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Original poster

bad mother alert!

26 replies

j20baby · 22/06/2007 22:32

i've had an awful evening with my dd, i put her to bed, and got ready to go for a bath, and she started straight away, i've had an awful day, am really tired, and just wanted some peace, i tried explaining to her that she can't keep getting out of bed for stupid reasons, and she should just leave me alone, or i'd end up smacking her, and if i did that, someone might come and take her away from me, i know what i said was awful, i just needed her to leave me alone for 5 minutes, then she was crying, i was crying and felt like smashing something, and she ended up ringing my friend to come round, i feel like such a failure. i'm 25 wks pg, on my own, and i've probably scarred her for life

please tell me this will get better

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sep1712 · 22/06/2007 22:40

oh hormones and life!!! have a good night sleep and chat with her tomorrow. Make sure she knows that its your problem not hers and you might find a bit more support from her maybe?? Set your expectations and stick to then. (a big bit of choccy might help) take care

mamabear2b · 22/06/2007 22:44

Poor you sounds like abit of a 'mare, you're obviously doing a fab job if your little one is clever enough to call your friend when she's unhappy I can only hope mine will be that resourceful when I lock him in the coal shed to get peace!!

Everyone has bad days and the fact that you are worried about how you reacted shows what a good mum you are otherwise you wouldn't care and certainly wouldn't bother posting tonight.

Keep your chin up, get your friend to watch her whilst you have a bath and have a lovely cuddle with her in the morning (your dd, not your friend!)

mummydoc · 22/06/2007 22:45

many of us feel like this - just look at the other thread, i told my dd1 i hated her tonight and tbh i meant it, i know i meant i truly hate her behaviour not her per se but that is how it came out, i often go back up stairs when she is asleep and sit by her bed and cry because i am sure all she will remember is her mummy screaming and crying at her. but i just try every day to keep calm and not cry and scream and remember she is only 7 and doesn't really behave like this to make my life harder, ( if it makes oyu feel better i have also told her to piss off, i have stopped the car and told her to get out and i cry most nights) she is never as bad with anyone else. apparently i is becasue they feel safest with you that htey can let their guard down and behave so badly .

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Original poster
j20baby · 22/06/2007 22:50

thanks everyone, it seems to be every night at the moment, but we've just moved house and i know the new baby is probably playing on her mind, but sometimes i'm just to tired to care how she feels, which makes me feel even more crap, and mummydoc, i've said more than piss off to her before, but i just can't help myself taking everything out on her, and its not fair. sorry, if i'm prob not making much sense, apart from how crap i am, think i need to sleep.

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sep1712 · 22/06/2007 22:54

sweet dreams, and if poss try and find some support nighty nighty

becklespeckle · 22/06/2007 22:54

You poor thing j20, I think they always know when you are having a rough day - those days are the ones when mine always seem to play up more. There are worse things you could do than explain to her how you are feeling and I doubt very much you will scar her at all. I second what sep1712 says about the choccie and chat.
I too often sit and cry by my DSs beds on days when I feel all I have done is tell them off. I also always apologise to them if I feel I have been unreasonable and explain to them why I was so cross.

becklespeckle · 22/06/2007 22:57

You are not crap j20, it is hard to cope with things when you are tired even without pg hormones whizzing round and moving house too. Don't be too hard on yourself hun x

Original poster
j20baby · 22/06/2007 23:00

i've said so many things to her that are probably going to cost me a fortune in shrinks in the future, like tonight, i said i'm only having this baby so she has a baby sister, which is actually 90% true, but now she's going to feel responsible for all of it, i lit up a cigarette earlier, and she said 'please don't smoke, i'll try not to stress you out anymore', it still didn't stop me having it though. i'm just doing so many things wrong at the moment, i feel in a crap situation and i don't see it getting better

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sep1712 · 22/06/2007 23:03

how old is dd?

Original poster
j20baby · 22/06/2007 23:10

7 going on 21, she acts and thinks older, which is another reason it is hard to remember that she is just a little girl. tonight, she was crying when i was crying, but it seemed like her fake, attention cry, i felt like she was enjoying the drama and the excuse to stay up longer, rather than her actually being upset, i don't know for sure though

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Original poster
j20baby · 22/06/2007 23:18

thanks for all your posts, i'm going to try and sleep and hopefully will feel better tommorrow

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mummydoc · 22/06/2007 23:19

oh j2o we do sound in similar positions, tonight my dd1 did try to make ammends and said sorry for being horrible but i couldn't bring myself to be anyhting but chilly back, what really gets me is the same old cycle of her being foul, me trying to sympathise , distract etc then cracking up and crying and saying loads of stuff i probably shouldn't and then her apologising, why does she not remember the next night and at least try to behave better? i have tried all the the chatting about how it upsets mummy when she is mean , and how i want us all to be happy together etc, but actually i agree i think she loves all the drama

sep1712 · 22/06/2007 23:22

i know its hard but if you can't do any thing else, keep to the old moto, never go to bed on a argument. Tell her everynight that you love her and a big kiss no matter what. hope this helps.

Original poster
j20baby · 23/06/2007 09:58

thanks everyone, i didn't sleep too well, but dd seems fine today, had a little chat with her, and she's going to her daddy's tonight so at least i'll get a break. phew!

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fryalot · 23/06/2007 10:04

hi J20 - only just seen this.

Did she sleep ok? You can have a nice nap this afternoon after she's gone.

In the meantime, get the kettle on, we'll be there in about an hour

Seriously, if you want me to take your dd with me to get my dd2's bike, give you a bit more of a rest, that will be fine.

Flumpybumpy · 23/06/2007 10:06

j20 - my DD is the same, I feel like crying most days. I do have a small tip for you, it won't help all th time but when you feel like you did with teh bath incident try squirting a couple of sprays of rescue remedy on your tongue. Someone else on here recommended it to me and it does help calm you down long enough to deal the situation rationally.

HTH

FB x

Pinkchampagne · 23/06/2007 10:16

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time, j20. As you know from my own thread, I can fully empathise as I am having similar struggles atm. It is hard work being a single parent, and you will also have a pregnancy to deal with.

How old is your DD? (apologies if you've already said!)

Original poster
j20baby · 23/06/2007 11:58

Hi thanks squonk, only just logged back on. she's going to her dads very soon, but thank you anyway.

FB where do you get it from? is it safe to use when pg? can i drink the bottle?!

PC she's 7, but likes to think she's older.

i'm a bit calmer today, probably because i know i've got the night to myself, i will try to calm myself down before screaming abuse at her in the future

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Pinkchampagne · 23/06/2007 15:26

My eldest son is also 7 years old. I think it is quite a challanging age!

Original poster
j20baby · 23/06/2007 15:29

hmm, age 2 through to 25 are challenging ages me thinks, hows it going with the chart pc?

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Pinkchampagne · 23/06/2007 16:22

Well yes I guess you're right there! I'm finding DS1 harder than ever atm though.

Today hasn't been too bad, so he has a couple of smiley faces.
Both boys have gone off with their dad now.

Have you tried any kind of behaviour charts with your DD?

Original poster
j20baby · 23/06/2007 19:23

I did a couple of years ago - for her spending money at an immenent fair and also for her bed time, which started at 7 and went earlier when she misbehaved and later when she was good, now i just take 10 minutes or so off when she's a pain, but it might be a good idea to dig it out again. the trouble is, i'm just so tired atm, i don't know if i could be consistent with it.

nice to get a bit of a break isn't it, although all i want do is sleep right now, but am going to try and get out for a bit, don't want to wate my evening.

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MaureenMLove · 23/06/2007 19:49

I had an absolute blazing row with dd (11) this morning and I still feel sh*t about it. Of course it wouldn't have been that bad if daddy was in the house at the time! She said some things that I never thought would come out of her mouth and I am completely ashamed at the way I handled it. She, on the other hand, seems to have completely forgotten it even happened! However, its pocket money day on Tuesday and I will remind her of the way she spoke to me and dock her money accordingly!

We all have bad times, its only natural and anyone who says 'oh my lo's would never do that' is living in a dream world! The fact that you were moved to post, means that you are a good mum and love her very much. You haven't scarred her for life, you've just taught her that mummy isn't going to stand for silliness. She's 7 - that's old enough to know that you need some time to yourself now and then.

Original poster
j20baby · 24/06/2007 19:28

thanks mmlove. i just can't wait for my tiredness to go away so i can deal with her better!

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Flumpybumpy · 24/06/2007 20:49

I got mine from Boots, it's herbal HERES A LINK TO THE WEBSITE I am not sure about preganncy but click the link and have a read.

FB x