How would you have dealt with 4 year old?

[marmaladecats]

We had a nice time in the park this morning with 4.2 year old and 1 year old sibling. We decided to go for happy meals in McDonalds (massive treat, first time ever for DS,4) After the food was ready the baby started hearing hers, DS complained his fish fingers were too hot so I broke one into pieces to cool it down faster. At home I often break his food into pieces to cool it down.
This resulted in a screaming rage and tantrum. He kicked me arouns6 times unde the table with his wellies on (ouch). Was v rude to DH. As he wouldn’t stop shouting/kicking DH took him back to the car. He scratched DH quite badly on the cheek in the process. After the baby had finished her food I joined them at the car. We’ve been really struggling with his behaviour the past couple of months.
My question is how would you have dealt with this once home? Punishment? DS was still in a rage once at home, yelling and screaming. I’m at a loss on how to deal with this and feel like whatever we try isn’t stopping this crap.

@Sethos OR it teaches them that Mummy is willing to physically hurt them. That hitting is an appropriate response. That physical violence is normal. That they deserve to have people hurting them.

What if your DC grow up to be in an abusive relationship? How do you expect them to recognise that they deserve better and that it’s not ok if you’ve taught them that if someone hits you, you were asking for it, and it’s a consequence that you must have brought about somehow?

Maybe if more parents did that, we wouldn't have so many nasty little feckers who think they can bully and hit other kids without any consequences.

What a load of bull. My dd has never been hit by me or any of her family and She would never dream of hitting another child. This is because we have taught her that hitting is wrong. Her teachers couldn't be happier with her behaviour, so she is behaving whilst away from us too. Our response if she were to hit us when she was younger was to stop everything we were doing, go very quiet but firm and tell her it isn't ok. I would also ask her if any of us had ever hit her, which she would say no, and then I would ask her why it is ok to hit us then? I would also ask her how she would feel if we did hit her. She would reply that she would be scared and upset. I would then leave her to think. She only ever hit us twice and has never hit another child. She couldn't be further from a bully and doesn't even hit back when provoked because it isn't in her nature. You justify however you want the fact that you are happy to hurt your children, but you aren't convincing anyone.

That's an awful lot of extrapolation there, @FenellaMaxwellsPony.

I don't agree at all, in fact I feel it's exactly the opposite. I've taught her right from a toddler that it's not ok to hit, kick, bite etc, and that nobody should be expected to put up with you hurting them, even if they love you.

Hitting sometimes is an appropriate response in life - if someone physically attacks you, I think it is absolutely fine to defend yourself. That's why I've made sure DD studied martial arts from the age of 7. It's a sad fact of life that physical violence is quite normal among humans, and I think knowing that you can physically defend yourself means that you are less likely to get into that situation in the first place. I think that's the polar opposite of teaching her that she deserves to be hurt.

if you’ve taught them that if someone hits you, you were asking for it, and it’s a consequence that you must have brought about somehow?

If you deliberately hit/kick someone, even after they've warned you what the consequence will be, you are asking for it. It's not rocket science to learn that if you hit someone, you are likely to bring about the consequence that they hit you back. A toddler can learn that pretty quickly.

Well that's peachy, @Stormwhale - I wouldn't have smacked her in that scenario, either.

Sethos can you really not see how absurd the following situation is?

Child - hits parent.
Parent - "no! you are not allowed to hit!"
Child - hits parent again.
Parent - "no! You don't hit! If you do it again I will hit you back."
Child - hits again.
Parent - hits child. "No! You don't hit!"

But that's not what I said to her, @Stormwhale.

First time ever in McDonalds after a morning at the park. Sensory overload?
Upset because his food was too hot to eat so had to wait - add to frustration/sensory aspect of being hungry

Upset over change in nursery - because his routine changed?

Can rage/scream for an hour or more when upset. What are these episodes like for him, op? Is he constantly looking at you for your attention? Would they stop if you gave him something he favoured? how is he after the "tantrums" (I hate that word)