Won't poo in toilet

[TraceyP]

My dd is 3 years 3 months old, has been completely dry for 8 months and uses the loo for weeing, but won't use it to poo. She's not constipated, it doesn't hurt, she's not frightened of the loo, she's in complete control of her poo and knows that it belongs in the loo -but will only do it in a nappy, at one particular time of day, and in one particular place. We tried sitting her on the loo at "poo time" but she reckons she can't do it, has a nappy on then poos in it in about 10 seconds. We've tried bribery, getting cross, and we're now (on the advice on the health visitor) completely ignoring it in the hope that not paying the problem any attention will cure it - and it hasn't!!

Any advice gratefully received!

TraceyP, this is (as you have seen) not at all uncommon. My DD was very quickly dry (once she was prepared to do it!) ie within days no accidents, but for two weeks she poohed in her pants every time (thankfully only once or twice a day). then she suddenyl got that too. What I'm saying is that the pooh and wee things may come separately. Yes, as others say, I think it is a control thing, but I certainly know plenty of people whose children have asked for a napy to pooh in, or maybe only ever done their pooh in the night-time nappy.
Mears' advice is always good and I think she is right here too. 8 months reliably dry is enough to drop the night nappy. Not every child will give you dry nappies first (after all, your DD didn't in the day, did she?). I bet she's doing it in the nappy because it's there. Try leavign a light on on the landing, potty by her bed, or stress that you dn't mind if she needs to wake you up to help her.
Good luck and fwiw I think you're doing all the right things.

Think you're right to avoid any pressure over the poos at the moment. Our ds had his first day in reception last week. All seemed ok but was obviously very stressful for him because that night he pooed in his bed for the first time in about a month. We didn't make any fuss about it and the next day was back to using the loo again, of his own accord.
Again, I would say try for the night dryness at first and see how it goes after that.

Thank you all for you suggestions and your encouraging words. As I said, we're going to leave it for now on the pooing but Mears is probably right that getting her dry at night it the next step, particularly as she is so relaxed about weeing during the day. Loads of spare sheets in the washing machine, all I need now is to grit my teeth and get on with it. Maybe tomorrow ... or next week ... or ...

those mats for the bed are good TraceyP. Or you can buy a reusable one (or 2) that's a square shape that lies on top of the sheet.

My three year old is going through exactly the same thing as your little one TraceyP. My daughter has suffered from really terrible constipation about four times in the last two years and is going through another really bad bout now just as I am trying to persuade her to stop pooing in nappies. We are now in the rather unfortunate position of her not wanting to poo in nappies, not wanting to poo in the potty and holding in both her poo (and her wee for as long as she can). She is obviously very uncomfortable but there is nothing I can do about it.

We thought we had a breakthrough two days ago as she did a wee and a poo in a potty. I'm sure the poo came out by mistake (so to speak) but she was so proud and led both of us individually to the potty with our eyes closed to give us a big surprise. We were delighted but she has not performed (a poo) for two days now and she is adamant that she will not sit on the potty or the loo. We actually had to go and pick her up from nursery this morning because she was suffering so much. It is agonising to witness this but she is just petrified of pushing out a poo. I'm not looking forward to the next couple of days as last time my daughter held in the poo for four days and the result was an enormous poo which was extremely painful to push out (into a nappy) and filled the nappy to such an extent that it restricted the path of what was coming out (sorry to be so graphic). She is eating and drinking all the right things but when someone is so determined to hold it all in there is not a lot you can do. It sounds horrible but just as a previous contributor suggested I think the only thing that will really help now is an attack of Delhi belly.

If anyone has any further advice it'd be great to hear from you. Sorry I'm not offering anything positive TraceyP but sometimes it helps to know that someone is in the same boat (it made me feel better anyway!). Like you I've ignored this behaviour, lost my patience and pleaded but nothing seems to work. Also like you I think I'm going to have to try the ignoring again, at least until I have to take her to the doctors that is...sigh.

Your poor little girl, what a shame. If she's refusing to go when she needs to then it's probably causing the poo to be impacted in her rectum, it then gets bigger and bigger so that it hurts to poo, hence the reluctance. She may even have developed an anal fissure, which will make it even more painful.

Have you seen your doctor? They may be able to prescribe a stool softener to help her to go. Another trick I've seen recommended is to let her poo in a warm bath, it's apparently more comfortable when pooing is painful.

If you haven't already done so, please take her to see the doctor and get her checked out. I hope it all works out for you.

Squiffo, we've just been through this. The warm bath helped (although, yes, it's a bit gross) and we also now have some enemas to make it easier if the problem recurs. Both those are obv stopgaps, but when it happens, we need something like that!

Both of my sons (6 1/2 and 3 years old) take a magnesium supplement sometimes when they're getting a little stopped up. It's really helped them -- my doctor said sometimes a slight Mg deficiency can result in constipation. I'd never heard that before and maybe it's a Swiss thing (we're in Switzerland atm), but it did work!

Hope something helps your daughter. I'm still trying to get my son to poo in the toilet, too, btw. We're getting there, but slooooowly.

JJ - I'm glad you're getting there with your ds pooing in the toilet, getting there slowly is better than nothing. We are still getting absolutely nowhere with dd.

TraceyP, wish I had some advice for you. Just coming back to tell you he did a poo in his fave place -- an old beat up leather chair. He's usually pants-less at home, so it's easy to clean.

At least he's getting used to the idea of going on a chair shaped object?

My sil had huge troubles with one of hers going poo only in the nappy and only in bed. She slowly moved his place of pooing with him still in the nappy to the bathroom, then slowly got him sitting on the toilet (still in nappy) and pooing, then cut a little hole so it went out of the nappy and into the toilet and then finally he started pooing on the toilet. It took a while and he was a bit older, but it worked for her.

Good luck with it!

JJ - Oh, no!! At least dd wears a nappy for hers! I've heard of people doing what your SIL did before, some people cut the hole bigger and bigger until the child is wearing just the waistband of the nappy! If I could just get dd to poo in a nappy within three yards of the toilet it would be a start ...