4 year old daughter overweight

[Londonmamabychance]

I've jus taken been told that my just turned 4 year old DD is overweight. Shes in the 99 percentile. She was a big since she started breastfeeding, born on 50th percentile for both height and weight but now on 99th percentile for weight and only 50th for height.

I guess I always sort of knew she was big but kinda thought she'd grow out of it. She eats a normal diet, not very restricted but just normal. Healthy breakfast lunch and dinner and a few treats.

There has been times in the last year when I have been insanely busy and stressed out and probably haven't paid enough attention to her diet, and maybe I've let her have too many treats as bribes and rewards which I realise is wrong, I was just under so much pressure I couldn't cope without.

I also think I didn't think so much about it because I'm naturally extremely slim, always been bordering on underiwght. My DD hasn't inherited her fathers v stocky build, and it's only now I realise this may mean I have to watch her diet more.

Really just looking for advice and hand holding from people w similar experiences. What can I do now to hell her stay healthy, should I try to make her loose weitght? We are quite active a small a family often out and about in nature etc, but she's naturally quite averse to activity and prefers drawing, painting and role plays etc.

I'm so worried about her, and how her future will be. I suppose Iran also v difficult for me to deal with as I've had an eating disorder in my twenties despite being naturally thin. It was about stress and mental issue and I became dangerously skinny. since then I have tried not
To focus on food, just eat normally and healthily and not obsess, but inadvertently I may have become too relaxed about food in our house. I can do this without any effects on my own weight, but I see now my daughters weight has increased. I just feel like the shittest mum ever, and like the worst parent to have a child w a natural tendency to gain weight, both because of my prior issues w food and my own body type which is completely opposite to hers.

I worry about how her life will be growing up, if she'll be teased for being overweight as she's so extremely stocky that I think no matters what she eats she'll look big. I find it so hard because I know what it's like to be judged on your appearance but the other way around. I've always had an easy life because I naturally fit into the stereotype of standards for beaury today. I realise it's all bullshit, but nevertheless it would
Be disengenous not to admit how it has shaped my life. I worked as a model in the past, I always got postive attention and comments on my looks. Now my daughter looks nothing like me at all, to the extent that people always comment on how much she look a only like her father, who's build like a boxer and from Arabic decent, whereas I'm very light. I of course think my DD is the cutest girl on earth, but I can tell other people don't. It sincerely breaks my heart. I so want her to grow up strong and happy and happy with heraelf and her own body, full of positivity, and I suppose that's part of why I haven't focused on her diet too much. But nowI feel I've let her down and that my own issues w weight and lack of experience with not naturally fitting the bullshit stereotype is in the way of me supporting my little girl.

Any advice on diet, activities and general attitude to this would be so helpful. Also if you have stories on growing up looking different than most other children (my daughter is shorter, darker and bigger than all her peers) and feeling good about yourself, it would be so nice to hear them.

You need to be honest about her diet firstly. It's no use saying She eats a normal diet, not very restricted but just normal because if she's overweight, then it's not a normal diet. Not in terms of her age and how much exercise she's getting.

A healthy diet is never "restricted" and so it's confusing that you mention "She eats a normal diet, not restricted" ...as though that explains something?

If she's not eating a lot of processed snacks or drinking a lot of fruit juice/fizzy drinks, then her portions must be too large.

Or it could be a combo of both.

Is she having snacks and sugary drinks? If so, get rid immediately. Don't buy crisps, biscuits or ice cream....once a week is ok. Sugary drinks are something for rare celebrations. Not daily or even weekly.

Food should be appropriately portioned...there are guides online to show how large a serving to give to children.

Could you perhaps add an example of her daily diet? Or maybe two or three days worth...then people can suggest alternatives.

Breakfast: porridge w fruit or sometimes cereal, or brown bread w butter, or some fruit, or youghurt fruity sweet kind. 1 big glass of Semi skimmed milk.

Mid morning snack: fruit

Lunch: dark bread w some meat, some nuts, a bit of fruit, maybe a baby bel.

Afternoon snack: fruit or eggs, but sometimes here I've given into biscuits or dried fruit or even sweets several times a week.

Dinner: what the whole family eats. So typically some meat, then rice pasta or potatoes and salad.

Drinks through the day: water and semi skimmed milk. Juice maybe every other day.

Normally she gets ice creams and. Sweets just Fridays and Saturdays but though summer we went on holiday for almost two months to my husbands home country and the family there gave her ice cream and sodas every day. I argued lots with DH about it but he wouldn't listen, said I was too strict. Think this has contributed to her weight gain. She was too big before the trip though.

It doesn't sound like a terrible diet at all...maybe there's a lot of bread but then some children eat a lot of bread and are fine. So perhaps it is portions. How many eggs will she eat in a sitting? And how much fruit? What type of fruit?

I suspect you're right and the 2 month holiday contributed a lot to her weight gain.

What kind of exercise is she doing?

Her portions aren't massive. Maybe two eggs.

She doesn't do any actual exercise, but she does a lot of running around. She's only just turned 4, so thought a bit early to start her on classes. She said in a Rudolph Steiner pre school five days a week and they do a lot of outdoor play. On weekend man we always spend at least two hours outside walking in forest it playing in the garden.

I think yes she could have less bread

This is why I'm quite down about it because don't think her lifestyle is so unhealthy, so how isn't she so big? She must have a v bad metabolism. I worry about her ability to keep weight off growing up.

You're being very hard on yourself OP. It's not unusual at all for people not to notice issues like this with their own kids, and now that the issue has been raised you can start to do something about it.

The typical foods you've posted sound alright (apart from the sweets but you know that), so I'd look at reducing portion sizes. Two eggs sounds a lot to me but my daughter is significantly younger so I won't claim to know anything about suitable portion sizes for a 4 year old!

What are you serving her meals on? Child's plate/side plate?

Her diet sounds fine, she's probably just a 'good eater' and a bit sedentary.
I would cut out the sweets, ice cream, dried fruit and increase her veg.
Serve her meals on a small plate and make half the plate vegetables.

Maybe look at a couple of gymnastics or swimming classes, walk rather than car/scooter etc

She could have carrots/cucumber instead of fruit for a snack, no juice, plain yoghurt instead of sweetened, limit milk.

But really her diet sounds healthier than many children's! It just needs a few tweaks, less sugar more veg, and probably reducing portion sizes.

The diet sounds fine and honestly better than a lot of kids her age. Also i don't think a 4 year old necessarily needs to engage in formal exercise as long as she is moving around enough and doing enough physical activity.

Was she on a high percentile prior to weaning i.e. when she was being EBF? I ask because I honestly believe in some cases some babies and toddlers are genetically programmed to put on and retain weight for longer than others. My family all have fat babies and chubby toddlers and don't really "thin out' properly until they get to school. As adults they are almost all at least normal BMI if not the lower end of normal.

I do think there is a difference between "puppy fat" that isn't a result of poor diet or lack of exercise and those that allow their DC to gain weight through not monitoring these elements adequately. I don't think it is as simple to say that an overweight baby/toddler/very young child means that there must be a problem with their diet or exercise levels.

Has your DD been medically diagnosed as overweight? Has a GP checked for any other health issues? Could the GP refer you to a dietitian for advice?

I don’t really think there is a huge amount you can do with base diet at this age aside from restricting snacks and junk food. I think being more active is more effective

Her diet sounds fine although at 4 I would question if there is still a need for snacks? I stopped snacks around 3 unless there was going to be a longer than usual stretch between meals. Make sure she has plenty of water during and between meals too.

Hello, ds got plump around the same age. I was giving him 2 or 3 hot cross buns with butter as a snack a week (ie/ less than half a day). I cut these out and he went from plump to normal within a month or so. Just to reassure you it doesn’t have to be a radical change or something you think about lots. Maybe just stop buying ice cream and sweets and see how that goes. I think they’re small so small changes can make a big impact. Good louche.

Luck! Not louche

@bumpity, she was born on the 50th percentile and then she rose to 85th percentile within first month and stayed there! I had lots of milk and she breastfed v well. She was exclusively breastfeeed until I introduced solids at 6 months and she continued breastfeeding alongside solids till 16 months.

I think she was even over 85th percentile while breastfeeding but didn't go much to hv. She was a real sumo baby just on pure breast milk. Interesting what you say about babies in your family.

@seeline the HV said she's overweight. I now want to take her to the gp to discuss with her.

@eggsroyale thank you, may just cut out snacks. Think they're just a habit, also she has a 2 year old brother so because he gets she gets too.

@rachelfrost yes I think I'll start just cutting out sweets and unhealthy snacks. Also I will get her mibing more, am buying her a balance bike now and will loook a team gymnastic classes

Moving not mibing

Her daily meals sound ok. It is probably a problem with portion size. Try giving smaller portions and encourage more physical exercise. Dance or Gymnastics or something similar are usually popular at that age.

So don’t beat yourself up about this - sounds like a little tweak now will have her on the right path.

I have a slimmer than average 4 year old. I don’t limit ‘healthy’ food, but do limit treats. But the main difference between what you described and what I feed her is veg. I aim for at least 2 veg every lunch/tea. And give them the veg with a little bit of everything else first so they eat it when hungry, then they get seconds of whatever bits they want. So she naturally fills up on a lot more veg and less starch. So for example last night was chicken stir fry - DD was hungry whilst it was being cooked so she ate 1 1/2 raw carrots! Then she got green beans, mushroom, chicken and noodles. She ate that then wanted pudding (very small portion of crumble and custard), was still hungry so got more chicken, noodles, beans and mushrooms and a small glass of full fat milk. So it was a lot of food, but most of the bulk was veg.

We have natural Greek style yogurt with fruit rather than sweetened fruit yoghurt. Fruit juice is only at weekends and heavily watered down, standard fruit (apples/bananas/pears) are whenever they want as long as it’s not just before a meal.

Personally I don’t think 2 eggs is a lot - my 4 year old will eat 3 in a sitting.

Hello. You are definitely not the shittiest mum. You child sounds like my DS2 (now 11)who is 99th centile for weight ( but DC1 is 30th centile). Your child is still very very young and you are seeking help and support.
We have done a course with NHS dietitian.
Focus is on changing habits for a HEALTHY lifestyle. Do not try to get her to lose weight- try to maintain her weight, then as she grows taller, her BMI adjusts downwards.
Cut out all snacks. Supper is allowed. Pace meals so they are spaced through the day. Do not offer food as a treat or reward or bribe. Find something else- stickers/ comic. Exercise portion control. Offer food on smaller plates. Cut out all soft drinks- no sugar squash if you have to( I hate sweeteners but needs must). Eat together at the table, not in front of TV. Cook healthy things together.
Forget about appearance or what others might think of her appearance. It's about HEALTH not looks.
Fun activities every single day. Join clubs. Go swimming, to the park. Walk everywhere as quickly as she can.
Look to make lots of little saves- If you can cut out 20 calories here, and 20 calories there etc, they all add up. Change those little habits you drift into- of giving 2 Petits Filous instead of one; or of having pudding after every meal. If she's hungry try and distract her.
Look at labels and shop around for healthier/ lower calorie versions. Some cereals are an absolute no-no- full of sugar. But things like Weetabix or shredded wheat or porridge are good and filling. If she has to have a biscuit, something like rich tea is obviously better than a caramel digestive. Look for things that have already been portioned- eg individual malt loaves, rather than a big one that you slice and may give too much.
It is ongoing and relentlessly strict and disciplined- I understand how this could be difficult for you with your eating history but there's no other way...... My son did well for a while but moving up to secondary school has meant him dropping 5 after school sports activities and getting the bus to school instead of walking. He has put weight on. Ask you GO if they would refer you to a dietitian or if there are any programmes like the one we attended. Best wishes.

OMG, she is 4! Seriously, WTF!

I have known plenty of csmall, chubby children who became really slender as they approached puberty. If she gets enough excercise, a balanced diet and her health-markers are okay, then you should just leave things be. Weight alone is not a good indicator of health, especially if all other signs are good.