Being told what to do with your child by the in laws ?

[Tweety1981]

Is it normal for you to visit your in laws and they criticise or have an opinion on everything you are doing...

Yes but it’s your baby and you know best

Don't get involved in discussion or argument with them, about what you are doing.
Just say something like "This is how I like to do it" and carry on as suits you.

Nope mine try to not interfere.

Just nod and agree then do your own thing anyway.

Yes, quite normal unfortunately.

Ignore & do it your way,

They try to tell me everything .. including when they think my child should stop eating his meal ... I don’t quite understand how they think they know what my child needs .... and why they think they should tell me when my child has finished his meal ...

Plus I think they can be tough on kids ...
Shouting at a two year old they haven’t seen in a month , ( just because he tried to open a present that isn’t his )isn’t normal.. is it ?

Thanks for all your replies by the way

Yes mine have an opinion on everything and will constantly ask why I am doing ABC instead of XYZ. They do not take my first response as a reasonable explanation and don't know how to drop the subject. Drives me crazy.

With DC1 it really made me stressed but with DC2 I just ignore.

Thanks ... I find it hard to cope but ignore them too .. sometimes they try to separate my children from me when I visit too .. I’d that normal ?

My mother was worse than my in laws. She was a small person but would suddenly rise up and be bossy! In laws weren't too bad, obviously mum wasn't all bad but it did grate a bit at the time. Ah well they are all gone now, they were excellent grandparents and though we're used to being without them now, we have fond memories more than not.

Does it sound normal?

My MIL is a nightmare for this, and was a seriously shitty parent herself. Life got a whole lot easier one the penny dropped that she didn't care if she offended me, so I stopped giving a flying fuck about offending her. Parent as you see fit and either simply ignore, is tell to but out, whichever suits you better

What does your dp say to them?

He just ignores them .. tells me to do the same

sometimes they try to separate my children from me when I visit too .. I’d that normal ?
Depends what their motivation is. Do they just want some alone time with their grandkids? Doesn't mean they have to have it, anyway, if you don't want that.

Shouting at a two year old they haven’t seen in a month , ( just because he tried to open a present that isn’t his )isn’t normal.. is it ?
Not if it's aggressive shouting. A quick exclamation to get the child's attention and stop him doing it is okay, I'd say.

Can you stay home and let dh take them? When I stopped bf I sent dh without me!!
Bliss.

They used to take photos of the children and share them on social media etc . I
Used to send them pictures but they carried on sharing them with others when I asked them not to . So I don’t send any pictures anymore . I think they would rather I wasn’t there when I go to visit because they don’t like me as I don’t like the kids on social media watts app etc and they just don’t understand it . They don’t do childcare but they make excuses to remove the children from the room when we are together eg to go to ‘ show ‘ them something In the garden etc etc . I suspect they just trying to get some photos .

If we are going out they would say something like ‘ while you pop into that shop we take the kids to sit over there ‘ then next thing I see photos from that day somewhere else ..

They are really crazy about having photos of the kids to share ... I don’t quite understand it myself .

Also they try to have alone time with the kids ... they don’t feel ‘ included’ . On the contrary I feel they intrude , eg MIL walking into my bedroom when I’m topless and not having the courtesy to leave the room. My FIL once came in out bedroom to kiss me goodnight ( whilst I’m in bed in my strappg pyjamas ) while my OH was throwing up in the bathroom next door .OH wasn’t impressed .

The expectation is that I had the kids over and they should be able to do what they want ... but they don’t do childcare and they have don’t lien dirty nappies and won’t even tell me if the kid needs a change . They just leave them wet or dirty and walk around with them ,take the pictures then give me them back for me to work out the kid needs a change .

I find some of these things really strange .

Oh witH the shouting they seem to lose their patience quite easily feels like they expect the kids to be cute but act like adults ... FIL and MIL shouting at my two year old was not easy for me as I would not shout at my two year old son because he tried to open his baby brothers present . That’s what kids do isn’t it ? I would just explain and say it is ok to ‘ help’ his brother. Etc ...

DH doesn’t want to go without me ... I keep trying to tell him to see them more VE it by himself but he doesn’t want too ...

I found the shouting aggressive .

When my eldest was born we had a big family dinner with extenddd family in a restaurant . They were drinking etc and they grabbed the baby and were paying him around the table . And one of them passed him over the table and dipped his foot in hot chocolate . I was so upset I felt like he was getting passed around like a doll . Plus he was crying . They get pissed off when the kids cry and don’t want to be with them . They think it’s our fault because we don’t leave them with the grandparents etc and claim the kids don’t ‘ know ‘ them ...

Wow they sound horrendous. Mine are incredibly tame in comparison . I’ve had a few eye rolls/ comments for doing baby led weaning but that’s it. It really pissed me off and DH put a stop to it straight away.

You need to be more firm. What you say goes- no discussion. If they try to argue shut them down. Your partner needs to do the same.

Actually, I’d probably avoid seeing them at all if they behave like this!

Yea we still see them once every few
Months at the least but mainly it’s about once a month .

They are pissed off when we don’t do what they want of meet them when they want to .And they then ignore my husband with silent treatment . They also complain about us to their extenddd family who all act wierd with us ( especially me ) .

I caught my MIL making rude gestures toward me behind my back.. but to my face she acts nice .

DH knows everything and hence we don’t see them too often . Want to give them some time with the kids
And with the family but we don’t enjoy meeting them more often . They are so pissed off about that ...

Retreat op. And take your dc with you. Be less available, and tell your dh to grow a pair. Your poor dc, I have changed my mind about suggesting sending them without you after your recent posts.
You need to be busy. Your db do not need a relationship with these people. Gps or not. Report the pics to fb, say your dc are at risk of outing by these photos.

thanks for that .. I have retreated a fair amount but there’s so much social pressure to try and keep the peace ....I feel a bit
More confident about not seeing them too much .. thank you

Oh I forgot to mention that they tried to tell my DH that they have ‘ rights’ regarding our children .. I think they were trying to say they have legal rights ..

That was just because they thought they should see the more than they are , not because they don’t see the kids . I found that pretty aggressive and unfair as they do see them . I also found it quite scary when they don’t even want to do childcare

What is the world coming to ?! I don’t understand how someone who does not even look after your children and doesn’t want to , can talk to you about their ‘ rights ‘ over your children !!!

Actually, I’d probably avoid seeing them at all if they behave like this!

Me too. It's only going to get worse as your kids get older, especially with the photos.
They don't have 'rights' and they are mean and unreasonable to talk like that.
Keep them at a very long arm's length.