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Parenting

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Original poster

am losing it big time with dd1, someone please give me some advice

33 replies

19811222 · 20/06/2007 21:39

she is 5 and always been a nightmare at going to bed, fine once she is asleep but the getting to sleep is a nightmare.

tonight i have lost it big style with her, thrown her in bed without even brushing teeth, i came back downstairs and she ws screaming so i went up gave her a kiss and cuddle said sorry and she said sorry for being naughty.

every night she shouts me upstairs about 20 times, its either for more water saying she is hungry needs more books teddys or her latest is that she has a sore flower and needs cream.

i know everyone will say not to give in but she can scream for hours and i have dd2 to think about, thank god she sleeps well.

i really cant take anymore and i really think i could hurt her just now.

i honestly thought after i came back downstairs that she would go to slp but she is still shouting, i think im going to crack up.

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mckenzie · 20/06/2007 21:41

I dont have any wise words to offer you19811222 but we are having problems with DD (age 2) just now and so you have my deepest sympathy and I wanted to show my support. I'm sure someone wil be ablong soon with some good advice.

mckenzie · 20/06/2007 21:41

"be along soon" even

Joppe · 20/06/2007 21:42

Is dd2 asleep already? If so, can't you stay with dd1 until she falls asleep? I always stay with dd until she is asleep and she likes going to bed (might be a coincidence though).

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talcy0 · 20/06/2007 21:43

You have my sympathies...don't have advice....sure someone wii come along with some practical ideas.

My dd1 was the same until about the age 6.....she's 8 now and it has got easier.

Original poster

19811222 · 20/06/2007 21:43

this has gone on for 5 years now, even a sleep therapist could not help her, i know she is taking the utter p*ss out of me night after night but i cant get the cycle broken

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Original poster

19811222 · 20/06/2007 21:44

they both sleep in the same room in bunk beds, if she gets really bad i have to take her to my room to calm down but it was a nightmare getting her out of our bed into her own so i try and avoid that if possible

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amateurmum · 20/06/2007 21:45

Could you give her a CD player and a gentle story CD to listen to? This has worked well to distract all my 3, none of whom have been great at going to bed.

You have my sympathy, I feel really rattled at the end of the day and desperately want a child free evening.

talcy0 · 20/06/2007 21:46

I would often stay, like joppe, regularly fell asleep in there though.....and you do need you time at end of day.....we just muddled through

binkleandflip · 20/06/2007 21:46

I am in exactly your position with my dd, also five. She's is particularly nightmarish to get to sleep at the mo as she's got some seperation anxiety - think they have talked about Madeleine McCann at school and she keep shouting down to check I haven't gone outside or to see where in the house I am so I have to continually reassure her until she drops off.

You can do nothing but keep your cool and be assertive about her staying in bed. Try not to lose it (I know it's very, very hard). I'm trying to keep my daughter very active in a bid to tire her out as soon as possible to take the pressure off both of us.

NotQuiteCockney · 20/06/2007 21:46

It sounds really unpleasant for you both.

I'd be tempted to sit her down, away from bedtime, and explain - you're not enjoying the way bedtime is happening for her, it's making you unhappy, it's probably making her unhappy. How can you change things, together, to make things better?

And come up with a plan, together, and write it down.

Maybe she agrees to pick what she needs in bed before? Maybe she can call you up once or twice, but not more than that?

Maybe she wants you to be calm and pleasant when she calls (that once or twice) and then she won't call again?

(When DS1 was younger, we would say 'look, you're keeping

mustrunmore · 20/06/2007 21:46

I have nothing helpful to add either ,except empathy. We've recently dropped the dummy (a bit late (I know , as ds1 is 3.7) and bedtimes are killing me. Tonight it was 7.15 till 9.05 of tears, faffing about, I'm not tired, I want to play, I thought you'd left me alone, I'm hungry, Well I'll do what I like then blah blah blah.I'm trying hard, but I dont have much patience anyway, and even when I'm a model parent, he's throwing it back in my face Am so desperate for the next few days to go, as then dh will be around for bedtimes...

Original poster

19811222 · 20/06/2007 21:47

i have tried music and tv down low but she will stay awake even longer if they are on, she will happily stay awake till 1 am but then is a total nightmare the next day so i know that she is needing more sleep than that, i dont think there is a answer for her i really dont, i think i will have this problem until she is old enough to be left on her own downstairs while i go to bed

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binkleandflip · 20/06/2007 21:47

Also, she does listen to a winnie the pooh story cd she's had for ages and this seems to calm her and send her off.

babyblue2 · 20/06/2007 21:48

How old is DD2? Regarding DD1, you really really really have to ignore her. When you do, it will get worse before it gets better because she will test you. Get yourself into a confident strong mood and go for it. You have to ignore her totally for it to work.

Joppe · 20/06/2007 21:48

Could you discuss this with her (not now, maybe tomorrow when everyone is relaxed)? Maybe you could come up together with a plan of what you like each other to do. She could give some suggestions of what she would like at bedtime (some special time with you or her daddy?), and you could draw up some rules of what not to do. I think the key would be for her to be involved in finding a solution. Might be worth a try?

NotQuiteCockney · 20/06/2007 21:48

My kids have noise machines that make train or whatever noises, just to cover household noises, and help them sleep.

Joppe · 20/06/2007 21:49

Someone else got there first!

mustrunmore · 20/06/2007 21:50

NQC, we tried that with special rabbit. The response was, 'its ok, he's not tired, and he'd like to go away for a bit as a change'

Having said and read all this, I can remember so clearly being ilke this myself from about 4 onwards. Some of it was lack of tiredness, but alot of it was just wanting a chat, prob as it was a time of quiet, when i had the opportunity to talk to my Mum. And it is really nice to listen to someone while you drift off; I still ask dh to talk to me for that reason!

Original poster

19811222 · 20/06/2007 21:51

i hve tried talking to her during the day but i think im going to have to try that again but be a LOT more strict about it, i really cant go on like this, dd2 is 3 she goes to sleep at 7-00 pm and thats her till 6-30 am which is fantastic but because she is up early i have to go to bed early so i get no time on my own, i wait till dd1 is asleep then i go straigt up to bed, it sounds so sad when i write it down.

OP posts:

NotQuiteCockney · 20/06/2007 21:51

DS1 is 5 now, and bedtime is bath, bit of a wander, story in bed, chat, sleeping time. The whole thing takes an hour (but isn't a struggle). Rushing it isn't worthwhile, imo.

sheepgomeep · 20/06/2007 21:51

I could be writing this word for word!! She sounds exactly like my dd1 who is 5 in August even down to the sore flower bit

My dd was worth a couple of months ago but I've since had dd2 and things had to change.

I gave her water, something to eat before she went to bed so she couldn't use the excuse that she was hungry/ thirsty. I then read her a story, left a cup of water in her room and said she could read for a while or colour until I said it was time to go to sleep.

I let her get up once for the toilet and then I got tough. I just refused to go back upstairs to her, if she got up or screamed she lost privilidges the next day.

She did eventually get better but still gets up a few times before she will go to sleep.

Do you find your dd is worse in the summer with the light nights?

Original poster

19811222 · 20/06/2007 21:54

i feel that she is using the hunger as another excuse and is just stuffing herself just to get a extra 5 mins downstairs, tonight she had a big dinner at 5 o clock then before bed she has had 2 sandwiches (4 slices of bread) a yougurt bananna and cereal bar. she gets hysterical when i put her upstairs screaming that she is starving.

at this rate she is just going to make herself obese.

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babyblue2 · 20/06/2007 21:58

I reiterate my earlier post, get confident and strong and make your move. She isn't going to starve or dehydrate and if she goes to the loo before bed she isn't going to pee herself. Don't speak to her, just put her back to bed. 100 times if it takes it. She'll get sick in the end. Expect it to get worse before it gets better because it will get better. Don't do it until you feel strong and able.

RosaLuxembourg · 20/06/2007 22:01

No advice to add to that already given but you are not alone. DD3 who will be 5 next month is just like this and always has been. She is such hard work at night that DH made me stop trying for a fourth baby because she was wearing us out. She wakes often in the night also and comes into our bed by 3am most nights.
I have come to the conclusion that some children just find it really difficult to settle to sleep and waiting for her to outgrow it is all the solution we seem to have left.
That's a bit gloomy isn't it - I just wanted to show solidarity.

sheepgomeep · 20/06/2007 22:03

worth i meant worse

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