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Original poster

Contact blocked.

41 replies

CMcallen · 22/12/2018 11:41

Hi Guys,

I’m at my wits end. My Husband has a 9 year old Daughter with his ex (never married) and they broke up 6 years ago after she moved another man in to his house while he was away on a course.

We have been to court for a child arrangement order (2016) which she constantly breaches, we are therefore going back to court in the new year yet again at our cost.

Over the last month his ex has blocked all contact. She has also contacted the CSA and told them the court order states he can take his Daughter to another city which is not the case. The CSA looked at the order and agreed there should be no changes in payments.

He is due to have his Daughter this Christmas. He finally got to speak with her last night and she told him she doesn’t want to see him anymore ss he has anger issues! He is the most laid back guy you have ever met!

He is absolutely gutted as you can imagine. Is there anyway Cafcass will get before this gets to court? Or maybe contact the CSA? I don’t know what to do anymore. Help!

OP posts:
MissMalice · 22/12/2018 11:44

The CSA aren’t going to help with contact issues..?

In my experience CAFCASS are very slow.

What do you want to happen “before court”? Has your DH made an application to court already? Do you have a hearing date?

Original poster
CMcallen · 22/12/2018 12:28

I know that but it’s my view that she is blocking contact so that she can tell them he isn’t having his Daughter overnight so that she can claim more.

All the papers are in but everything is shit down until the new year so we have no hearing date as yet.

OP posts:
Original poster
CMcallen · 22/12/2018 12:29

Whoops... *shut down...!!!

OP posts:

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9 year olds Family law General parenting Relationship problems
MissMalice · 22/12/2018 12:29

The CSA won’t change the payment amounts unless/until the court order is changed. All he can do now is sit tight until the hearing.

Gravel1 · 22/12/2018 12:33

Yep sit tight and wait for the hearing you have put it in the hands of the court just a shame it takes so long.

Re ref to anger issues. Any idea what this relates to would be unfortunate to be ambushed at court at the last moment.

Def take further legal advice assuming you have done so - if not do so.

Original poster
CMcallen · 22/12/2018 12:49

Brainwashing I would think, there is no anger issue and never has been.. The ex has previously made malicious allegations to Police, she’s capable of anything in all honesty.

It’s just so frustrating with the timeframes and costs when we are doing nothing wrong. It’s not fair on anyone, especially his Daughter. She adores her Dad but goes along with it for a quiet life.

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MissMalice · 22/12/2018 12:52

His best bet is to refute the allegations (the onus is on her to prove them). Do not raise the issue of maintenance being a motivation at the hearing, that never goes down well.

In future he could go into the court and push for an emergency hearing.

Original poster
CMcallen · 22/12/2018 13:12

We did ask about that as we had a feeling Christmas was going to be an issue but they said that they don’t offer emergency hearings for variations or enforcements. I was quite surprised by that.

Sadly he has resigned himself to the fact that he won’t see her until sometime next year and that’s if she even agrees. We are taking all the clothes back we bought for Christmas because we have no idea how long it will be until we see her. Sad

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Fabaunt · 22/12/2018 18:25

It’s none of your business, so be careful with the “we” part. It’s between him the child and the other parent. If the child at 9 doesn’t want to see him there’s not much that can be done until he gets to court

Fabaunt · 22/12/2018 18:26

And for what it’s worth he should still send her her Christmas gift

Original poster
CMcallen · 22/12/2018 21:39

He's my Husband and is devastated so yes it is my business and how dare you comment and be so rude. Plus your comment about a Christmas gift is odd. Bit of a troll me thinks.

OP posts:
Smurfy23 · 22/12/2018 21:47

I'd still give the gift, for what it's worth. Or at least a gift. It's the gesture that counts in this instance and will have the most impact.

Original poster
CMcallen · 22/12/2018 22:23

Considering he doesn't know where his own child lives that is looking unlikely which is so sad as there are presents galore from all the family.. Everyone is gutted..

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Fabaunt · 23/12/2018 10:36

Wait now, you’re posting for opinions and advice on the situation. You are nothing to the child so no, it is absolutely nothing to do with you. This is between the parents and the child. You need to understand that. Just like if he ever leaves you and gets with another woman, she’ll have no say or right to stick her nose in between you him and the child you have together. This is not your fight, make no mistake about that.

As for the gift, no I’m not a troll. Your husband is an adult and a parent. His main priority should be his child, not withdrawing gifts because he is disappointed. The child needs to know her dad still loves her, that’s why I think she should still receive a gift. You seem very domineering

Original poster
CMcallen · 23/12/2018 11:13

Read the above post about him not having an address for her. The title of the thread is 'Contact blocked so getting a gift to her will clearly be difficult.

I couldn't be further from domineering. After three years of malicious allegations to the police, harassment, thousands of pounds of court fees and seeing the person I love upset on a regular basis forgive me for being somewhat at the end of my tether.

This is the first time I have posted on this site, your comments haven't helped. They have merely upset and angered me. If your sole purpose is to offend me and not offer any productive advice then I would suggest you stop commenting.

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Original poster
CMcallen · 23/12/2018 11:16

And also, you are the person banging on about withdrawing gifts. Taking clothes back because they may not for in several months is a practicality. There are many gifts wrapped up under the tree and they will remain that way until contact is resumed. You have also made the assumption that we have a child together which we don't.

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Fabaunt · 23/12/2018 11:54

Excuse me, I commented on you withdrawing gifts after you mentioned you were returning the items that he bought. With all due respect, it’s not your issue to be upset about. It’s him that’s had his access to his child revoked. It’s the child that’s losing out, not you, not him. The child’s immediate situation is a little more complex and important than “everyone being gutted”.

Original poster
CMcallen · 23/12/2018 11:59

With all due respect your comments aren't helping so I would again ask you to stop.

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Fabaunt · 23/12/2018 12:21

Sorry, you don’t get to domineer where or what I post. I’m being civil.

Original poster
CMcallen · 23/12/2018 12:26

Making cutting and personal comments is not being civil. I've made it very clear that your posts aren't helping and are upsetting. As I said I am not domineering.

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IloveBaileysCheesecake · 23/12/2018 12:30

I agree with Fabaunt tbh. You do sound domineering and interfering. Heshould have been pro active in ensuring Christmas contact was arranged and agreed long before now. As for the child not wishing to see him, well, that's her choice and something that you nor him can change. To force that issue will do more harm than good imo. You appear more concerned at taking gifts back then fostering a loving relationship between your DH and his DD tbh.

Original poster
CMcallen · 23/12/2018 12:38

It was arranged. There is a court order that his ex is breaching. I'm am not interfering or domineering. I have never once got involved or contacted his ex despite her bad mouthing all over social media. I posted on here for advice not for people to make nasty and malicious comments about my character. I'm 38 years of age and far too long in the tooth to 'domineer' anything. For two complete strangers to make that assumption astounds me.

Taking back clothes that may not fit her in a few months time is a practicality and they will be replaced in due course! The brand new iPad and other gifts are staying where they are. Please stop being so horrible to a person who is clearly already upset for their Husband. You have no idea what people are feeling so be kind.

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ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 23/12/2018 12:40

I disagree that a stepparent is nothing to the child. The situation affect you, your husband and your family, I can’t see why you’re being told it’s nothing to do with you.

FWIW I think you’re approaching it the only way you can, and I hope there is some kind of positive resolution soon.

Fabaunt · 23/12/2018 12:46

The step parent has absolutely no business sticking their nose in between court orders and custody agreements. When these issues go to court it’s the parents who are up, not the spouses of each parent. If on good terms, they can become close to the child but given the child doesn’t want anything to do with her father, I’d be focusing on this rather than “we” and “us” because there is no “we” and “us” when standing in front of the judge and rightly so.

Hissy · 23/12/2018 12:50

Can all those tempted to trot out the “it’s not your business” just all fuck off? It’s not helpful, it’s not actually accurate and it’s inappropriate.

The op is asking for support because she IS very much involved in a situation that’s stressful to her household. She IS married to the child’s father - which is more than the child’s mother ever was - so in terms of heirarchy, op has a right to be involved in her family’s business.