Just a rant about my 5YO Son

[Mismae]

Please no negative vibes ladies, I need to vent. I feel like I'm at the end of my tether, and don't want to keep snapping. 5 year old DS (almost 6) is doing two things that are driving me mad!! First of all, he creeps up into our bedroom every morning (attic room) no matter how many times I ask him not to, on the mornings where I hear him, he literally spend's 10-15 minutes climbing the stairs as quietly and stealthy as he can and then creeps through our room and stands next to the bed, when I ask what he's doing he just goes silent and doesn't reply, or says I don't know. Then other mornings (like today) I don't hear him at all, wake up to him stood next to the bed and it scares the hell out of me! He did this three times last night at 5.30, 6.00 and 7.00. Hes done this for over a year despite me repeatedly asking him not to and explaining why not, I'm also heavily pregnant with a very difficult pregnancy and don't want to keep being scared to death every morning!!

Also he's still wearing night time nappies, refuses to even attempt to go to the toilet during the night, like I said last night he woke up three times and came upstairs yet didn't even attempt to go to the toilet, then when we came down I asked if he'd been for a wee and taken his nappy off, he said no and took off his soaking wet nappy. I said are you going for wee and he said he'd just been for one in his nappy!! Its really starting to get me down, we've tried every type of encouragement we can think of and he still doesn't even want to try. His little sister (2) is starting to be dry at night, I thought that might give him a little push but he just doesn't care.

Any words of encouragement? I'm so stressed out :(

I think it's normal for a 5 year old to come through to parents in the mornings. Mine all did. Now my youngest is 8 we get no visitors and I miss that time.

Re night time nappy - I would just pick a date and ditch the nappy. Then he'll have to use the toilet.

He sounds a little bit anxious. He wants to come and see you but knows you don't want him to, hence the "sneakiness". He's only 5. He needs a bit of a cuddle in the morning.

No words of advice but you could be describing my son! He is still in nappies and seemingly has no desire to come out of them. He also is apparently dead whenever I ask him to do anything!! I'm really hoping it's a phase. I guess he won't still be in nappies at uni!! Sending solidarity!

Should say deaf! Not dead. And only nappies at night!

Your ds sounds very anxious, maybe due to your pregnancy, and I think you should either let him in bed with you or if its uncomfortable make up a little bed by yours with some cushions. He can have a cuddle and then snuggle up in there. I think he is probably regressing a bit with his toilet training due to the same worries. So if you can reassure him and make him feel more relaxed this may resolve by itself.

Would you be okay with him climbing in for a cuddle in the morning when he comes up and both going back to sleep? Would he do this?

Also I would just ditch the nappy all together. You will have some wet nights but perhaps he will go to the toilet if he doesn't have the safety of a nappy?

Please don’t worry about the wet nighttime nappies. It is perfectly normal and a GP would not be concerned until they are at least 7 or 8 yrs. my ds1 was wet until 10 yrs and ds3 until 8 yrs (on the other hand ds2 was dry day and night within a week of toilet training!) especially when pregnant and with a toddler I would stick with nights nappies until you have a bit of energy! The website ERIC has useful information but I really would make life as easy as possible for yourself.

With the morning wake ups have you thought about a star chart or/and a light on a timer so your ds knows when he can come up.

Agree with pp - make a little bed for him on the floor. He just wants a cuddle. My 5 year old does the same.

The thing is we REALLY don't mind him coming up and have never told him not to come see us and we're perfectly happy for him to climb in with us which he does, it's the way it's done, the sneaking and the scaring.

Also with the nappies, wet night's don't bother me, I just want him to try..or even care. When he's been up for 3 hours already and just decided's to pee in his nappy instead of the toilet which is literally about 4 feet from his bed, it's mighty frustrating!! :(

Why is he in a nappy three hours after he wakes up? If you removed it as soon as he got up would he wee in his pants or is it just that he knows he can wet his nappy without getting his clothes wet so he takes the opportunity? When dd was night training she had a wet nappy every morning but a couple of times when I went in to wake her it was dry and we realised she was dry through the night but wetting her nappy when she woke up. We took the nappy away at night and she started using the toilet straight away. Could you try just going cold turkey?

When he's been up for 3 hours already and just decided's to pee in his nappy instead of the toilet which is literally about 4 feet from his bed, it's mighty frustrating!!

If he's been up 3 hours, why is he still in his night time nappy?
Maybe he needs reminding to go to the toilet first thing?
If you don't mind a wet bed, why is he in a nappy at all if he doesn't wee in it until after he gets up?

I don't understand the problem with him coming in to you. Maybe teach him to knock on your door so there's no surprise?

When you hear him 'sneaking' up the stairs can you not just call down to him to come on up? Saves the slow creaking and shuffling up the stairs?

I'm referring to the fact that the first time he came up to scare me was at 4.45, then he went back to bed. I'm not gonna take his nappy off in the middle of the night?

Take him out of nappies. All the time he has them on he will not be able to gain control at nighttime. The sneaking thing is odd if you really are giving him the message that it's OK to come into your bed in the morning. Does he have any language delay? Is he properly understanding what you are telling him?

Also, I would love to teach him to knock to avoid the suprise!! That's what we've been trying to do for last year!

Still being wet at night is normal at 5. Mine is nearly 6 and in nighttime nappies (despite being fully toilet trained during the day at 2.5). It’s a hormonal thing. It happens in its own time. She is also pretty lazy and would keep her nappy on until it’s time to get dressed, no matter how many times we ask her to change out of it. But being really strict about expecting her to get up and put pants on even if she puts her pj’s back on after has helped. She’s really stubborn when it comes to getting dressed in the mornings but being firm has helped.

And then I think you need to give him some set of skills for dealing with mornings better, either he knocks or calls up the stairs and asks to come in for a cuddle. You may also need to work out what to do when the baby arrives. My dh ended up sleeping in a separate room for the first 3 months after our younger one was born because the older one couldn’t remember not to just come barrelling loudly into our room every morning (inevitably just after I’d gotten ds to sleep finally). With him in another room, he was better able to head her off before she came crashing in. Offer him a reward for every morning he does it politely as asked.

I don't understand why you'd be so scared finding him next to you. All my dcs would come in at random times through the night/early morning. Wouldn't necessarily hear them coming if we were in a deep sleep, but I don't ever recall being scared the way you describe!
That seems like a really strange response on your part.

I agree with others that he's anxious about another baby and about your reaction when he does appear.

Why don't you just pull him into bed with you for a cuddle?

On the rare occasions my 5 year old wakes before me, he sneaks into my bed. I love it. He’s my eldest but he’s still my baby and I love his cuddles in the morning. I find it weird that him standing by your bed scares you. He’s your baby not a character fir the shining. Just give him a cuddle fgs.

My dc has been out of night nappies for a while. It was obvious that he was weeing in his nappy after he had woken - as it was still warm when I checked- so we just took it off and he was fine. The thought of weeing in a nappy is gross to you, but it’s normal to him as he’s always done it since he was born!

He is probably sneaking so he doesn’t wake you. When he comes in, take his nappy off, take him for a wee and invite him into your bed and have a cuddle/snooze.

Ds2 has not long turned 6, he gets in my bed for a cuddle every day.

Can you not bring him to the toilet all those times he comes up. He is still little and might need some help here.
Mine always came into us in the mornings and popped into bed and we all slept on. I feel a bit sorry for him creeping all the way up and having to go back onto another floor . We often..everyday..ended up with all 3 in our bed in the mornings. But those stages pass.

Tinstar, I envy your response, prehaps its my nervous desposition, but for me waking up in the dark with a figure stood next to me and absolutely no warning, scares me. Personally I would have thought that's a normal reaction.

I don't mean this offensively but he sounds anxious. Perhaps dors he need a bit of love and cuddles now your new little baby is due? He might be ready for toilet training at night when he sees the baby wears a nappy.

Can you or OH not take him to the loo on his way back to bed if he gets up in the early hours?

My 4.5yr old is still in nappies at night despite being dry overnight on and off for over a year.
It's hard to make that final stop.

We did stop them a little under a year ago, then he was wet again, alot for ages. I was PG and we were still bed sharing so he went back in nappies again (baby is now 12 weeks old).

He moved in to his own room and bed a few months ago, first eith me on a pull out bed too
Most nights when he woke I took him to the loo then back to bed.

Over the last couple of months he has got alot better at going on his own.

But we have had to talk to him about it during the day.
We have night lights in his room and leave the bathroom light on all night.

For a while he was going for a wee then just staying in the bathroom for ages. No idea what he was doing! Just faffing about.

Had to keep letting him know (in the day) that he was Ok to get straight back to bed.

It is frustrating. But it will get better in time!

(We also had to work on him going in to disturb OH in his room, not me and baby in our room).

Maybe you have scared each other in the past?

It sounds as if he is hovering unsure what to do next....

Would he use a potty OP?

Maybe a potty in his room with the promise of a treat if there is a wee in it in the morning and he gets back in to bed after?

Stock up on chocolate coins!
He could have one after breakfast

I'd hate being woken up in that way. Do you think it's a game now to him because he's likes your reaction? Talk to him, draw on situations he's been in when something suddenly worries and scares him, get him to explain how he feels in that moment.

Could you put some noisy toys on the stairs that he would set off on the way up?

I think you need to be clear that there's a time and place for this behaviour. My children have always woken very early and soon learned to play quietly in their rooms until an adult got up. My youngest wet the bed until he was 7, I used to take him to the toilet every night at 10pm which seemed to help. Once they have a dry night or 2 they feel grownup.