When did you feel ok to leave your first born?

[Newtoallofthis2019]

I am due mid June (my first!) - my best friend is getting married in the December and the hen do is likely to be November... so by November baby will be about 5 months old. I do plan on breastfeeding but will see how I go so not 100% sure if I still will be by then. My concern is if I will feel comfortable to go on the hen do, it is likely to be a European city break for a long weekend. Husband is more than happy to do what he can so I can go to the hen and parents and PIL also around so baby will be absolutely spoiled and well looked after I know, but my concern is how will I feel. I am bridesmaid and the bride to be travelled from America to be at my hen and wedding last year - so I would feel so awful if I didn’t go, but feeling a bit torn and unsure on how I will feel!! Any advice from anyone who has had a similar situation?!

I wouldn't have managed. I was still breastfeeding to sleep and in the night, so leaving DD would have been stressful. Plus I think I would have struggled emotionally leaving DD. Also sleep deprived so wouldn't have been up for a party. Many feel differently though and would love the break.

I didn’t leave my first born overnight till she was 18 months. My best friend left hers at 6 weeks for a 3 day business trip. Neither of us was right or wrong, we just felt differently.

My DS1 was bottle fed from about a month, and I left him with my Parents at 9 weeks overnight so attend my DSiL's wedding do. It was adult evening function. I trust my parents completely so didn't have an issue leaving him for a night. Some other women will say they couldn't have done that. It's different for each person I think. I think you just need to see how you feel when the time comes. There's no point going away if you can't relax and are constantly worried.

I would have been able to bring myself to leave DD for something important like a wedding but as she was EBF it would have required a lot of planning to leave enough expressed milk in the freezer. I was lucky that DD took a bottle no trouble at all, was a good sleeper and was chilled out in my mum's care.

There are so many unknown variables I don't think you can know for definite until your baby is a few weeks old and you have an idea what things look like.

I left my baby overnight from 4 months, I didn’t do a long weekend until she was 8 months and I honestly found that quite hard (and I was formula feeding, I think bfing it would be even harder)
Is there any way you can just go for part of it? Or go for a night out in the UK?

Dd1 was 5 months the first time she stayed overnight at my parents. My sil used to have her niece every weekend from 2 weeks old! No one can say how you'll feel and there is no right or wrong, obviously would depend who you're leaving baby with

When he was about a month, but I didn't actually until he was 2, as I didn't have the opportunity.

I couldn't have done a long weekend at 5 months. It would have been just about practically possible with planning and expressing, but I wouldn't have had fun.

I tried at 11 months and changed my mind and drove the 3 hours home at 10pm, finally left her overnight at 15 months.

However, everyone is different, you won't know how you feel until the time comes.

I left mine overnight at GP's house around the corner from about 4 weeks, but it was different as they were just around the corner and I'd get the baby back the next day.

I left my pfb for 3 nights for a city break when he was 10 months old, but at 5 months I think I would have struggled.

Agree you'll have to wait until baby is here and a month old or so to see how you feel.

When ds was 4 days old for a couple of hours with my dm who lives round the corner and over night when he was 3 weeks old again with dm. Ds was bottle fed and i trust my mum completely.

I left my firstborn for 2 nights at 5.5 months with my mum to go on my hen do (my husband emigrated that weekend then we followed shortly after otherwise it would have been him!)

I breastfed but he took a bottle and I worked at building a decent stash up. Was able to keep breastfeeding up to a year.

It depends on you and how you feel I think.

I would recommend introducing a bottle early on if you do breastfeed. Mine was a total bottle refuser - I couldn't leave him overnight at 5 months for that reason as he was ebf from breast only. It was a right pain!

I had no choice but to leave my DS when he was 3 weeks old as I had to go to the hospital twice a week for half a day to learn the physiotherapy for my then husband who had been diagnosed with MS a month before he was born. My DM looked after DS who was FF for me, she used to bring & book & he normally only had 1 feed while we were out.

I didn't leave dd with a sitter until she was 4 months old and that was only for a couple hours and I was on edge the whole time - even though the person sitting was a much trusted friend with lots of childcare experience and who understood why I was anxious (dd was a rainbow after losing 3, pregnancy & childbirth were also touch and go and she was in scbu for a week) friend had also had multiple mc & difficult pregnancies and childbirth.

And here's where I get flamed - I couldn't leave her overnight until I had to when she was almost 3. Ex and I had split by this point and overnight contact was court ordered. Partly I looked forward to the break, I was knackered, but I did find it really hard too - not helped by exs blasé attitude to her health! Fortunately his then partner, now wife (was OW) is much more sensible and listens. If she wasn't going to be there I'd have been a wreck! She was also a mother herself by this point and understood my anxiety/concerns. (Ex is a twat, their child had health concerns he's never taken seriously too, partly "I don't believe in allergies" bollocks!)

Truth is you don't know how you're going to feel. How long is the hen trip for (yet again I find myself thinking why the fuck people have bloody holidays instead of traditional hen NIGHTS).

Is the bride a mother? Is it possible for dh and baby to accompany you and you just join in the hen activities?

And I bf too and honestly if you're bf that's an additional physical and emotional stress (but not a reason to not bf if you want to)

Everyone's different but you're unlikely to know until baby here what end of the spectrum you fit on.

I have a 5 month old and whilst we have had nights apart, she's been at MIL who is a 2 minute walk across the caravan site where she lives - I settle to sleep and am there almost as soon as she wakes in the morning. No way could I be away for a whole weekend and especially not out of the country. She is FF.

I have to go do a day at work in 2 weeks and I'm absolutely dreading it.

We left DS at 5 months, for 2 nights, with my mother, as it was a very close friend’s wedding. She lives up the road and from about 6 weeks, we’d gone to stay the night there with him every few weeks and she did the night wakings so we knew it would be fine.

Overnight with DH at over a year. For a weekend not yet and she is 2.5 years old.

Research the 4 trimester. Is does not matter how spolit your baby is by others they will just want you at that age.

I didn't leave my DS (PFB ) until he was a year as we were moving house and didn't have his cot up - so didn't have much choice 😆 Since then he has regular sleep overs at my Mum's.

I think there are several factors you need to think about - if your EBF you need to know your baby will take a bottle. If not, you're sort of buggered on that front. BF babies can have problems transitioning from breast to bottle so an early (but not too early) introduction can help.

You'll also have to have a sturdy sitter who will be able to cope if your baby is up a lot in the night for feeds. My DS was FF at that age and no longer had night feeds but woke up to 8 times a night around that age. As much as I could have done with the break at that age I didn't want to put my dear Mum through the sleep deprivation

When I dropped him off at university.

I left ds overnight at four and a half months but for one night only with dp. My boobs seriously hurt even with expressing the next day. Overnight will be fine but more might be a tad painful if you ebf
But you may express easier than I can!

When dd was a few weeks old. MIL came over and stayed with her while I went to the dentist.

I have a very vivid memory of that day, because on the way home I switched on the car radio, and heard on the news that the television presenter Jill Dando had been murdered.

Honestly - I'd plan for hubby and baby to come with you on city break. Feeding baby to sleep at night is very hard to replace with an expressed bottle, even if your baby willingly takes a bottle (mine refused completely no matter what I did!!)

I left my baby at 5 months old to go to a wedding. I left him from 5:30pm (I missed the ceremony and went to the meal) and left after the meal and was back by 11.30. I didn't feel right without him. No way could I go away for a weekend without him. I still haven't left him overnight and he's nearly 15 months!
Don't put pressure on yourself. Either decide not to go, and possibly change your mind closer to the time or bring dh and baby with you

Ummm. Well my first born is 4 (5 in March) and I have never left her alone for the night except when I was in hospital overnight twice. (When husband was looking after her).
Mind u we don't trust family much to do overnight or they are too far away if we did.

I think I am in the minority though.

I left DS1 with DH at about 4 months overnight. It was bliss! I went on a hen do and dance, drank and slept until 9am!

He was FF though, so easier to do than BF.