Can someone please calm me down?

[inffttg]

NC for obvious reasons.

I feel like the worst parent in the world.

About 2 hours ago, my 5 month old DD was sitting up right on her play mat and I supporting her back. She then suddenly lunges forward and smacks her head on to the play mat with a massive thud. She's burst into tears, solidly crying for a few minutes and then calms down, starts laughing etc.

She had a red mark which has now almost gone. She's happy and alert, had a full 7 oz bottle but I'm still in a state of panic. I feel so awful, I must've taken my eyes off of her for a second. It's all a blur.

We're staying wish my ILs and my MIL sees it all. Then she takes DD away to sit with her. I feel awful. I feel like I can't look after my own child. MIL keeps saying 'oh she'll have a bump or a bruise there!' 'Oh, that was such a big thud!'

Then FIL and SIL comes in and she tells them all.

I feel like I can't be trusted with DD. Are they going to think that I can't look after her? I was at the point where I felt confident, like I was a good mum and now look!

I'm such an anxious person generally and now feel like a bag of nerves.

You're not a bad mum at all. At that age, babies always topple over from trying to sit up. She toppled over from being on the floor. It's not like you were stood up with her in your arms and dropped her.

Of course we all aim not to let our babies fall over, bump themselves,etc. But these minor incidents happen and are part of babies growing and exploring.

Your ILs seem the annoying type to make a bad situation worse. Try to ignore them. The fact that your baby laughed after and just has a red mark that is almost gone suggests it can't be that bad.

please don't worry you're being to hard on yourself. Babies and toddlers will fall over, bang their heads, run into walls, drop things on their toes, fall off chairs/beds/sofas it's just part of them learning to move about.

Please don't worry!! My DS is 7 years old now and he's had plenty of bumps in his time. It's part of them growing up. It's pretty much unavoidable. Don't let your MIL make you feel bad. It happens to everyone.
I hope you feel better soon xx

Thank you.

I know. I'm just worried that I'm now deemed to be incompetent in front of them

Face planting the floor is totally normal!!
Ime.
Babies are very robust - and very good at being a drama llama!!
And mil is lying if she doesn't admit doing similar.
Or were her dc left at the bottom of the garden in a pram out of harms way?!

Just ignore her OP, your DD will have lots more accidents when she's mobile, it's all part of them learning, you can't be there to catch them every time. Your MILs kids would have been the same when they were little! You are not a bad mother. Some grandparents seem to have forgotten what it was like when their children were that age and think that theirs never got hurt at all.

When DD was 11 months she was trying to walk and constantly falling over. She fell near a table and banged her head and had a huge bruise in the middle of her forehead. We had a BBQ for her first birthday the next week and my parents and in-laws all commented on it, I just brushed it off and said I'm sure their children had accidents at that age. She does have a huge bruise in all her first birthday photos though!

Take your baby back and if she makes any more comments, to you or other people, just say 'accidents happen, she's fine, I'm sure you're children went through the same'.

Don't worry it happens to lots of us! My then 5.5 month old front flipped off the sofa and landed on top of her head while I was standing right beside her. I literally turned my head for a second and saw it all happen but couldn't stop her. I was hysterical and took her to A&E (I have worries about bumps to the head for personal reasons). She was perfectly fine and now at 18 months old a day rarely goes by where she doesn't bump her head 🙄

The only one in the wrong is MIL for making you feel bad about it!

Your daughter will have lots of bumps and falls, it most definitely does not make you a bad mum. My DS has fell out of a high chair, bumped his head, cut his head, cut his lip the list goes on and I don't seem myself a bad mum.
Maybe next time ( sorry there will be a next time) don't let MIL walk off with your daughter, you can comfort her until she is happy again and a big fuss shouldn't be made, it will only make your DD cry more.
Don't worry, it's perfectly normal and I'm sure your MIL knows this after having a DS.

She's asleep now. Usually is asleep by this time.

I'm obviously now paranoid about concussion.

What if she's had internal bleeding that I know nothing about? If she has concussion, would she have been alert and laughing about half an hour ago? Would she have had her bottle?

I know I sound insane. I'm just so worried

Red mark has gone

When my daughter started crawling properly and cruising a month ago we put a thick fleecy hat on her in the house to reduce the impact of her multiple head bashing incidents. She is getting more stable and had also started pulling hats off straight away now, so don't put it on her as much now.

That bump will be the first of many, back, front, sides, and top (crawling under things)!! It's great fun, and you are not a bad mum!!

Lets not overthink here. You all love the baby which is lovely. They are obviously being over critical of you but you are not a bed mummy. My baby bumps every week...those forward lunges are savage!

The sound of the thump was awful. It's completely my fault, obviously.

We've all been there OP, it makes you feel terrible but your daughter is fine.
Your mil on the otherhand is behaving terribly. What a dreadful passive/agressive way to talk, especially to first-time mother. She's being unkind and undermining, I'd ask your husband to have a word with her. My own mother is very similar and I've had to be very abrupt and blunt with her about her belittling passive/agressive comments.

OP chill, kids hurt themselves all the time. It was an accident and she is fine. Don't let them make you feel bad. You are not a bad mother, don't stress over it. Sure your sil and dp had a few accidents in their younger days so mil shpuld be more understanding

DH has just got in. I can hear her telling him about it downstairs.

I don't intend for this to be a MIL bashing thread but this is making me feel so anxious

I don't feel like she's mine sometimes. I feel like I'm just looking after her for them

In the nicest possible way OP, you need to get a grip. Your daughter bumped her head- nothing more. It will happen many, many more times and you need to be calm and confident in the way you react. Your MIL sounds fucking horrendous to be honest. Please don't let her take your baby off you again in that way- she's your child and you're doing a great job.

I don't feel like she's mine sometimes. I feel like I'm just looking after her for them

Whoa. Cross post. This is not an okay way for you to be feeling. Is there a backstory here?

Oh how awful for you OP.

My DD is only 8 months and lucky enough we was on the bed playing and I don't even know how it happened as my eyes were on her I was right Infront of her, and she still toppled to the side and face planted the bed

So I can see how it easily can happen. Sounds like it was your MIL reaction that made it worse? Try to not other think it, baby won't remember and all is well!

Lucky for me all I got told was "Yeah there will be much more of that, buckle up" which helped 😂

OP you need to calm down. This happens to every one. You are not a bad mother.

I've sat there worrying about concussions every time DD has hit her head, so you aren't alone in that. Your DD has not vomited and has been alert, she is fine. She won't remember this, no matter how guilty you feel.

Your MIL is being an idiot. Seriously, she's being unkind to you here. You need to tell her to stop. Tell her you feel guilty enough but accidents happen, if she claims they never did to her then she's a liar.

I don't feel like she's mine sometimes. I feel like I'm just looking after her for them

This is concerning OP, have you talked to your husband about this? Can you go home in the morning?

You poor thing, what a shock for you

MIL has reacted unfairly here, how dare she take your baby from you when they're upset? Unless she saw that you were upset too and was trying to help. It sounds like there's more to the relationship from what you've said though.

Here's an NHS link of things to look out for with head injuries: www.nhs.uk/conditions/minor-head-injury/

It happens, and we all feel shit about it but it doesn't make you a bad mother and you'll be super cautious from now on in that scenario! Please be kind to yourself.

Ok obviously a lot more to this than guilt about a bumped head. Do you live with your pil?

Op, I don’t think there are many babies in the world who don’t bump their heads. So are we all bad mums? You sound like you’re really really good beating yourself up.

What was the play mat made of ? It’s very very unlikely that she’ll get concussion from anything apart from a very hard surface.