Breastfeeding rant

[Nothisispatrick]

Just a rant really, no one to blame (except myself). Feel free to join.

DD is eight weeks and I absolutely hate breastfeeding her. She is combi fed but by this point it is 90% formula. When I try to breastfeed her she fights, cries and struggles. She has no patience to wait for the milk to come as she is used to the bottle so will start crying pretty much instantly. I use a nipple shield to help her latch but she flails her arms about and rips it off. I have to stop after a minute or so as I feel myself getting frustrated.

We introduced the bottle in hospital after a traumatic birth. My milk took five days to come in and I desperately needed sleep after a 50 hour labour and haemorrhage. If we had tried hard enough to wean her off the bottle when we got home I’m sure we could’ve done it, but I was poorly and DP did the night feeds (he still does and it’s not something I want to give up tbh).

I also pump. I do it religiously, if we are out all day I take a manual pump and do it in the car. At one point I was getting 30-50ml per pump and dd was getting two bottles of breast milk a day. My supply when pumping is now dropping. I get 10-20ml per pump and get about 100ml over a day. For the amount of time I spend pumping this really doesn’t feel worth it. I take fenugreek supplements, drink gross tea, eat oatmeal (porridge) for breakfast, mimic cluster feeding by stopping and starting over the course of an evening. Nothing helps.

I really want her to have breast milk. The two bottles a day was perfect and I’m gutted my supply is now so crap.DP is supportive but he wouldn’t really care if dd was 100% formula fed, I mean she basically is already.

I’m so frustrated by the whole thing. I don’t know what I want from posting it just feels good to write it all down.

Oh and I forgot to mention when she does successfully latch and start feeding, she falls asleep with in five minutes. Properly asleep not just dozing. We never have a decent feed, particularly not on both sides, one side if we’re super lucky.

www.nct.org.uk/baby-toddler/feeding/common-concerns/breastfeeding-concerns-problems-and-solutions

This website has quiet a few tips for feeding. What would your ideal feeding scenario be? Increasing supply is possible for most people, but can take time and a lot of pumping and time feeding. Do you have access to any breastfeeding councillors at all? You might be able to contact one through the nct or your health visitor. I hope you find the best way of feeding for you and your baby.

Also, there is no ‘blame’ here. Feeding is a massively emotive issue!

Massively quick post as Im off out, but could you begin expressing on the sofa, for a minute to get milk through then put baby on breast?

Can you do this when she isn't hungry?

Ideal would be to increase my supply enough to be able to express a decent amount of milk for dd to have from a bottle, I feel we are too far gone with the actual breastfeeding and both dd and I find it stressful.

I feel like I’ve read everything there is out there on increasing supply I watched some videos on breast massage to do during pumping that can increase output by 46%. It hasn’t done anything so far but I’ve only been doing it a day.

Skatersbeskating

I did try this this afternoon and it did help, but then she fell asleep after a few mins. Then she did a poo so we got distracted!

Not being insensitive but would a different pump help?

I used a manual MAM one.

Possibly. I use an electric one from amazon that matches with the medela bottles but isn’t medela (can’t afford it). We certainly won’t be able to afford a new pump this month.

In all honesty, two bottles a day before supply is established is too little. Your body will "conclude" that the baby isn't thriving and will start shutting milk production down. Your options are probably to put significant effort into relactation, which can be done but is hard work, or move completely to formula.

I just quickly read an article on relactation and it said I should be pumping and feeding at least 8 times in 24 hours, which I am. But I guess the issue is supply was never establish in the first place.

www.nationalbreastfeedinghelpline.org.uk

Are you pumping overnight though? You said your DP was doing the night feeds? Pumping or feeding at night is critical.

Milk supply is at it’s highest around 2-4am, this is the absolute best time to feed/pump, as a PP just said.

I agree- not feeding overnight and the number of bottle will have affected your supply. 8 weeks is classic for the body adjusting to making only what it needs- i went from being able to pump unlimited amounts to having to rigidly pump same time, every day almost like an extra feed, or my body would stop making extra.

You could try to get back to bf, but it may be hard work. Best idea is probably to set a week aside to sit on the sofa or take to bed and feed and sleep. Night feeding is what makes your milk producing hormones kick in, so pick up the night feeds at the very least.

The decision for you is how badly to you want to bf? Badly enough to put up with a week or so of constant feeding? I sympathise, i also had a baby who figured out very quickly that there was no let down with bottles and they were much easier, so i couldn’t combi feed at all or she’d cry for bottles and refuse bf.

If you decide to switch back to bf, i’d maybe give up on th pumping and feed as much as possible. Baby will stimulate your supply far more effectively, and lets be honest pumping is an utter PITA

I totally sympathise. DD1 could not figure out latching at first. It took almost 6 weeks before she managed it properly. I had to pump but she was mainly on formula. It was SO stressful and I hated every second. I felt like a failure cause breastfeeding wasn’t working. I ate all the same things as you, was at a breastfeeding clinic once or twice a week and rented a hospital grade pump. I found it all so stressful and fully believe that the pressure I put on myself made pumping less productive.
Eventually I made it and weaned my daughter off formula, at about 11 weeks old. It was not a fun experience and I have very few positive memories of DD1’s first few months. I was just too focused on breastfeeding.

Basically think about what you want! I am sure you could do it but is breastfeeding worth it for you both? In hindsight I am not so sure it was for me and DD1. Whatever you decide I hope you don’t/won’t feel the overwhelming guilt that I did. There is nothing wrong with formula feeding.
For what it’s worth DD2 is 7 weeks and I’ve found breastfeeding so much easier this time. I actually enjoy it!!

I guess I want her to have the benefits on breast milk without me doing the work of night feeds, cluster feeding etc. I realise this isn’t really possible. I definitely don’t want to EBF, being stuck on the sofa is torture for me.

I will keep pumping until the supply is gone. At least she will have had breast milk for the first three months.

I pump once a night. I agree pumping is a PITA but as I said she fights being breastfed to the point it’s distressing for both of us, and when she does feed successfully she falls asleep with in five mins.

Tilliebean

Thanks. In the first few weeks I decided to pump instead of wean of her off bottles as I really felt breastfeeding was going to give me PND. She is a very easy baby and it’s our only cause of stress, but I never even contemplated I wouldn’t breastfeed when I was pregnant.

I definitely don’t want to EBF, being stuck on the sofa is torture for me

At 8 weeks you shouldn’t be stuck to the sofa. Most bf babies are settling into a routine of 2-3 hourly feeds by this age.

Problem is to establish supply the stick to the sofa bit has to be done at some point, and you’re facing it now when most people get it over with in the first week or so.

Good luck with whatever you decision is :)

Wow you are doing amazingly well.
And you are doing your best, which is all anyone can do.

Breastfeeding is really tricky, and we as a society are lacking the skills and knowledge to get over the hurdles in our way.

Try to focus on the positives, big hugs

Is there a breastfeeding support group near you? They can be fantastic (and ours has free cake too)
You could hire an all singing and dancing pump, they are quite £££ but I think you only use it to get your supply established then you can switch to a normal one or just feeding.
Breastfeeding is great, but having a happy, calm mum is WAY more important, if it isn't working for you then use formula.

Congratulations on your baby, I hope you can enjoy some cuddles (even if you are stuck on the sofa for them!)

Op look up supplement nursing system, there are videos on YouTube. Breastfeeding can be hard, you have done an amazing job to get where you are.

Hi OP, I was exactly in your situation. Didn't have the greatest start with breastfeeding and was forced to resort to formula in the first 24 hours. Spending hours pumping to not even make one bottle a day, and feeling so guilty for it. Not pumping enough at night I think was the final killer. I gave up completely around 8 weeks, the time spent just didn't seem worth it anymore, I was missing out on spending time with my baby for it. There's no shame in calling it quits, you will feel some guilt, but remember you have already given her the benefits of your milk. She has had it through the most crucial first weeks and that is fantastic. Be proud of that and move on if that what you choose. x

I would honestly just give up. Your LO just needs a mum who isnt stressed and nervous and it sound as though you're getting yourself into a state over this when you could just avoid it and both be very happy and content. It really won't matter in a years time whether or not you breast or bottle fed, but you will save yourself so much stress and tears if you stop. And your baby will be a lot happier too.

Thanks for the responses. I think I am ready to think about giving up now. We both get so stressed when trying to breastfeed and pumping takes so much time for so little output. DD is also a great sleeper so I’m gettinf myself up needlessly in the night to pump.

If you think it's time to stop that's fine, but I just wanted to suggest feeding baby a bottle so she's full and maybe letting her suck on your boob for comfort. It might lead to her getting a little bit of milk in a stress free way. But if you are ready to stop it might not be for you. Whatever you do be kind to yourself and well done on getting this far!