All day crying - 12 week old - please help

[Louise0410]

Hi

I’ve posted previously about my baby boy who cries for most of the day (and is a terrible napper and night sleeper).

We saw a paediatrician who suggested reflux and cows milk intolerance. He’s been on reflux meds (omeprazole) for a little over a month and I have cut out all dairy and soya from my diet for the same amount of time (I read every single packet so it’s been totally emlinated). We haven’t seen any improvement with the crying and his refusal of feeds (he’s dropped from the 75th centile to just above the 25th and I’m quite sure he will continue to drop because he is clearly hungry but won’t feed) Have also had him checked for tongue tie etc.

I have no idea what to try next. I know he gets overtired so I’m really conscious about getting him to nap regularly throughout the day (generally after an hour awake time he is ready for a nap). At night he wakes every single hour, cannot self soothe and needs to be picked up/sleep on me or my husband. White noise, elevated cot at one end, a t-shirt with my smell on it, a dummy, patting and shushing...you name it we have tried it. When people start to tell me to put him in the cot drowsy but awake I literally start crying because such a situation feels like it will never ever be possible.

Any ideas? Anyone have a similar situation and how did it resolve? I’m convinced he is in pain or discomfort...

Please help!

Just to add. I felt the same about would I ever want another child after the screaming. My dd is 2.5yrs now and we've been trying for a year. I will never forget the screaming/emotional torture but we survived. My dd is a very happy little thing now. You do come out the other side. For us 10 months was a turning point as that's when we got the silent reflux meds right and she actually started to sleep a bit at night! Them being able to sit up by themselves is a good stage too. My dd would scream when laid flat so no pram, car seat (not upright enough) etc. It's hell, it really is. And you get the people saying 'aw I think she needs a cuddle' when you're out. Aghhhhhh!!!

What were the symptoms of the cmpa for your dd?

Omeprazole he is on max dose for his weight (and it gets adjusted every time he is weighed). We tried Ranitidine previously but it seemed to make him vomit. To be honest I think the omeprazole makes it harder for him to have a poo...which causes him quite a lot of Pain. I’m just not convinced on the reflux...he will happily play on his back for a while and I was told that he would do that with reflux if it was causing that much pain.

We were given dairy free formula - but it’s soya based - so it seems a bit daft to give that after being told by the consultant to give up dairy and soya. I’ll ask again at the next appointment and see what his weight is doing

When you say - grew out of it by 2 - did the crying stop before then and did sleep improve once the cmpa and reflux were under control?

Sorry if this is staying the obvious, but have you tried giving calpol+ibuprofen? Could be teething at this age. If painkillers give relief then that would indicate something other than colic. My dsis had kidney issues as a baby for example.

I had colic dd1 and what helped us was a rocking swing and slings, I will try and find the link. Then agree a rota with dp, I used to feel slightly human if I slept 9-11pm and 6-8am... Earplugs required!

Thanks. You just answered my question.

See my little one doesn’t scream in the pram or car seat and doesn’t hate being flat. He will sleep on his back (just not all the time). That’s why I’m so sure if it is reflux it isn’t the main cause of his crying.

People do look at me as if I am not trying hard enough to calm my child. But when you know nothing will calm them what can you do?!

www.amazon.co.uk/Graco-Ziggy-Zebra-Loving-Swing/dp/B00B7UNRDY?tag=mumsnetforum-21

Would buy us 30 min+ break from pacing halfway duty.

www.daisybabyshop.co.uk/mei-tai-slings/mei-tai-sling-black-multi-polka-dots/?gclid=CjwKCAiA9qHhBRB2EiwA7poaePen596lPwelv_pDrdTYpWJ0C_C2D8wgwoeMnBg7-mTh10nKbOKTnRoCc3IQAvD_BwE

My lifesaving sling!

Thanks. We did use calpol after his first set of jabs. But I guess he was uncomfortable from the jabs to know if it helped with his other issues. I’ll speak to the paediatrician about it.

My husband does the 9-3am shift and I take over then. But obviously have to feed during this time as even if I express milk we find he only really wants to be breastfed at night. Earplugs are a must! I almost forgot to bring them with me for a stay at my parents...*mit would have been the end of the world.

Thanks for the links. I’ll take a look. 😊

The screaming lessened a lot when we got the silent reflux meds right at 10 months. But it sounds like that might not be your ds' issue. I think you're right to not use the soya formula yet. For bad nights I did give nurofen or calpol and it did sometimes help a bit. When my dd is overdue a poo she tends to have an awful night. It's so hard trying to work out what's wrong with them!

I think when you're out with a screaming baby most people have sympathy, but you as a parent always feel like a shit mum being judged. I remember being in the queue at a cafe (had taken me 2 hours to walk there with screaming dd instead of the expected 20 but I refused to give in) and a random lady bought me a cup of tea and told me to go sit down. I'm welling up now remembering that as that was one of my shittest memory that walk, but it shows how people do have sympathy. On the way home I bumped into a new mum friend who suggested I give dd a cuddle. Aghhhhh. You keep going out, don't let it stop you.

You have my sympathy. My baby screamed constantly until about 11.5 weeks, then gradually less and less. Hopefully you will turn a corner soon. Don't underestimate having a forceful let down either, I really feel that contributed alot to the 'colic' - in retrospect I think baby was also hungry but was struggling to eat because it was coming out so quickly and getting upset, gulping in air. Does baby take a bottle? Have you tried expressing?

Drowsy but awake IMO is pure bullshit. I have never achieved this with either of my DC. Always fed to sleep. Sorry if this has been asked but will he take a dummy? My first DD had reflux and CMPA which she grew out of around 12 months. But all day crying stopped around 4 months. If I could hug you right now I would. You sound amazing and your DH sounds amazing too. It is the HARDEST thing ever having a little one poorly. As if the hormones and post natal anxiety aren’t enough to contend with. Be kind to yourself. I PROMISE in a few months he’ll be running around and clapping and singing and these early days will be behind you. Take it day by day, heck I used to take it hour by hour. Well done you.

Thanks seven201 - super helpful.

Im always surprised by the kindness of strangers. Just have to hang on to those moments and ignore the people who look at you as if you are evil when your baby continues to scream in your arms.

Thanks Haz1516. He will take a bottle of expressed milk every so often but doesn’t quite understand how to do it and then ends up very windy. I tend to use it as a last resort when I know he needs food but have refused all attempts.

Thank you so much thewinehasgonetomyhead. It is so very hard but hopefully we will turn that corner soon because it’s so upsetting.

He will take a dummy but it only really helps with getting him off for a nap. At night he spits it out and wakes up. Plus the Hv told me off for using it saying it was probably why he won’t breastfeed - which I didn’t really understand because I only use it when I know he is clearly overtired and needs a sleep.

Every time I speak to someone about it I get the whole ‘is it your first’ or ‘are you feeling low and hopeless’. To be honest i don’t think it makes a difference if it’s the tenth - if they cry all day long it is unbearable. I don’t feel hopeless - I don’t think things could get worse (touch wood) so at least I have some hope that soon I can enjoy being a mother a little more.

You definitely will enjoy being a mother soon. It is definitely worth it. I had a crap pregnancy and everyone told me that would mean I'd get an 'easy baby'. Ha! But... although I wouldn't describe my dd as an 'easy toddler' (they don't exist) she's a lot better than a lot I've met. She's very happy generally. Have faith that you ds will turn that corner.

Thanks seven201 - you’ve really helped. My pregnancy was somewhere in the middle - I basically didn’t sleep for the entire last trimester so at least the small amount of sleep I get now seems like an improvement.

I was always worried I would be bored on mat leave. Oh how I laugh at my former self now. No time for boredom when the baby is screaming in your face.

The small glimmers of happiness we see from the little one are such happy moments and he is very chatty in between the screams so I’m confident he has a cracking little personality just waiting to get out when we work out what’s bothering him so much.

It is really tough, you are doing everything you can. We had the same and it was pure torture. We had no help from friends or family, everyone wanted to get away from the screaming baby! I found it very isolating. For us the cause was CMPI/A and things settled down about a month after I had stopped eating dairy and soya. I also cut out fish as I noticed a relationship there too. One thing I did notice was that I could tell when I had accidentally ingested hidden dairy (eg. In some bread) as DD would cry non stop for days afterwards. She outgrew it at about 18 months. All the doctors told me I was imagining it because I was anxious, it was my first etc. In your situation I might try and get a more definitive check re. Tongue tie, as it can be very difficult to spot. We had success with white noise, running the buggy over bumps and bouncing on a gym ball while wearing the sling. Good luck.

Thanks - I could not imagine doing this alone. You have so much respect from me.

I’ve been so cautious with the whole dairy thing - to the point where I read every single packet and the crying is so non stop I’d have to be ingesting dairy every day without realising.

I got a lactation consultant to check the tongue tie and he has such good movement of his tongue they just don’t think there is a hard to spot posterior one.

Thanks for the gym ball tip. I’ll try that next. Good for the post pregnancy core I suppose.

You have been very proactive getting everything checked properly, and you are doing your best for your DC. It's horrible when you feel that they are in pain and you have tried everything. Definitely try the gym ball, and lots of quick changes work well. My baby used to like being draped over my arm, rocked to very loud music with a rhythm to it (old school garage was her favourite) !!

I really feel for you - DS1 now 16 was like this and got better around 5 months. We never really got to the bottom of things, but looking back after having Ds2, now 12 I know there were reflux issues and a tongue tie. I just kept getting told that babies cry a lot and that I was a neurotic first time mum!!! I really thought it was my fault until DS2 came along and was soooooo different. I will say though that DS1 continues to be ‘high needs’ and us still a bit of a drama queen, but that’s his personality!!! I used to wrap up in a sling or pushchair and walked for miles. Lost 2.5 stone in the first 6 months and the crying isn’t so overwhelming when you are out in the fresh air. Have you tried a hypoallergenic formula like Nutramigen? Big hugs x

It honestly sounds like you're doing a wonderful job I'm very difficult circumstances. It WILL be just a phase - everything is -so please don't feel like everything is utterly bleak forever. I say this as the Mum of a child (my youngest) who would only settle with me, breastfed every 2 hours until he was well over 6 months old, and woke every two hours at night until fairly recently (he's now 2 and still doesn't sleep though).

I have a friend who's eldest had colic and would scream for 4+ hours every night. It was soul destroying for her but improved massively after about 12 weeks. It turned out that he had a milk allergy - not sure if it was CMPA or lactose but he's almost outgrown it now at 4 years. Not necessarily the same issues your son has but just an example that time heals all things.

Hang in there OP.

Thank you all so much! It’s so helpful to know that others have been here and survived. It’s so hard when the friends I have or the people I have met through antenatal classes all have perfectly ‘normal’ criers. I.e they cry so they are fed and mostly it chills them out and they go to sleep.

I read something the other day about accepting the baby you have instead of wishing you had the one you thought you would get. It’s funny really because I’m excellent at catastrophising and imagined all sorts of terrible scenarios once the baby arrived but funnily I never quite imagined this chaos...! Goes to show there is no point in worrying.

We’ve got some of the hypoallergenic formula and might give it a go if he continues to drop centiles

Honestly though - huge thanks. I really didn’t expect such an outpouring of support. 😊

We can all sympathise because we've all been in that desperate, clueless situation in one way or another. My eldest wouldn't breastfeed, my youngest wouldn't sleep. They both drove me to absolute despair sometimes but it's totally manageable now they're a bit older and I'm a bit wiser.

We're all cheering you on from the sidelines ☺️.