When did you feel ok to leave your first born?

[Newtoallofthis2019]

I am due mid June (my first!) - my best friend is getting married in the December and the hen do is likely to be November... so by November baby will be about 5 months old. I do plan on breastfeeding but will see how I go so not 100% sure if I still will be by then. My concern is if I will feel comfortable to go on the hen do, it is likely to be a European city break for a long weekend. Husband is more than happy to do what he can so I can go to the hen and parents and PIL also around so baby will be absolutely spoiled and well looked after I know, but my concern is how will I feel. I am bridesmaid and the bride to be travelled from America to be at my hen and wedding last year - so I would feel so awful if I didn’t go, but feeling a bit torn and unsure on how I will feel!! Any advice from anyone who has had a similar situation?!

Nobody can tell you how you'll feel and the problem is you really won't know yourself until very close to the time.

I did leave my dc1 overnight at 9 months, for one night - about 14 hours altogether. After that one night (during which my breasts nearly exploded as she'd almost stopped breastfeeding in the day but instead of accepting a bottle she had been "reverse cycling" and feeding a lot at night to make up for missed daytime milk, as I'd gone back to work to work out my maternity leave) I didn't leave her over ight again until I had dc2 when she was 2 years old.

I had to leave dc2 at 5 months because I was rushed to hospital in an ambulance, for a similar length of time. Dc3 I actually didn't leave overnight til MIL first had him for a at about 20 months, though I left him in the evening earlier.

I didn't like leaving my babies overnight when they were under 1 year old, and though obviously it's not the end of the world I wouldn't have enjoyed leaving them for an optional overnight social event under a year old but everybody's different.

I breastfed and went to a hen do when dd was 5 months and stayed away 2 nights. My dh (with help from my mum) looked after dd1 and fed her with expressed milk. The hen's SIL had a 6 month old and was in the same boat, so we had a bit of a laugh expressing together in the holiday cottage (it's quite uncomfortable if you don't). On return there were no difficulties resuming breastfeeding which I carried on til she was 1. Dd was absolutely fine with her dad. However there isn't a chance I could have done it with dd2, she never ever took a bottle or cup and point blank refused anything other than boob. So I'd say it really depends on how both you and dd feel when the time comes. If you have to book now, make sure you book in such a way that you can cancel and get all or most of the money refunded if it turns out you don't want to / can't leave.

I couldn't have done it and din't leave DD or my second born until they were well over 1. BF babies are notirious and unpredictable for bottle rejection so you would have to work hard at it to make sure baby will feed when you're not there.

If you can afford it, I would go with your DH and DC to the hen destination, leave DH to potter round while you hang out with the girls then retreat back to stay with your baby. If you're anything like me you won't want to be out late anyway.

I went to my best friends hen do when my baby was 6 months. Dd was bf but I left a stash of expressed milk and DH was more than up to the task of looking after her for a night.

As it turns out my DD did not cope well at all without me and I ended up leaving the hen do to drive home at 3am (3 hour drive away). It was incredibly stressful being so far away knowing she needed me and with hindsight she wasn't ready to be left despite being well cared for in my absence.

So I think it's difficult for you to know at this stage whether your baby will be ok without you (and how you'll feel!). I'd be apprehensive about being overseas and not being able to easily get home to the baby on short notice if they need you.

I guess what you decide to do now depends on whether you can afford to lose money if you book and then at a later point decide against going. I completely understand the pressure of committing to going as that's why I went to my friend's, but now I look back on the experience I think 6months was very young to expect me to be able to easily leave her behind, and if you decided you couldn't do it you are perfectly within your rights to do so.

I didn't do a night away from my kids until my eldest was over 4 and just had my first 3 night trip a month ago. He's 5, my daughter is 2.5. At 5 months, I couldn't have done it - even if he'd not been breastfeeding to sleep and 3 to 6 times overnight. Also I was at peak stress and anxiety around 5 months. I was barely getting out of the house with him, never mind without him. That's probably not normal though!

I wouldn't do this. You will be putting so much pressure on yourself.
I ended up exclusively bfing which is something I hadn't planned to do. It was partly because it felt right and also because DS then rejected bottles so I had no choice. I fully embraced this and just went with it. It is a short time in the grand scheme of things.
Anyway i tried leaving him at 9 months for an evening out with friends. I left him with my lovely parents who saw him every week and he screamed the place down when I wasn't there for bedtime despite me giving him a feed before i left and him being well onto solids.
My parents rang me and by the time I got home he was a complete state, sobbing and exhausted and I felt terrible.
I can now leave him for a night but even at 2.8 I wouldn't leave him for a long weekend. It is so hard to predict how you will feel and you don't need the added stress with a new baby.

Mine is 2 years and I still am not ready, saw on FB today a friend looked after her 4 month old nephew this weekend. Everyone is different but you won’t know until nearer the time.

It's terribly hard to say if you would be able to. Every child is different and every parent has their own way. I have never left my DS and he is 16 months and as things stand, I only have plans on leaving him at bedtime in November when we have a concert to attend for a few hours.

I have never wanted/needed to leave him but that's my choice, my best Friend left her son overnight with PIL when he was 13 days, she wasn't wrong.

I'm sure your friend would understand if you didn't feel comfortable enough leaving a 5 month old for a long weekend, you just have to see how you feel at the time. Believe me I think, if you don't feel comfortable leaving you baby, you will have no qualms in explaining that as you will just want what's best for your baby. And if you do feel comfortable doing it, your hubby seems ok for taking over, so have a blast

Thanks so much everyone! Good to hear all the points of view!! Nothing has been decided on what the hen will defo be so I will wait and see what is the plan and decide nearer the time....I kind of thought I prob wouldn’t know until baby is here so sounds like that is the general consensus!! Thanks again everyone :) xx

My baby is 8 months and I haven’t left him for longer than a few hours and quite honestly wouldn’t want to. He was ebf before weaning and at 5 months was still feeding every 2 hours. He rejected a bottle anyway but would have been a nightmare trying to express enough for a long weekend. Wait and see how you feel when the baby is here.

In my personal experience and years of observation, breastfeeding mothers wouldn't consider it and most formula feeders would. Personally I've had huge anxiety about leaving mine even for an hour whilst breastfeeding. It's an anxiety completely linked to hormones produced when lactating. If you are open minded to breastfeeding not working out then it's likely you won't last breastfeeding. You need a bloody minded attitude to it.

I breastfed and i left my dd for the first time at 3 months overnight (i took breast pump with me),and then again at 4 months overnight

At 5 months, no, definitely not ready. I left my first overnight for 2 nights when she was 9 months, but she was ff. My 2nd is bf and I’m hoping I’ll be able to go away overnight by the summer when he’ll be 17 months.

I wouldn’t be comfortable at only 5 months anyway but if you’re bf, a lot has to do with whether your baby will take a bottle (mine doesn’t), settle for your partner and sleeps independently (will still be too little to safe co sleep with dad if you are co sleeping). You might get one of those magical easy babies, but chances are it won’t be that simple.

I never felt mine being at home with their own dad counted as "leaving them". He had to "leave them" with me to go to work every day (no paternal leave in those days).

I first left my eldest to go to a 4-day conference abroad when she was around 5 months old. I expressed while I was away, having first filled the freezer with expressed milk and that worked well. By that time I had already been back at work part-time for several months while dh looked after dd on unpaid leave, so never had that experience of her only wanting me; she was used to getting comfort from daddy.

Our second-born left me overnight when he was a few weeks old as dh took him off to see his (as we thought) dying granddad; Aptamil + expressing was the answer then,

Afraid, though I did breastfeed, I did not experience the huge anxiety other posters describe. Don't think it was due to lack of bonding, just that people are different. For me, 5 months was perhaps the most relaxed part of parenting. So it is all completely unpredictable.