Should my 4 year old be able to play alone?

[Withgraceinmyheart]

Just that really, because she can’t.

I’m 36 weeks pregnant and I’ve got a 2 year old as well who still naps isn’t the afternoon. I just want a break.

My 4 year old is super chatty and wants constant interaction and a two way running commentary on everything that’s happening. My own fault as I’m super chatty but she just never stops.

A month ago we set up a new play room for her upstairs, with loads of special, ‘big girl’ toys. Little one is never allowed in it. The idea was supposed to be that she played in there by herself sometimes when little one is napping so I can get some rest.

Except she doesn’t. She plays for 2 mins then comes downstairs for a drink, or a snack, or because her eye itches, or because she can’t find a pen lid.

Today I went in and played with her for half an hour then told her it was time to play by herself for a bit. I was quite firm and said mummy needed a rest. She just sat on the stairs crying and saying ‘I don’t want to be on my own’.

AIBU to expect a 4 year old to be able to play alone for a bit without the constant need for interaction?

Any tips/advice on how to teach her to play independently would be greatly received! She literally just cries and I feel like a horrible mother.

Mine are 7 and still don't use the playroom - we converted the loft but they still like to be on the same floor as us. Twins so they play together but still want to be around us even though we don't have to play with them.

I can relate to this, my son is the same. I'm drained after a day with him as he needs me to constantly play with him. Role play is his favourite. I could spend 3 hours plus doing that with him a day and he would still want more. He's an only child so I thought that was possibly why but it seems those with siblings can also be like this. All my friends have far more independent players. Parenting a non independent player is a tall order. When you find the answer please tell me!!

Totally depends on the child.

And there's playing on their own, as in doing their own thing next to you, and playing totally on their own on another floor. They're two different things.

If you're asking if DC play on their own,I'd guess most people would assume you meant the first one. I think it is U to expect a 4 year old to play totally on her own, with no one else around at all.

Is she in nursery / does she go to a CM? If not, perhaps you need to consider this to give you a break. She should get free hours.

I wouldn't have expected ds to go off to another room by himself to play especially on another floor alone. He always brought his toys to the living room and played with them there. He didn't necessarily need to interact but preferred if someone was in the area.

She doesn't want to be alone upstairs which at 4 is completely reasonable, it would be unkind to force it.

This ^

Some dc have longer attention spans, some shorter. Some dc are happy with their own company, others prefer to be interacting. One of mine needed to be with someone all the time. The other two, less so, but I certainly wouldn't have expected them to go off to a room on their own, on a different floor from me to play, at only 4 years old, no.

My 7yo doesn’t play alone. Why is the 2yo not allowed in it? Get them to plat together!! That’s how you get peace. I tell them mummy can’t play with you now because I’m busy. And that your sister can. If they say the other won’t, then I just say it’s tough but she’s the one who plays with you.

She goes to preschool and does well there, but it has been commented on that she always needs someone to play with her and gets very upset if another child doesn’t want to play. When we have play dates other mums comment on how much interaction she needs, so I think it’s her personality.

I understand, I like to be around people too. I think I’m just struggling with it being holidays and being super pregnant.

I said in a previous post that the two year old isn’t allowed in because it has stuff like Lego that I don’t want the little one getting. I wanted it to be a space all her own.

Thanks for everyone’s replies!

The story thing worked really well. She happily played for 20 mins then merrily came to tell me it had finished and would I like to play :) novelty might where off but defo worth a try for anyone else struggling with this.

Depends on the child! My 3YO is much happier to play independently than my 5YO. I've also found that since going to school all day, 5YO seems to need a lot more attention. It's like he's used to being around 30 other kids all day and can't cope without it.

Usually if my DS go to play in their room on their own, DH or I are upstairs with them. Our house is a small terrace so they can usually still see/hear us in the next room. Sometimes I'll just lie down on the sofa or their bed (they have adult sized bunk beds!) if I'm tired and want a rest while the DS are playing. They know I'm there, but leave me alone or come for a cuddle!

Build it up. Stay for a bit then say you need to do something. I find once they're engaged they get into it. My 4 and 5 year old have played alone (and with each other) since they were 2, it's important for development and I like some time to get things done in peace.

My nearly 4 year old doesn't play on his own for long. My day off work is filled with "Mummy Mummy Mummy! Can you play with me?" He is an only child and very imaginative but likes one of us to interact with him . Makes it hard to get things done!