Feel resentful towards my baby because I can’t sit down

[guiltynetter]

I have a 10 week old DS and he cries. A LOT. on and off all day, then it starts properly around 4pm and can go on up until 11pm, sometimes non stop. the only thing that stops this crying is picking him up and walking round with him. me and my DH take it in turns to pace the living room all night. As soon as you go to sit down or even perch, he starts screaming again. My DH has gone out today and he has just started screaming again. nothing wrong as far as i can tell, he’s fed, just slept, fresh nappy etc. He only stops if i get up and walk around. I know he is only 10 weeks and a helpless baby but i can’t help feeling angry that i can’t even sit down. it is so hard. I am so upset. When does it end?!

Have you got a sling?

i do have a baby carrier type thing which we sometimes use in the evening to save our arms, but it doesn’t help with the not sitting down thing. if i sit down with him in it he cries instantly.

Sounds exactly like how my baby was (and still is a little at 5 months). DH is currently pacing up and down with him as I type.

I don't think there is a day when it suddenly ends but it does gradually get better. I was so exhausted in the day when DH was at work that I just had to put him down sometimes and let him cry for a couple of minutes. I think this helped him get used to it.

Do you have a baby swing? Apparently they are great. We never bought one and it's something I wish we'd got when he was born.

ah, i’m gutted to hear your little one is still like that at 5 months. i was hoping for it to end a little sooner! it’s very hard isn’t it. i do have a swing, at night he will sometimes go in it for 5-10 minutes but not for much longer.

i have a 4 year old DD so sometimes he does have to just cry for a little bit while i see to her.

Have you tried sitting/ bouncing on a gym ball? That really helped with one of the babies.

My eldest DD was like this as a baby. Can you put him in the car and go for a drive or put him in the pram and jiggle it. I also used to put mine in a baby bouncer and keep tapping it with my foot to get a break.

You have a little velcro baby. I do too. He's 7 months now and getting better. Its a phase and won't last.

Doesn't help you now though. I'm right here with you!!!!

Oh gosh this is bringing back memories of the witching hours! DD1 used to start up around a similar time and I can remember gazing out the window looking for DHs headlights. I can’t remember when it finished - it’s all a blur! But I think pretty shortlived. You will get through it. I can also remember rye guilt of resenting my much longed for baby so lots of sympathies. On the plus side, you are probably doing your 10,000 steps per day that they recommend!

My youngest was similar during the day. We bought a mechanical swing that kept the baby upright. It turned out that the baby had reflux so laying down was painful. Being kept more upright, especially in the half hour or so after feeding, helped enormously. you will get through this. Remember that it's fine to put the baby in the cot or Moses basket for ten mins and have a brew if you're starting to feel like you can't cope with the crying.

Mine was similar! I found a bounce chair with a vibrate setting an absolute life-saver - he'd go in it for 20 mins at a time which was enough time for a quick shower or to scoff a meal...he's 17mo now and hardly ever toddles over for cuddles! I know you won't believe me, but you will miss it!!

When you sit down with your baby do you have them in a lying down position or sitting upright? I only ask as my DD had undiagnosed reflux and I could not sit down with her in a laying down position. If I held her in a position where she was sat up with her bum on my lap and her head on my boobs she was fine.

I might be barking up the wrong tree but just trying to help.

thewickedwitch he does have horrible reflux. he’s currently on ranitidine but it doesn’t help much. i think he may have a milk allergy like my DD did which causes him to scream so much but it’s not diagnosed yet.

redastherose sometimes we have to take him for a drive at night as it’s the only thing that breaks the cycle of crying. i’ve tried the pram but he screams even more! currently having 5 mins on the couch while it’s my DH’s turn...

Hi there. So sorry to hear you're having such a tough time. My daughter who is now 2 1/2 was an extremely colicky baby. She cried non-stop for hours on end and sometimes I would feel so resentful, my skin would crawl and I felt like my head would explode. I know it's really hard when you're in the middle of it but it will pass. For my daughter, it changed virtually overnight around the 12/13 week mark. I think she had extreme digestive discomfort and something physically changed around that time. For what it is worth, she's a complete delight of a child now. Happy, funny, independent. That time feels like a distant memory. Stay strong. This is really tough, but it will get better. Great times are on the way for you. And it's completely normal to feel resentment. Wine, biscuits and lean on your partner. I genuinely don't think the crying has the same impact on them.

Our daughter was just like this.

Her learning to sit up was amazing! She could suddenly be upright ON HER OWN and she changed instantly, so much so my Mum called her the changeling baby and couldn't believe she hasn’t been swapped

She’s 16 months now and a total poppet. The first six months, I hated her. True story! See how he is when he learns to sit independently. Good luck xxx

thanks ginger, cross posted. when i sit down with him i try him in all positions. sometimes if i sit right at the edge of the couch and sit him astride one knee he lets me have 5 minutes!

I was thinking milk allergy as you’ve mentioned, as my 1yo was the same until daignosed. Are you BF or FF?

FF winging it. currently trying him on cow & gate comfort milk. it hasn’t made any difference. my DD ended up on neocate formula but he doesn’t have as many symptoms as she did.

Oh yes, I also remember this. He pretty much lived in a sling. I never sat down, my back and hips are now completely wrecked.

I can't remember exactly when things improved, possibly by about 6 months.

Sorry OP, I hope things get better soon

This was my son entirely, he had reflux and so it really only got better when he was eating solid food. He had ranitidine and Dom peridone which helped a bit and he was weaned early as his weight started dropping at about 5 months. It also turned out he had a dairy allergy which he has since grown out of but I don't think that helped. But I really feel for you as I remember those days of wondering what the hell I'd done with my life and feeling like it would never end. Sending you loads of keep strong vibes!!!

I second bouncing on a gym ball with baby in sling, it's much more sustainable than pacing or jiggling and you can watch TV that way.

This WILL pass

Sounds tiring! I know your pain. Try a different sling maybe?? One of those wrap around ones? X

Hi OP i feel your pain, I had a relux / milk Allergy baby, he is nearly 4 now and i still look back on the first 9 months of his life and dont know how i survived it

If you suspect a milk allergy i would be badgering my gp to prescribe the neocate.

It will get better

Hi OP!

Not much to add and I know everyone says it, but it will get better soon. We had this until about 3/ 3.5 months and then everything got so much better. Before then she couldn’t even be put in car seat or pram.

There is a thread in here for parents of criers- some of us have had the same problems as you if you would like to join!

Hang in there, you are doing great.

I forgot to add that my daughter is now an absolute angel! She’s developing so well, very interactive. Loads more vocal and engaged than other babies at groups (not that I’m biased or anything ha...) Great at sitting up because of all the wriggling and crying she did. I’m a firm believer that high needs babies are needy because they are very intelligent