gets loads of attention, like honestly loads. She wouldn’t let it be any other way! She’s always been like this.

I wouldn't have expected ds to go off to another room by himself to play especially on another floor alone. He always brought his toys to the living room and played with them there. He didn't necessarily need to interact but preferred if someone was in the area.

She doesn't want to be alone upstairs which at 4 is completely reasonable, it would be unkind to force it.

It depends on the child. My 5 year old is rubbish at playing on her own, and wants constant interaction (even if that’s just to tell her how good her drawing is or to sit at the table with her listening to her chat while she paints/does crafts). My 3.5 year old on the other hand will play on her own for hours.

Why isn't the 2 year old allowed in the playroom? My oldest wouldn't have wanted to play for long without her sibling.

Is it the type of attention she is needing/ wanting though? Or is it just a lot of talking and nodding?

Do you often get down on the floor and play with her for an hour or so? Write and paint together? Make up and treasure hunt and seek it out together?

It must be difficult with more than one child but I’ve noticed my sisters children do tend to try and compete for her attention, never stop talking etc. She thinks she does a lot with them but it’s not much from a child’s point of view really.

Yeah my 5 year old would be bored as hell in the playroom without her 3 year old sister!

Only one of my three played alone at four; one was really hopeless, one would play alone but in the same room as me iyswim and the middle one was quite good at playing alone.

My DD never played alone that I can remember. I would possibly leave her watching tv whilst I popped into the kitchen to get something but if I was too long she would follow me in.

I have a 4 year old who also never shuts up. She will play by herself but gives running commentary on what her and her barbies are doing. She is actually much better at playing alone for my DH, but that is because he finds it easier to ignore her than I do. I try but shes just do goddamn lovely and cute its too hard haha!

Funnily enough I am also 36 weeks pregnant and exhausted (though she is my only one) and have been napping over the xmas holidays, even with DH downstairs she comes up periodically to tell me what's going on.

I just try and make the most of the peace when she goes to bed.

Funnily enough I am also 36 weeks pregnant and exhausted (though she is my only one) and have been napping over the xmas holidays, even with DH downstairs she comes up periodically to tell me what's going on

41 weeks pregnant here and mine are exactly the same! As soon as DH is preoccupied with something (like being on the loo!) they sneak upstairs to come and tell me what they’re doing!

Would she play with you in the room but napping?

2 year old isn’t allowed in this playroom because it’s got ‘special’ toys and books that are choking hazards and/or less robust than the main toy area downstairs. We’ve got a long established pattern of toys that only come out at 2 year olds nap time, but the dedicated space for them is what’s new.

Seems like it very much depends on the child, which is helpful to know because I was feeling like I was doing something wrong and that’s why she wouldn’t do it. I think a lot of my friends must have very independent players!

Children usually like to play where you are but on their own. Could you read a book and say Mummy is going to read for a little while and you can play quietly here beside me on the floor.
But l don't know any child who would play upsyairs by themselves at that age. Room is fine for storing the toys but, sorry , she needs to be in the same room as you.

I give her a lot of time. Normally on her non preschool days I spend at least an hour with her when two year olds napping then put the tv for a bit and go upstairs. The idea with the extra play room was that she could carry on playing by herself instead of watching tv.

We do ‘quality time’ stuff. Today we sat with one of the craft kits she got for Christmas and did that. We often do Lego. I don’t think I just talk and nod.

I think I’m going to try putting a story on and telling her she can come find me when it’s finished. I think we could both do with it being a defined amount of time!

Even now my 9 year old DSS commands attention. It can definitely be exhausting!

My 2.5 year old will play alone but generally doesn't occupy attention for long. I've started to worry about it as he's got so many toys but doesn't seem to be able to occupy himself for long before asking for the TV

Lie on sofa and tune out ...mutter umm Yes as needed...
She clearly wants or needs your attention. You can't switch off completely when you have two or three under fives... Can you get some help in to watch her so you can go off for an hour and close the door? Can your dh take over when he gets home so you can get your break then ? Is she going to school or nursery?

Clearly unfortunately it's her personality. Both of my ds's played alone from an early age. 1?

I potter about. Even now as teens they seem happy on their own and I have to actively encourage them to spend time with me, and or Dh.

It depends on the child. My DD is 8 and will still only play for very a short amount of time on her own. At the moment I am watching her junk model and nodding appropriately when she asks if I think she should stick the bits there She just likes to be around people. I don’t necessarily have to play with her but she likes me there to chat to while she does stuff.