All day crying - 12 week old - please help

[Louise0410]

Hi

I’ve posted previously about my baby boy who cries for most of the day (and is a terrible napper and night sleeper).

We saw a paediatrician who suggested reflux and cows milk intolerance. He’s been on reflux meds (omeprazole) for a little over a month and I have cut out all dairy and soya from my diet for the same amount of time (I read every single packet so it’s been totally emlinated). We haven’t seen any improvement with the crying and his refusal of feeds (he’s dropped from the 75th centile to just above the 25th and I’m quite sure he will continue to drop because he is clearly hungry but won’t feed) Have also had him checked for tongue tie etc.

I have no idea what to try next. I know he gets overtired so I’m really conscious about getting him to nap regularly throughout the day (generally after an hour awake time he is ready for a nap). At night he wakes every single hour, cannot self soothe and needs to be picked up/sleep on me or my husband. White noise, elevated cot at one end, a t-shirt with my smell on it, a dummy, patting and shushing...you name it we have tried it. When people start to tell me to put him in the cot drowsy but awake I literally start crying because such a situation feels like it will never ever be possible.

Any ideas? Anyone have a similar situation and how did it resolve? I’m convinced he is in pain or discomfort...

Please help!

Does he maybe have colic? If so I think that improves as they get older.
Have you seen a lactation consultant (properly trained not just your HV) who could check latch and give advice?
Would you consider trying cranial osteopathy? I know lots of people think it’s a load of bollocks but couldn’t hurt to try...
Btw babies can’t usually self settle at such a young age. Anyone who utters the phrase “awake but drowsy “ needs to give it a rest and feel free to tell them so! Would co-sleeping/bed sharing be an option?

Carry him in a sling? That worked for me with a very fussy baby.

I was just about to suggest cranial osteopathy but I see someone has beaten me to it...

Thanks for the suggestion. I spend most days with him in a sling or carrier but even that does not stop the crying. So sometimes it’s just me and my screaming baby attached to my chest. It’s not like he is consoled by being held...in fact sometimes being held makes him scream even more 🙁

Thanks for the suggestions creatureofthenight.

We’ve tried cranial osteopathy - didn’t seem to help. I’ve also seen lots of people about his latch and it seems pretty good. There was suggestion weeks back that my letdown was super fast and that was bothering him but he seems less bothered by that now.

Thanks for the reassurance on the self settling. I’m constantly wondering what I’m doing wrong to have such a terrible sleeper. I have tried cosleeping but it would have to be ON me as next to me just doesn’t cut it.

I am kind of resigning myself to the fact maybe it is just all day long colic and praying that it passes soon because 12 weeks of non stop crying is very very emotionally draining.

Sounds incredibly tough - hope you've got some supportive people around you to give you some rest.

I've not experienced that level of crying so can't offer much in the way of advice but I also had a non-sleeper. My son would only sleep on my chest (or my husbands) until he was about 4 months old. I kept persevering with putting him in the cot and from around 4 months he did start to settle in it more frequently. I also remember feeling like it would never happen - but it did. Ignore what people say you "should" be doing - trust your instincts and do whatever you need to do in order to get some rest. The self-settling etc will come in time. Best of luck.

Thanks for the hope. We keep putting him in his cot and sometimes he will do one cycle but then he just seems to want to be on one of us. We are sticking with an evening routine and returning him to the cot as much as possible. It’s juat hard because I know he will get overtired if we don’t eventually give in and just let him get some good sleep on us.

I found that of my children, who were 2 years apart, each child was easier to self settle than the previous one, because it became absolutely necessary if the one above was going to eat or get changed. They would yell for a couple of minutes then stop, but that took practice. It was much easier to this practice to happen in a "real" situation, as in it couldn't be helped, because when I tried it with earlier children it was just too hard.

I wonder if it would help to experiment with ways to help self soothing, to see if anything particular helps? One of mine liked a blanket against her face, as it reminded her of my t shirt when feeding her. Another sucked a thumb and another had a dummy for three months (until DD1 kept removing it just as he drifted off 😬). I remember trying a fat teddy next to one. Sometimes it's just finding the thing for that baby, or the baby growing out of that phase.

Poor you, though. You must be exhausted.

Thanks yearofthemum- I honestly feel like we’ve tried everything and might just need to ride this out. I’ll continue to try in the meantime.

Thankfully my partner is able to do half the night (and just deliver the baby to me for nightfeeds) so I’m not too sleep deprived. I just feel so sorry for our little fella. He seems so unhappy ☹️.

I could have written this post 6 months ago. Cosleeping saved us, but I also had some luck with a swaddling/white noise combo for naps (never worked at night). The white noise had to be so loud it gave me a headache though (but I'd take it over crying).
You'll get through this, hell grow out of it (eventually).

Thanks divgirl. Did you have the same crying issues during the day too? Do you think it was colic?

We tried a swaddle again last night - hasn’t worked previously and he managed to sleep in his cot for most of the night (only short bursts though!). Still - better than the night before.

I know he can’t be like this forever I just feel like he is really suffering and it seems so unfair (for him and me!)

Sounds incredibly tough OP. I wondered if you had considered trying formula feeding at all? You may not want to, but a friend of mine had all of the same issues until they were prescribed a special anti-reflux formula by the GP and then it was like they suddenly had a different baby.

12 weeks is still very very little and baby will naturally want to be close to you, so like others have suggested I'd follow your DS's lead with that - don't worry about him self soothing yet.

Does he like the car or buggy? Music? The hairdryer helped my two to feed but I think they were younger.

If he's loosing weight then it's probably hunger, try dream feeding maybe? My DS would feed easier if he was asleep, otherwise he'd take a tiny amount of milk and scream on and off throughout the feed.

Crying is so hard to cope with but it will get better.

Thanks for the suggestion. I’d rather stick with the breastfeeding for now but we see a paediatrician in a couple of weeks so will talk to them about options. Since I’ve been dairy free for a month I don’t want to suddenly start giving him a formula with cows milk protein before our appointment.

The night times don’t bother me too much - I expected it with a new baby. It’s just the all day crying that doesn’t stop with all the usual checks. It’s really heartbreaking.

Hello,

My daughter (now 14mo) has CMPA. There’s a Facebook group you can join called CMPA breastfeeding support which is brilliant!! You can ask this question on there and I’m sure you’ll get lots of good advice.

Eggs is next down the list on the top allergens so maybe try cutting out that? It can take 6 weeks for milk & soya to leave your breastmilk xxx

Buggy and car are generally ok. We live in London so the car only works if we can drive without stopping which doesn’t happen often around where we live. He likes the sling so I take him out in that a lot.

The hairdryer does help and sometimes I can get him to feed with that on. I also only really dream feed him now - as soon as he wakes up from a nap I feed him and in the night he generally feeds without too much fuss when half asleep. He hasn’t lost weight he just is no longer gaining along the same centile. The Hv told me not to worry - but given that I know he seems hungry I can only see the feeding and weight gain becoming more of an issue. It’s silly really because they won’t address it until he drops below the 25th and he is almost at that point.

Definitely don't worry about putting him down drowsy but awake. It's basically impossible and will stress you out for no good reason. I cuddled my eldest to sleep for months and one night he just started sleeping thorough. It's as much developmental as about creating good habits and it's very, very early days for that sort of stuff.

No good suggestions on the crying really. Does he settle in your arms? I'd hold him/wear him in a sling as much as possible.

Thanks for the CMPA advice. I’ll take a look. I’ve been told it’s unlikely to be an allergy and maybe just an intolerance because he would be very ill if it was an allergy. His poo is fine, no rashes etc.

Yeah - I did think about eggs too (and wheat and gluten) but I’m waiting for a dietician referral through the paediatrician before I cut anything else.

Hey said six weeks for the dairy and soya so I’ve got one to go until I’m there. Fingers crossed it will make a difference.

Sometimes he really HATES being held. As in he won’t just relax and enjoy being on your lap or on your chest. The HV told me to do more skin to skin but he is so nosey that he just lifts his head up and peers around the room and eventually cries because it’s like he is doing tummy time for ages if you see what I mean.

Thanks again for the reassurance on the sleeping. I felt like I’d messed up somewhere along the line.

Do you have some sort of chair/bouncer? Sometimes my 16 week old hates being held. We got him a baby Bjorn bouncer when he was about 8 weeks and it was a revelation. We called it the magic chair. He - mostly- chills out when he’s in the chairs likes being bounced and because he’s so nosey he likes to be able to look around and look at your face.

Before he was in a state he used to scream when he was held and scream louder when he was put down.

You've definitely not messed up - it sounds like you're doing an amazing job. Broken sleep + very unsettled baby + worries about feeding sounds incredibly tough. Well done for getting through every day and trying everything you have.
Oh and the drowsy but awake thing - second time my HV said this to me with a non-sleeping, colicky, losing-weight baby nearly tipped me over the edge. IGNORE!! Self settling will come in time!

The bouncer works for maybe 30 mins and then he gets bored with that or wiggles so much it bounces too much and he gets stressed out...

I think he just likes constant changes. Sometimes he will be crying lying down so I pick him up he calms for 10 mins and then cries and I put him down again and he is chilled out again. It’s very...odd.

Thank you Nononoyesno.

It’s been an unbelievably hard few months. I know it will all get better. We go out everyday and I take him to cafes to meet friends. I figure if he is going to scream he might as well do it whilst I eat something nice (and non dairy soya free) at lunch time. Mostly I try to find the funny side of having such a screamer but then I worry something is very wrong with him and it’s been missed/all this crying will affect him when he is older or that I’m not doing enough.

I’m also doubtful I could ever do this again so I’m feeling a bit sad about probably never having another (even though they might be different I could not even risk reliving the last 3 months!) I said this to my mum and she told me I’d forget this stage - I can categorically say I will never forget the one day he screamed for almost 24 hours straight.

My dd was like that. She has cmpa and had silent reflux (outgrew just before turning 2). I went dairy free but also she had a bottle of dairy free formula before bed (as also lost too much weight). She preferred bottles to breast. That one bottle also meant I got a bit of time to recover from the day of crying as my dh did the pre-bed feed. What dose of omperazole is he on? Max dose of ranitidine and omperazole is what eventually worked for us. Nap wise she would only sleep in carrier outwards facing - often had to be hoovered to sleep . Have you got a white noise machine - I sometimes clipped one in to the side of the carrier.

It's massively shit having a baby cry all day and night. You'll get through it