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Original poster

NCT friend’s constant bragging

44 replies

Nutbutter · 03/12/2018 08:08

I have a good group of friends from NCT. Our babies are 8 months and we’ve met up weekly since they were born. The problem is that one of them just brags incessantly about her baby and it’s starting to drive me
mad! Any subject whatsoever will come round to how amazing her baby is, except usually in the form of a fake complaint/humble brag (eg I just don’t know how I’m ever going to be able to shower now my baby can crawl sooooo early, it’s soooo tough). I hate comparing babies (since it’s all meaningless!) and made a promise to myself that I would never show off about my own. I think part of why this is annoying me so much is because she’s not playing by my (secret and self imposed) rules, and also because I don’t talk about what my own baby is doing so she doesn’t know, which leads to more bragging as she thinks hers is the only one who can do Xyz.

I know I should just try to rise above it but the annoyance has been building for months to the point where I dread seeing her. I don’t want to be bitchy so I’ve never mentioned it to anyone else in the group and no idea if they feel the same, though one of the babies has a developmental delay so I imagine it must really get to his mum.

What should I do? Just continue to ignore? Avoid her? Say something direct or PA?!

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OnlyFoolsnMothers · 04/12/2018 10:30

it will pass, wait until the tantrums start and she realises her child is like everyone elses. Ultimately the group will fade anyway as people go back to work, have more babies, get busier etc...you will take the friendships you want to keep onwards. No good can come of saying anything- grin through it.

Lookingforadvice123 · 04/12/2018 10:35

Ye this is why I never fancied NCT. DH's cousin, who is lovely, was like this, and we're pregnant at the same time again. It did make me feel a bit rubbish I admit as I was very anxious when DS was in his first year, and he was slower to do many things eg crawling, walking (18 months!). I knew though that the cousin had a bit of a complex about how her DS had been born so I let it go. I always think that braggers are hiding insecurities. It quickly transpired that DS' big strength was speech (and sleep! God bless that child) and he's still better than many 3 year olds his age, but I have never bragged about it because as I'm much more comfortable in my "mum" role than I was when he was little.

Original poster

Nutbutter · 04/12/2018 10:44

Thanks for the replies. Yes, I guess I’m just going to have to try not to let it annoy me. It’s a shame that she lives closest to me of everyone in our group, and our babies are going to the same nursery and likely the same primary etc but I agree it will all change when we go back to work.

FWIW I have loved NCT in general, really enjoyed the classes and the group as a whole has been a fantastic support network. Part of the reason I’m pissed off about this is that I feel like she’s ruining an otherwise lovely thing!

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SleepingStandingUp · 04/12/2018 11:14

As pour destined to know her for years, I would gently say something. So when she says "oh Petunia is Re iting her 13 times table" simply agree and tell her yours is too, so "oh I know, Lercy started thst too, it's cute / annoying / hard isnt it"
If you do it on every comment where one of yours is she'll start to see her kid is average, average is fine and you'll make everyone's life easier.
Or she'll escalate "well Petunia does in in Mandarin backwards from 1300 whilst riding a unicycle she built herself

Unihorn · 04/12/2018 11:25

That would really annoy me. My sister did NCT and she slowly phased out these mothers over the months/years so I'm sure the same will happen to me.

FWIW mine crawled at 7 months and I do moan about it because it's highly inconvenient. I'm fairly certain I don't to it in a twatty way though. Especially as my baby is shit in many other ways (eating, sleeping, screaming etc).

Going off the subject, I can't see that NCT attracts anyone other than people with a fair bit of money, isn't it like £150?! (Preparing to be told otherwise as I was never interested)

thinkingcapon · 04/12/2018 13:30

Unihorn is £150 a "fair bit of money"?! I saved loads on cot/pram etc but getting second hand so chose to spend that on an nct course x

Haworthia · 04/12/2018 13:40

Going off the subject, I can't see that NCT attracts anyone other than people with a fair bit of money, isn't it like £150?!

That’s exactly my issue with it. The cost means that NCT groups only attract a certain “type” of pregnant woman (i.e. affluent, educated ones). Which, of course, is exactly the point.

1wokeuplikethis · 04/12/2018 13:41

Welcome to parenting! Unfortunately you make acquaintance with an awful lot of people simply because your kids are the same age. You go to baby groups or meet ups to get out of the house and socialise which is healthy but if you find a genuine friend through it that is sheer good luck, not a given.

My daughter started school last year and it seems bragging about whose walking/talking/not shitting their pants has evolved to bragging about how many after school activities they do/how advanced they are at maths homework/how fabulous the birthday parties can be.

It’s bloody boring and cringy.

Mimipee · 04/12/2018 13:53

Lol......I was so jealous of all my nct friends.....they all had there shit together and seemed to be doing a better job than me.....or so it seemed.......but now 7 years on it appears I must have looked like a right nob.....as I was so anxious to prove myself a good parent......and they actually didnt have their shit together ( we have talked about this as we have got to know each other better) I like friends that admit it's hard when it is and have a laugh with things......I tend to distance myself from braggy friends....its usually all fake....just nod...smile....
These nct groups are hard at first the only thing you have in common are babies and you probably wouldn't socialise with them normally.....I've actually have stayed in touch with mine 7 years on :) but were all a dab hand at this parenting thing now ;) and tell it like it is x

babysharkah · 04/12/2018 13:57

Thing is they're not really friends, its a bunch of women you've been brought together with because of one common thing.

Just ignore it if you want to see the others or drop out if you dont.

prunemerealgood · 04/12/2018 14:00

Ah, she'll grow out of it, she's just totally in the zone right now.

Not to say it isn't annoying, it is. My friend and I had babies at the same time and I have to say I lost respect for her as she was like this AND lost her sense of humour so I couldn't even be dry-witted about no sleep/sore nipples etc. It was hideous. She used to talk in the plural about her baby, as well.

"We've just started sleeping through! Yay!"

EssentialHummus · 04/12/2018 14:26

I always think that braggers are hiding insecurities.

I agree with this. And yes, we have one of these in our group too - someone will post to say that Bob isn't talking/walking/chewing yet and she'll chime in that she can't help unfortunately because Mary sauntered out of her uterus dancing to Saturday Night Fever while chowing on a bagel. Ignore.

shouldidoitspoilt · 04/12/2018 14:38

It is annoying when they crawl and you want to shower

You'll see

Unihorn · 04/12/2018 16:22

thinkingcapon
Yes, it absolutely is a lot of money.

3in4years · 04/12/2018 19:04

Is it a British thing? That we hate to congratulate? So many people hope that the ones with the crawling babies are secretly struggling.
My ds crawled first of the NCT lot. All the others said it was because he was a boy. But his sisters crawled at the same age. Then as he got older and talked really well all the people I met at toddler group said that they are either talkers or movers... I just agreed as people hate to hear a child can be good at both. I didn't point out the crawling or talking. It was just noticeable.
But actually, one of the cleverest people I know, who is also very sporty, didn't crawl until 16 months so it just doesn't matter.
It just seems like people can't be happy/ indifferent. They want to know you're struggling in some way. Maybe that is why the OP's friend feels she has to qualify any achievement with a moan...
My ds is now 5 and good at some things, average at some things and not good at others...

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 04/12/2018 19:13

The British like to self deprecate - most of our humour is sarcasm. We tend to play on the negative of a situation so not to be seen as bragging

TigerQuoll · 04/12/2018 23:48

Australians too - tall poppy syndrome

Lookingforadvice123 · 05/12/2018 08:42

3in4years it's definitely a British thing but I think we also do it (well, some of us) to minimise the risk of others feeling bad, which can't be a bad thing? Eg my DS was/is a "talker", and when chatting about our kids to a friend whose DS is a couple of months older and behind with his speech, I pointed out that my DS didn't walk til 18 months when hers was walking earlier.

Original poster

Nutbutter · 05/12/2018 09:36

There’s a difference though between saying you’re proud of your baby for being able to do something, and going on and on at every opportunity about how much better your baby is than everyone else’s. This person does the latter. I’m not actually British btw.

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