why do people expect new mothers to DO anything at all in those first few fragile weeks?

[oranges]

There have been a lot of threads about whether new mothers should drive, sail yachts, receive unwanted visitors, go to supermarkets, and I just don't get why someone who has had a baby can do exactly what she feels like, till the lochia dries up, breastfeeding is established, stiches heal and she gets a few hours unbroken sleep. It may be unfair, irrational, or hurt some feelings but to be honest, so what?

i couldnt just sit and do nothing. i spent 3 days in hospital and was soooo bored. luckily i had an easy labour so had no stitches.

when we came home dp was really cautious about visitors but i couldnt wait to see everybody so they arrived at once. my best friend her mil cades 2 aunts my neighbours and cades nan. we had a really nice night.

the following day i went shopping although my minky felt like it was going to fall through. i wanted to get back to normal asap and was worried about being on my own with cade but it was fine.

i think mothers should do what they are ready for with no pressure

each person is entitled to do what they feel is best, though that rarely happens. when we bought ds1 home we had a diary for 2 weeks for appointments to organise all the bloody vistors, people who came on day 2 were saying 'we thought we'd give you some space before visiting', SPACE i wish! i feel tearful about that time still now, 4 months on, breastfeeding didn't get established as guests reacted badly to me bf in the lounge and if i went to go upstairs wilth baby people moaned that they had come to see him. never again, people can sod off til I say so!

I always think it's a bit of a laugh when midwives etc bang on about a CS being "major abdominal surgery" but can't chuck you out of bed quick enough after you've actually had one.

Some really good points on here. I especially like the one from LynetteScavo that if youd missed a nights sleep under normal circumstances, youD be well within your rights to ask others to leave you alone. I gave birth in a culture that forces mums to rest after a birth. Studies show that in these cultures, PND is much lower. I was a fit and healthy 25 year old, was swimming 3 days before the labour, natural birth, uncomplicated, 5 day stay at lovely midwife clinic--- and I STILL felt like ID been hit by a bus for months afterwards. I knew it was bad when I couldn`T sit at the computer to mumsnet. I hardly mumsnetted at all (must have been really weak looking back)

You need a gatekeeper really often to protect you from visitors particularly immediately after. In some ways the best thing a husband can do to help after birth is not let anyone visit except those you want and don't let them stay more than 30 mins unless they want to visit without seeing you and the baby and scrub a few floors etc. to help.

(On breastfeeding and work Vis just depends on the person - sadly the UK has a dreadful record - so few even breastfeed at 6 weeks and our record at 6 months is appalling. Plenty of us who go back to work at 2 - 6 weeks do breastfeed and in some ways I found that routine easier - feed at 8am, go to work, express every 3 hours or so, get in at 6 or 6.30 to a lovely peaceful breastfeed having had a day at work peacefully at a desk, taking breaks when you want, no screaming baby in the way or dull domestic work but each to their own.

I really never understood why people can't WAIT, just a little while, to see the baby. We were innundated with visitors when I was shattered, then when ds was about 3 months, dh had gone back to work and I had recovered somewhat, I was sat at home desperate for company.

Have to agree about lack of sleep too. In fact I was just chatting to my neighbour about it. I missed 3 night's sleep in early labour, then after DD was born she almost died, so missed the next night waking up every 5 minutes to check her, then the night after she cried all night. In fact, the only time for the first 2 months that she slept for more than 3 hours was the day that I went home from hospital, when she slept for 6 hours. And was I able to sleep? Nope, I was woken up to go downstairs and see my relatives who were visiting, including my mad grandmother who kept going over to the Moses basket and touching DD, trying to wake her up so she could have a cuddle.

In fact, (sorry, on a roll here!) what I don't understand is that even people who've had children, and even people who've had children fairly recently, phone up and say "we'll visit on Tuesday at 8pm, OK?". How on Earth do you know if Tuesday at 8pm is OK when you have a newborn? In fact, on Tuesday at 8pm, DD was crying and I was upstairs, terrified because I was trying to have my first poo after the birth and convinced that I was going to burst my stitches.
And then everyone thought I was mad when I introduced a "phone 30 minutes before you come just in case" policy, which even then wasn't THAT convenient for me.

Again it depends on people's circumstances and how they feel themselves. In the first week after delivery I have always been on a high. Couldn't wait to see people, couldn't stop talking. It was usually around the 2nd week when I felt tired and wanted a bit of peace and quiet. This also coincided with most people getting over the initial excitement and so I was generally left alone. Worked out okay for me.

Did anyone else feel like their body had been in a carcrash a few days after the birth? I don't know if I contorted myself into strange positions whilst in labour but all of me ached and I could barely move a few days afterwards.

Yes, I felt battered and bruised afterwards and was so stiff. The only exception for me was after no3. I recovered very quickly from having no3, I wish all my pn expereinces had been that good!