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Original poster

Social Services involvement

29 replies

mummyp3e3 · 26/12/2018 21:11

Hi,

I am a ftm to a nearly 14 week old girl. I've been in an relationship with my partner for nearly 3 years and it's progressively got more abusive as time as gone on. He's controlling, and emotionally and mentally abusive, he gaslights me and also stonewalls when we argue knowing it drives me mad. During my pregnancy we had a number of arguments where the neighbours called the police, who in turn involved my midwife and I received a call from social services. Tonight he's raised his voice to me and slammed doors all in front of our baby girl :( our baby is so beautiful and I just love her so so much but she's been relentlessly crying today and we don't know why, I have the patience to deal with it and give her love and comfort because she's just an innocent little baby who needs that from her parents but he just gets angry and cannot deal with the crying. I'm scared the neighbours have called the police again, because I'm sure that means social services will be involved. Will they take my baby away if the police come? I'm not worried if they come and take him away! But I just don't want anyone to touch my baby as she needs me and when it's just us she's happy and has her routine in the day. Can anyone advise on social services involvement in abusive relationships where babies are involved? I'm biding my time at the moment and saving up as much as I can to break free.

OP posts:
Dermymc · 26/12/2018 21:12

Call the police yourself and get him gone.

Minionrush · 26/12/2018 21:13

Ring the social your self , it looks better coming from you as it shows you are to put your baby’s saftey first . They can help you move house too x

Minionrush · 26/12/2018 21:14

If you’ve rang the police yourself it will go in your favour x

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 26/12/2018 21:15

Have you spoken to anyone from your local women's aid?
They can support and link in with social services if need be

Hotchocolate18 · 26/12/2018 21:16

Sometimes it social services think you're going to stay with an abuser then they could take you DD away for her own good. You need to get away from this man and not go back. For the sake of yourself and your DD. Do you want her growing up thinking this is normal? Also if he ever hurt your DD you will never forgive yourself.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 26/12/2018 21:16

SS will help and support you to get out of this abusive relationship. There is no threat to you as long as you take their advice seriously and show that you only care about keeping your child safe.
I agree that you should call them yourself, so you are seen to be taking positive steps towards changing the situation.

picklemebaubles · 26/12/2018 21:16

If you show them that you put your baby first, that you will stay away from him, then they will want to keep you together. Where can you go? Will he leave?

picklemebaubles · 26/12/2018 21:17

You have to show you want to protect her, and will do as they say.

Adviceandguidanceneeded · 26/12/2018 21:17

Social services will want to see that you are keeping your baby safe from witnessing DV , I personally would call the police yourself and get him out !

Sinisers · 26/12/2018 21:17

They can help you move house too

Not true. This is not their job. If you're in need of housing, they can advise you to go to your council's housing department to register for council housing. They will not be responsible for housing you.

Hotchocolate18 · 26/12/2018 21:17

Also if you're scared of him ring woman's aid. They will help direct you to a local refuge? That's what I did and I got put into a refuge. After a few months I was then rehoused

Sarahandduck18 · 26/12/2018 21:19

Contact them yourself and say you want help to leave him.

DeloresJaneUmbridge · 26/12/2018 21:19

Hello OP, they wouldn't take your baby away unless they thought she was seriously at risk of ha from him...physical harm.

How certain are you that you and she are safe?

If you have any doubts then he needs to leave or you and baby do.

Do you have family you could go to away from him?

Original poster
mummyp3e3 · 26/12/2018 21:25

I'm scared of how nasty he will become after it all blows up, he's told me on occasions he'd have no hesitation in getting the courts involved. I could see him twisting everything and making out he's the victim :( I've actually dialled 111 from my phone when we had a terrible argument that resulted in him pushing me up against the bannister but I got scared it'd be traced back to me.

OP posts:
TigerQuoll · 26/12/2018 22:38

Do you have any family, parents or siblings, that you can go and stay with for a while? Some time away from him and some fresh perspective from them will probably help a lot.

hatgirl · 26/12/2018 22:46

111 would get you through to NHS direct (101 is the police non emergency number).

If you feel that way again please dial 999.

HappyHedgehog247 · 26/12/2018 22:50

Please don’t stay. Call women’s aid and the police. Even a refuge is better than a violent home. Record everything, including past incidents, as accurately as you can. X

NotANotMan · 26/12/2018 22:53

Social services wouldn't take your baby away, but if you don't take action to leave they WILL get to hear about it at some point and the longer you stay the more harmed your DD will be.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 26/12/2018 22:53

You need to leave right now. Ss will help the house you I am a practising sw. In this situation you sound like you need support from a refuge.

NotANotMan · 26/12/2018 22:54

Social services definitely wouldn't house them in my area. Don't promise things that aren't true. It would be an emergency housing application and if appropriate a refuge.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 26/12/2018 23:18

I said help house. I assume your area has marac and so on

NotANotMan · 26/12/2018 23:19

Yes of course. But we don't help to house, just signpost

Queenofthedrivensnow · 26/12/2018 23:24

Really depends on the case. However joint working with housing is more than common place in my authority.

Fabaunt · 27/12/2018 09:18

Why are you putting your child in danger by having her around that aggressive behaviour

Pandamodium · 27/12/2018 09:23

It won't get better and he could actually kill you.

I stayed 4 year until he did half kill me with some shitty view of us being a proper family as he was my DD's biological dad. It's the thing I'm most ashamed of in my life (I've done counselling and courses and all sorts) putting my DD through it. I so wish I could turn back the clock but I can't.

Listen to what posters on here tell you, you know it's wrong.

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