Everything is impossible with 7 month old

[Ahbhee]

My 7 month old is healthy, usually happy and content - although does still wake in the night which I am confused about whether that's normal or I'm totally failing. she's ebf, I'm staying at home, we have no family or friends where we live, we play happy families for visitors (which happen once every few months) But dh and I are alone and when he's at work I just find looking after her a complete drain. I can't get anything done, she cries when I do washing up or clean bathroom etc she cries when we go on walks either in pram or sling, there are no shops, I don't have the car so doing a quick food shop isn't an option as she does seem to like that. I feel like I'm in a horrible bubble devoid of anything normal and my marriage is so strained because this life style is so intense. I feel a failure because I only have 1 child and the house is a mess, I don't get any cooking done until dh is home, I am constantly trying and failing to get us outside once a day, I'm getting fat because I'm so sedentary and it just seems totally absurd that I'm trapped in a house for literally weeks on end just playing with a baby then frantically trying to do things in her nap time which don't get done. Oh also our stupid plumbing seems to go through her room so using taps isn't an option when she's asleep adding to the ridiculousness. I think it's half circumstance and half mental breakdown that I am so trapped. I am so miserable i cried to my health visitor and she said I was abnormal and am making excuses. I love my baby and enjoy her emerging personality and milestones greatly she's just wonderful, but i am beyond miserable with my life, she should be outside, seeing people, discovering new things, but shes stuck with me. How have I got it all so wrong? I know she won't be small forever but in the meantime how can i be "normal"?

Your health visitor said what ? That you are abnormal and making excuses? OMG she deserves the sack for that.

I mean she said it in a 'nice' way? And she said she felt sorry for me when she next saw me. I don't really mind, i never expected her to do anything, they're all overworked anyway aren't they.

Why can't you run the taps when she's in the bedroom??

Also, you can let her cry a bit. Stuff needs to get done.

You're not failing.

An ergo baby carrier saved my sanity with my DC at 7 months. You can google for a sling library or baby wearing consultant near you. Hire costs from £6 a week usually so you can try before you buy.

Other top tip is take baby to playgroups even if she screams her way through it. The playgroup is for you to chat to other mums.

This stage is hard, you can do it.

Your health visitor is a dick... I had PND my dd is 8 months and I felt the same but it's getting better now. I told my health visitor how I was feeling when dd was about a month. She came round every few weeks just to sit and chat to make sure I was OK! She's only just stopped coming because I'm doing better. I'm finally enjoying being a mum and feeling like I've got it. Do you have a nice gp you can talk to? Sounds like you need some help.

Would the baby go in a door bouncer/jumperoo to let you have your hands free to do other things, whilst still watching them obviously? Have you got some activity places for the baby to play with, a blow up ring thing like a huge donut you can put them in to support them sitting up, a baby gym, bouncer etc. I used to put my girl in her high chair with a snack such as a frozen fruit purée lolly to give me 10 mins to get the tea on whilst knowing she was safe and wouldn't choke etc.

I use nap times for getting the daily essentials done like. Washing, washing up etc. Also i would clean the kitchen whilst they ate lunch in the high chair. Make it a must to go for a walk every day. It is hard but they are only young once. It will get easier. Also accept that you might not be able to cook until dh gets home. Sometimes i could prepare dinner early whilst baby napping.

Ah it is tough when they cry so much. DD is also 7months and going through separation anxiety phase. Remember it's ok if she cries for a little bit. She'll be ok and eventually she'll learn not to be upset.

It's just a water hammer or something in the pipes which is so loud, dh doesnt want to fix it and obviously my inexperience with babies has led me to create a super light sleeper. It's so dumb really all these little things you never would think twice about in other circumstances. Like memorising where all the creaky floorboards are...
Perhaps I do just need someone to vent to, to not feel so out of touch, but baby groups require a car aaaaaaaargh ergo carrier ok will look into it!! Thank you!

Oh bless you it’s so hard.
You sound very isolated.
Can you get to anywhere on the bus or train? Any playgroups or swimming sessions?
You need some structure to get you out the house and have something to do plus other adults to talk to. It’s an absolute godsend and I could not have coped in that first year without a little list of things we could do and go to like library sessions and coffee groups.

Staying in with a small baby is mind numbing and will drive you insane. It’s relentless and impossible to achieve anything I know exactly what you mean.

Can you afford a cleaner? Just a couple
Of hours to get the basics done so you don’t feel overwhelmed.
Menu plan the meals and stick to easy stuff. Hand baby over to DH as soon as he is home and get out for a gym class or go have a bath - anynting to get you some head space.

It does get better I promise but you really need more to look forward to each day than entertaining a tiny baby who will mainly
Poo and cry.

But if this all feels impossible and you find your mood really low then pls see the GP.
PND is common and not to be ashamed of and getting help sooner rather than later is better.

See what is around in your area and start signing yourself up to stuff.
And maybe plan some nice stuff at the weekends when DH is around to help
Too. Is he generally supportive?

Oh and night waking is NORMAL! Mine didn’t sleep through until they were over 2!

You haven’t created a light sleeper!! Some babies just are. Don’t criticise yourself- remember all mums were first time mums! You are doing a good job and it’s hard, bloody hard.

Could the baby sleep
Downstairs in the pram or in your room if their room is too noisy?

Are there any churches near you? They often run baby or toddler groups ( you can take a baby to those.) I've found that due to the age of the people running those groups the details aren't always online. Or community centres often run groups.

Or if your SE try thefamilygrapevine.co.uk/#

Skipping to the car issue - so DH takes car with him when he goes to work? Does he need it for work, or just parks it there/at station and comes back in it in the evening? Is there any other way he could get to work or you arrange to have the car twice a week? Could you drive him to a local station once or twice per week (hell to get you all ready early, but payoff is you have the car)? Could he get a bike?? (Spitballing here)

Jumper in doorway helps! I'm the same with mine, when he's good he is awesome but when he's bad he is evil. I can't get anything done either. The jumperoo has helped and the rocker chair in the kitchen. He also seems to find me singing and dancing while I do housework amusing. So I do that, I look mad!! Honestly your doing okay just keep going - it will pass and talk to Dr or HV again

My daughter is almost 11 months now but in the beginning I used a Caboo wrap carrier to get anything done. Also, could you not drive your partner to work so that you can have the car and he taxi back? Or you could get a taxi to a soft play area/coffee shop etc. Leave a cloth in your bathroom and wipe round quickly once a day and it makes it a bit more bearable by keeping on top. X

What hours does your DH do and does he do much around the house?

You're not alone. I'm the same. I moved to England to be with dh and I don't know anyone. He works all day so I'm also stuck in the house. Its freezing out but I force myself to go out on a 10 minute walk with my son once a day or else I'd be home all day everyday. It's awful. I've been extremely depressed and have cried myself to sleep many nights. Dh complains I'm always miserable but he doesn't understand how draining it is and how depressing it can be. I'm sorry wish I could help but unfortunately I'm in the same boat, and I totally understand you!!

Must be a weasley I think you could be right. The world just feels far away and I'm just here with no idea how to get into it. I wasn't ready for a baby honestly and I'm not coping well with it. It's so hard to reach out when you're feeling so vulnerable. But at the same time I just think well it's my fault, my responsibility, time to suck it up and force myself to do all this stuff, but i just can't! The fear of ruining her routine or having her cry is crippling! I don't think I'm making any sense am I! Oh dear I'm so lost

What is your area like op? I live in a village bordering on 2 small towns and don't drive but it's fine, what is the public transport like where you are?
Babies usually wake in the night at 7 months, you're definitely not doing anything wrong there at all.
Have you spoken to your dh about how you feel?

Is there any chance of moving house? You sound terribly isolated if there's no shops in walking distance etc. What will happen when you need to get her to nursery and school?

How long does she cry for in the pram? Can she see outwards or is she looking at you? Id take her out and try and push past the tears.

How tight is money? Taxi to the shops or a group once a week? Do you have any local bus services? Literally go for a ride on the bus and look at all the people in it?

And your health visitor is an idiot. It isn't nice to tell someone they're abnormal and making excuses. You sound like you have PND. She should be helping not telling you off. I'd ask for a visit and explain again how trapped and lonely you are.

Have you joined any online Mum groups in FB etc? Might be someone local or near enough to play date at yours?

Are you having driving lessons?

There's nothing abnormal about you. You're trying your hardest, which is all you can do. Please speak to your DH and GP/Hv

Seven months was an utter fucker with both my kids. They were so massively frustrated with not being able to do the things they wanted to do - mainly being mobile - that they lost their shit whenever I tried to leave the room. Grim.

Your setup does sound very lonely. Where do you go when you go out?

Oh, also wanted to add my voice to say that you're not abnormal and you're not doing anything wrong. Your HV should have been able to support you and show some empathy.

Is there another HVyou can talk to?
Honestly you aren’t alone and now is it your fault
It’s hard.
You need support?
Can you talk to your partner or any family?

Also if you can get somewhere around other Mums no one will care if she cries because we get it xx

NoR is of your fault