Breastfeeding rant

[Nothisispatrick]

Just a rant really, no one to blame (except myself). Feel free to join.

DD is eight weeks and I absolutely hate breastfeeding her. She is combi fed but by this point it is 90% formula. When I try to breastfeed her she fights, cries and struggles. She has no patience to wait for the milk to come as she is used to the bottle so will start crying pretty much instantly. I use a nipple shield to help her latch but she flails her arms about and rips it off. I have to stop after a minute or so as I feel myself getting frustrated.

We introduced the bottle in hospital after a traumatic birth. My milk took five days to come in and I desperately needed sleep after a 50 hour labour and haemorrhage. If we had tried hard enough to wean her off the bottle when we got home I’m sure we could’ve done it, but I was poorly and DP did the night feeds (he still does and it’s not something I want to give up tbh).

I also pump. I do it religiously, if we are out all day I take a manual pump and do it in the car. At one point I was getting 30-50ml per pump and dd was getting two bottles of breast milk a day. My supply when pumping is now dropping. I get 10-20ml per pump and get about 100ml over a day. For the amount of time I spend pumping this really doesn’t feel worth it. I take fenugreek supplements, drink gross tea, eat oatmeal (porridge) for breakfast, mimic cluster feeding by stopping and starting over the course of an evening. Nothing helps.

I really want her to have breast milk. The two bottles a day was perfect and I’m gutted my supply is now so crap.DP is supportive but he wouldn’t really care if dd was 100% formula fed, I mean she basically is already.

I’m so frustrated by the whole thing. I don’t know what I want from posting it just feels good to write it all down.

As a mum who has BF 2 kids over 4 years...

If I had to pump I wouldn't bother. I HATE pumping. Well done for doing it this long. Be kind to yourself

Thanks Redfin, I have tried but she is not interested if she’s not hungry. She just pulls a face and looks at me like, what are you doing?

You are doing the best you can for your baby. Losing a lot of blood can delay milk coming in so you had a rocky start. You may want time to talk about how you want to proceed with a breastfeeding counsellor or lactation consultant. I think it's a good idea to make a decision or plan that you're happy with and to feel that you did your best. Some factors are out of our control. X X

Context....I'm 29 weeks in to exclusively pumping for my son due to a tongue tie which was diagnosed until 10w. I'm going to carry on until 9 mo when I go back to work and should have enough milk frozen to get him to a year. Am lucky that I haven't had to formula top up.

I was like you, didn't even consider I wouldn't bf but when he wouldn't/ couldn't do it, I was spiralling towards PND.

Would I do it again? I'm not sure. I'm proud to have bf him but it's torture pumping. I worked out I've spent nearly 10% of his life attached to the pump. As others have said, it won't matter in a few years. There is no shame in stopping or setting yourself a goal e.g. 3months as someone told me to never quit on a bad day.

Sounds like you've done really well OP, and bf is the toughest thing which I don't think anyone ever prepares you for. I did manage to bf and it was constant. The pp who said 8week olds feed every 2-3 hours - nope, they don't. We didn't even get close to going that long until at least 4 months. I didn't get a stretch of sleep longer than 3 hours until that point too. My baby was a grazer - on and off the boob all day and all night. The cluster feeding was epic. And no - we had no issues, no latch problems, no tongue tie and he was healthy, happy and gained weight like a champ (born on 75th centile, ended up on 91st). This is just what breastfeeding can be like for a lot of people as joining a local bf group showed me.

Safe to say, if you did want to build up supply you'd have to commit to a lot of time devoted purely to feeding. It sounds as though your little girl is thriving, happy and healthy on formula. You have nothing to feel guilty / bad about. Do what works best for you.

Wow cazinge 29 weeks, I was hoping to make it to three months. Can I ask did you establish your supply through directly breastfeeding when he was a newborn? Or did you do it all through pumping?

We had a rocky start, DS was tube fed a mixture of breast milk and formula for 5 days after failing to feed from the breast initially. I then lacked confidence to breast feed from that point and like yourself tortured myself for the next 6-ish weeks trying to express and bottle feed.

I can honestly say it wasn’t worth it and wouldn’t even consider BFing again under the same conditions.

Give up for the sake of your sanity OP. You will feel a bit of guilt but take the time to enjoy your baby and these precious few weeks/months and not taint it with all that stress.

@nothisispatrick established through pumping. DS had maybe 3 short feeds while in hospital (3days) and maybe 1 or 2 since we've been home. I used a hospital grade pump to double pump from day 2 then a single electric until 7 weeks when k upgraded to a double. Used that for a further 10w then returned it as faulty and invested in a hospital pump.

I made it sound v doom & gloom. It's a ballache getting up to pump now he's sleeping through mostly but I can Go out for an evening, I don't have to do all the night feeds, I can 'fill him up' at bedtime, other people can have him for a couple of hours, etc. all of which have helped me cope with the pain of not being able to bf him. It's more convenient than formula too as he will drink at room temp and it can be left out of the fridge for 6 hours ish.

Thanks KatnissK, she is incredibly healthy. Not even nappy rash or cradle cap!

cazinge how did you manage to establish your supply pumping? That’s exactly what I haven’t been able to do.