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Original poster

NCT friend’s constant bragging

44 replies

Nutbutter · 03/12/2018 08:08

I have a good group of friends from NCT. Our babies are 8 months and we’ve met up weekly since they were born. The problem is that one of them just brags incessantly about her baby and it’s starting to drive me
mad! Any subject whatsoever will come round to how amazing her baby is, except usually in the form of a fake complaint/humble brag (eg I just don’t know how I’m ever going to be able to shower now my baby can crawl sooooo early, it’s soooo tough). I hate comparing babies (since it’s all meaningless!) and made a promise to myself that I would never show off about my own. I think part of why this is annoying me so much is because she’s not playing by my (secret and self imposed) rules, and also because I don’t talk about what my own baby is doing so she doesn’t know, which leads to more bragging as she thinks hers is the only one who can do Xyz.

I know I should just try to rise above it but the annoyance has been building for months to the point where I dread seeing her. I don’t want to be bitchy so I’ve never mentioned it to anyone else in the group and no idea if they feel the same, though one of the babies has a developmental delay so I imagine it must really get to his mum.

What should I do? Just continue to ignore? Avoid her? Say something direct or PA?!

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museumum · 03/12/2018 08:12

Your friend sounds annoying but your rule sounds off too. Surely the whole point of an nct group is to talk about the minutiae of baby life so you don’t have to bore other friends?

Original poster

Nutbutter · 03/12/2018 08:23

i do talk about my baby a lot of course, but I don’t broadcast when she does something new, especially when I know none of the others are yet.

OP posts:

Crimbobimbo · 03/12/2018 08:35

I had a NCT friend like this. Said her toddler was potty trained early when she was wetting herself several times a day. I just used to smile and nod. She doesn't do it now at five years.

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ChilliMum · 03/12/2018 08:35

Just shut her down. Be prepared with a topic and as soon as she does the whole stealth boast just 'ah don't worry about that it's perfectly normal / we all go through it' etc followed by a swift 'did anyone see x on the news / see x movie at the weekend' etc.

Even if it doesn't stop her you will reduce her boasting time.

I had a similar friend

poodlespoodles · 03/12/2018 09:24

I don't like wonder babies either.

My friends wonder babies are 13,11 and 7.

I cannot watch another video of their achievements. So I choose not to see her because it always happens!

Sleeplikeasloth · 03/12/2018 12:49

Are you sure it is deliberate bragging though, rather than just her talking about her life now?

My baby was 'that baby' from our nct. She sat up first, crawled first, walked when most weren't crawling.

I didn't deliberately brag, but when I posted photos /videos (like everyone else did) , then it's very apparent what she can do. I don't think people should have to hide it, and surely it's ok for people to get excited about, for example, first steps whether they are at 9 months or 15 months.

Polkasq · 03/12/2018 12:55

She's just talking about her baby and thinks all of you are doing the same. It doesn't mean she is making negative comparisons.

Twickerhun · 03/12/2018 13:06

We have one of those in my nct group too. She doesn’t realise how it comes across. Just ignor it.

Lasagnefordinner · 03/12/2018 13:12

Oh god I used to live next door to one of these. Our babies were the same age too. I stopped being friends with her after a while as the bragging about everything and nothing was too irritating.

BluthsFrozenBananas · 03/12/2018 13:15

There will always be a parent who doesn’t realise that their offspring isn’t as exciting or amazing to the rest of the world as they are to them. For you right now it’s baby milestones, in the future it’ll be potty training, book bands, music grades, sports teams and so on. Smile, nod and change the subject is the only thing to do really.

IdblowJonSnow · 03/12/2018 13:15

I was one of these! Just very proud of my baby and didn't realise what a bellend I was being! Tbf I also was the first to say I struggled being a mum and no one else did which also grated on me! So maybe I was over compensating. Could this mum be doing the same?

DinoGreen · 03/12/2018 13:16

We had one of these too. 7 month olds - “Is anyone else’s baby starting to talk? I think James [not his real name] said I love you back to me the other day!”
We don’t see her anymore ...

SleepingStandingUp · 03/12/2018 13:20

My baby can do X, oh yours isn't yet is she. Never. Mind, some babies are just skower
Abd
Gosh, has she only just done than, X could do that before she was even concieved

My baby can do X
And
Oh how wonderful yours is walking /talking etc

There's a huge difference and as a mum of a small person with development delay I can feel the difference between sharing and being a cow. I wanted to know when my friends kids did stuff, and whilst I still have moments of its not fair, I think the main thing was my friends just being excited when we did do stuff rather than dismissive.

Might be worth thinking about whether she's showing off and comparing or just sharing and if it's the latter what is getting to you? Her kid being ahead or your self imposed rules?

Holidayshopping · 03/12/2018 13:22

All of my NCT were like this and I had the same self imposed rule as you because it’s VERY boring to listen to! I was more likely to attempt to tell a funny story about the fact I hasn’t slept properly for 9 weeks than bore on about baby achievements.

I did laugh though one day at about 8 months when they were all comparing when their baby crawled and my DD just stood up and walked across the room-I hadn’t said to them that she’d started walking. One of them stopped speaking to me entirely after that. They were all potty trained at 2, whereas DD took ages, so it’s not like she was some developmental genius or anything, but they were just v boring about it.

I don’t seen them any more and have lovely friends from a different group.

flumpybear · 03/12/2018 13:22

It's called Baby Olympics!

You'll find there are things their baby does way after everyone else - just the way it works! Mine were both physical quickly (5 months crawling and 11 and 12 months walking... nightmare) but one didn't talk til way into her 2's and the other was just as late with sleep, teeth, babbling took a while then his speech came on so quickly you could have a decent conversation with him at around 16-18 months (may be wrong here it was 5 years ago!)
They're all different and fast at some things and slow st others

Haworthia · 03/12/2018 13:23

This is why I never did NCT. 1) because I wasn’t paying hundreds for the privilege of finding some middle class mum friends and 2) because it fosters neurotic, endless comparisons of babies (also 3) I’m an antisocial cow).

I once sat in a baby signing class (I used to get ignored because 75% of the class belonged to the same NCT group) listening to three women talk about the relative properties of door bouncers vs. Jumperoos.

Becky says she’s just bought a Jumperoo and it’s great. Oh really? I just can’t decide what to get. Well, Jane says they both serve different purposes and was going to get both....

Neither Becky nor Jane did baby signing, but it was obvious they were other members of their group. Meanwhile, I’m sitting there trying to keep at straight face at these women having such boring yet intense conversations about baby equipment

thinkingcapon · 03/12/2018 13:28

Hawthoria I'm a bit offended by your comments to be honest! As I'm sure lots of other folk will be who did Nct.....!

I'm none of things you described. I couldn't give a flying fuck about what "class" you are and I'm pretty sure which ever baby class you'll go to you'll get some Mum wankers who didn't meet through Nct!

Op there was one of these girls in my group. I just distanced myself from her , once she was back at work never heard from her x

SleepingStandingUp · 03/12/2018 13:53

1) because I wasn’t paying hundreds for the privilege of finding some middle class mum friends weird generalisation. Would say ours was fairly even split between middle and working class.

2) because it fosters neurotic, endless comparisons of babies but you didn't do it so you don't. Know. All you know is second hand experiences where people tend to talk about the bad more than the good.
Some of ours are on top second babies. Are conversations are about engorged nipples, second child guilt, whatever bug is going round and how little sleep we have, offers to do some chores to help out one of the mums who've just had another, shared panic over school admissions.

(also 3) I’m an antisocial cow) fair enough

BlancheM · 03/12/2018 14:09

I'd think she was struggling rather than bragging if she keeps complaining about things even if she makes it sounds faux or light hearted.

This is one reason I never bother with these groups or classes though. I only like or find interesting, my own kids. I have no interest is swapping stories or cooing over other people's!

Original poster

Nutbutter · 03/12/2018 15:12

@sleeplikeasloth did you read my OP - she’s definitely not just talking about her baby in the way we all do. She actually said “it’s so hard having a baby that’s just so advanced because no one understands what it’s like for me” for example. And actually (a) hers isn’t advanced, just normal and (b) mine and the other babies are all doing the same things as her baby so it’s not even true!

I think I need to just try and block it out. It’s getting worse as they get older though.

OP posts:

user1493413286 · 03/12/2018 15:16

I don’t think there is much you can do unfortunately; one of my NCT friends was like that and would often over estimate what her baby was doing. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt in wondering if she was privately a bit insecure/over anxious and was covering it up or trying to reassure herself that she was doing ok by doing it.

thehorseandhisboy · 03/12/2018 15:21

If they're a good group of friends overall, and you value the time that you spend with them, you'll need to find a strategy to reduce your irritation and investment in her boasting, as she's not likely to change.

The group I was in had a woman like this. She really got my back up (more for the fact that she looked down on people than her bragging tbh, but they often went hand in hand). I decided to actively engage other people in conversations about their baby/what they did at the weekend etc and just not give her space in my head. It worked to a degree - I zoned out when she started, rather then remembering and chewing over each minute detail.

My lack of interest in her spared me the horror of their 'round robin' Christmas letter as well.

SleepingStandingUp · 04/12/2018 00:13

it’s so hard having a baby that’s just so advanced because no one understands what it’s like for me
Honestly honey you're worrying over nothing, she sounds exactly average from what you've said!

INeedNewShoes · 04/12/2018 00:17

Every group has one of these in my experience. It's tedious. It depends on how enjoyable their company is in other respects as to whether it's a worthwhile friendship. I mean, surely they'll grow out of the bragging at some point?

0lgaDaPolga · 04/12/2018 09:10

My entire nct group were like this and I found it incredibly boring and quite irritating. As a result I’ve distanced myself from the group. I’m still in touch but I’d rather make friends and spend time with people that have better things to talk about than constantly comparing our babies in a competitive way. Any chance she is going back to work soon? The constant meet ups ended as soon as my group all went back.

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