Just a rant about my 5YO Son

[Mismae]

Please no negative vibes ladies, I need to vent. I feel like I'm at the end of my tether, and don't want to keep snapping. 5 year old DS (almost 6) is doing two things that are driving me mad!! First of all, he creeps up into our bedroom every morning (attic room) no matter how many times I ask him not to, on the mornings where I hear him, he literally spend's 10-15 minutes climbing the stairs as quietly and stealthy as he can and then creeps through our room and stands next to the bed, when I ask what he's doing he just goes silent and doesn't reply, or says I don't know. Then other mornings (like today) I don't hear him at all, wake up to him stood next to the bed and it scares the hell out of me! He did this three times last night at 5.30, 6.00 and 7.00. Hes done this for over a year despite me repeatedly asking him not to and explaining why not, I'm also heavily pregnant with a very difficult pregnancy and don't want to keep being scared to death every morning!!

Also he's still wearing night time nappies, refuses to even attempt to go to the toilet during the night, like I said last night he woke up three times and came upstairs yet didn't even attempt to go to the toilet, then when we came down I asked if he'd been for a wee and taken his nappy off, he said no and took off his soaking wet nappy. I said are you going for wee and he said he'd just been for one in his nappy!! Its really starting to get me down, we've tried every type of encouragement we can think of and he still doesn't even want to try. His little sister (2) is starting to be dry at night, I thought that might give him a little push but he just doesn't care.

Any words of encouragement? I'm so stressed out :(

We have a similar set up to you, we're in the attic. DS is now 7 and wore night time nappies until just after 6th birthday. We'd been really careful not to ever tell him off, he'll be dry at night when his body is ready blah blah.

We took it off, he kept wetting the bed, literally washing sheets and 3 duvets every day for weeks with no progress. We had a referral to paediatrics, the only thing we had not tried was a bed wetting alarm. I decided to buy one (Amazon was cheap enough) and try it before the hospital appointment.

He was dry within a week. A week. Ffs he was simply being lazy. He hated the alarm, he hated the noise and being woken up. That's it. He did what was easiest, and when we made it easiest to stay dry, he did.

As for sneaking up stairs, we still use a baby monitor. When he gets out of bed we can usually hear the odd squeaky floorboard and wake up. Older people put bells on their door handles so they can hear if someone has come in the home. A bell to wake you?

A friend uses a baby gate across the bedroom door to keep her much younger child in their bedroom. Probably not going to contain him, but maybe you need to look at some kind of reward for staying put? Or a bedroom door handle that has a lock incorporated? So you can shut your door and lock it shut. That removes the 'reward' of sneaking in and freaking you out. Once you replace the reward he currently gets with something else, you should start to see an improvement.

Do you think he is actually awake when he comes up? I wonder if he is sleep walking as you say he doesn’t know what he’s been doing? I would probably put him to bed in my room on the floor for a few days and try to get the measure of what’s going on.

As for the nappy - off to the GP for a review as he may not be able to be dry at night yet.

Ps mine love getting into our bed and personally I secretly love it too.

When he comes in, and doesn't knock, say "oh you forgot to knock, go back and try again" and then praise him for knocking.

A dark figure?! Christ he does it every day, ypu kbow it him! You sound quite highly strung OP. Do you have anxiety generally or just when it comes to your son?!

Bells on your door handle I did this when dd tried to sneak outside she would find the key and everything so I tied bells on the handle to stop it🤷‍♀️

OP don’t take this the wrong way but I think you need to change your attitude to this, your 5 year old isn’t really doing anything wrong - he’s just being a 5 year old!

If you want him out of nighttime nappies you need to help him with that by taking him to the toilet and getting that nappy off in the mornings. And just tell him he’s fine to jump into bed with you. It isn’t really that normal to freak out when your child is next to your bed, you know it’s going to be him, who else would it be?

My son is almost 6, creeps in to our room and stands at our bed too. He also wears nighttime nappies. About the nappies - I was slightly concerned until I read doctors don't worry until they're 7 or 8. I also read nighttime dryness is determined by hormones so there's not much my little boy can do about it! I'm certainly not angry with him. As for coming to our room he's only 5, he's awake and I wouldn't want him to be alone and anxious so I just put up with it. I tell him to climb in bed and we have a cuddle. I don't like being woken up but it's quite enjoyable.

OP you haven't answered why he is still in his nappy 3 hours after waking?

It's probably confusing him. He knows to use the loo in the day. He knows he can use his nappy at night. If he's still got it on he's going to think it's fine to use it. Seems obvious to me.

As pp have said night time dryness is largely hormonal so doctors don't worry until about 7 or 8.

No more nappies, lock your door.
Then he will be more likely to use the loo and when he comes up to you he will have to knock.
Give the kid 100 times more daytime hugs and attention.

Tinstar, I envy your response, prehaps its my nervous desposition, but for me waking up in the dark with a figure stood next to me and absolutely no warning, scares me. Personally I would have thought that's a normal reaction.

No warning? He does it every day doesn't he?! No I don't think your reaction is normal at all.

Seriously I think the problem is with you rather than him. He's probably conflicted because he wants his mum but is scared of your reaction - hence his behaviour. Instead of having a "rant" about your 5 year old's behaviour and its impact on you, why not focus on how you can make him feel more loved and secure? You might find that the problem then resolved itself.

Why don't you ask him to call up the stairs to you rather than sneak. Give him permission to need you but say "when you need me in the night when you get to the bottom of the stairs call gently "Daddy, mummy" so when you get to our door I'm ready to give you a cuddle"

Where is your partner in this?

DS is up why isn't your DP/DH taking him for a wee and settling him in the morning or getting up with him if it is morning and taking his nappy off etc?

He is just being 5 and probably unsettled by your pregnancy.

Please don’t lock your door, that is cruel particularly to a child who sounds anxious.

I don't mean to offend you. But I agree with other posters. I think perhaps look at your behaviour first. In the grand scheme of things his 'behaviour' wouldn't even register on my radar of problems. Why are you scared of your 5 year old son looming at your bed? You know it's him. I hope maybe you'll just look at your reactions a little. Just give that boy some love and hugs and so a reward chart. We do the 'dry race', my boy loves red. So red stars die winning. So etching similar to his taste maybe? You're pregnant and tired so give yourself a break but I don't think your boy is misbehaving. I think he's needing

Many typos. Aplogies

Actually my middle child used to wander in and watch me sleeping he was nervous about waking his dad as he would erupt at him I just used to scream cuddle him and tuck it into bed with me

He probably knows he scare you so he’s trying his best not too! I think he’s feeding off your anxiety. Poor kid.

Would agree with Limp above - sounds like a 5 year old unsure of the future to me. Also agree with pp - don't lock the door on him.

I had same age gap OP and my 5 year old really regressed before baby no.2 arrived. He needed to be a nestling, cuddling little baby animal for ages in run up to the baby arriving. Was actually lovely and a special time I remember.

I also remember many days of just crashing out after pm school run watching a movie together (me napping).

Not sure if you're working but get as much rest as you can. Lower all expectations of your activity, housework etc and your child's behaviour and try to relax

5.30, 6 and 7? It sounds like he's an early riser and bored? That's morning for us - one of us would get up with ours, take the nappy off and tell them to go to the toilet.

Our youngest often appears by our bed in the night (by that I mean 2-3am) - and I've never once been scared by this... Their wake up time is 5am at the moment and we get up with them as they don't go back to sleep after this point.

I’ve always considered any time after 5am to be morning and acceptable to get up I’m afraid. Too frustrating for everyone otherwise.

Could you set some boundaries for when he can come in? Got-Clock maybe?