4 year old daughter overweight

[Londonmamabychance]

I've jus taken been told that my just turned 4 year old DD is overweight. Shes in the 99 percentile. She was a big since she started breastfeeding, born on 50th percentile for both height and weight but now on 99th percentile for weight and only 50th for height.

I guess I always sort of knew she was big but kinda thought she'd grow out of it. She eats a normal diet, not very restricted but just normal. Healthy breakfast lunch and dinner and a few treats.

There has been times in the last year when I have been insanely busy and stressed out and probably haven't paid enough attention to her diet, and maybe I've let her have too many treats as bribes and rewards which I realise is wrong, I was just under so much pressure I couldn't cope without.

I also think I didn't think so much about it because I'm naturally extremely slim, always been bordering on underiwght. My DD hasn't inherited her fathers v stocky build, and it's only now I realise this may mean I have to watch her diet more.

Really just looking for advice and hand holding from people w similar experiences. What can I do now to hell her stay healthy, should I try to make her loose weitght? We are quite active a small a family often out and about in nature etc, but she's naturally quite averse to activity and prefers drawing, painting and role plays etc.

I'm so worried about her, and how her future will be. I suppose Iran also v difficult for me to deal with as I've had an eating disorder in my twenties despite being naturally thin. It was about stress and mental issue and I became dangerously skinny. since then I have tried not
To focus on food, just eat normally and healthily and not obsess, but inadvertently I may have become too relaxed about food in our house. I can do this without any effects on my own weight, but I see now my daughters weight has increased. I just feel like the shittest mum ever, and like the worst parent to have a child w a natural tendency to gain weight, both because of my prior issues w food and my own body type which is completely opposite to hers.

I worry about how her life will be growing up, if she'll be teased for being overweight as she's so extremely stocky that I think no matters what she eats she'll look big. I find it so hard because I know what it's like to be judged on your appearance but the other way around. I've always had an easy life because I naturally fit into the stereotype of standards for beaury today. I realise it's all bullshit, but nevertheless it would
Be disengenous not to admit how it has shaped my life. I worked as a model in the past, I always got postive attention and comments on my looks. Now my daughter looks nothing like me at all, to the extent that people always comment on how much she look a only like her father, who's build like a boxer and from Arabic decent, whereas I'm very light. I of course think my DD is the cutest girl on earth, but I can tell other people don't. It sincerely breaks my heart. I so want her to grow up strong and happy and happy with heraelf and her own body, full of positivity, and I suppose that's part of why I haven't focused on her diet too much. But nowI feel I've let her down and that my own issues w weight and lack of experience with not naturally fitting the bullshit stereotype is in the way of me supporting my little girl.

Any advice on diet, activities and general attitude to this would be so helpful. Also if you have stories on growing up looking different than most other children (my daughter is shorter, darker and bigger than all her peers) and feeling good about yourself, it would be so nice to hear them.

Maybe cut out the milk as a drink? Simple change to make and if she's having porridge in the morning she is still getting milk from that

Oh just to add swimming is great exercise. My 4 year old is now getting in the water by herself (in a small class) and she comes out really hungry - she just burns through whatever she has in her system when swimming.

And one last thing. Try lentils or beans (something like kidney beans not baked beans) instead of meat a couple of times a week. Still healthy, still filling, but low calorie. I make lentil soup and it’s a complete meal that is filling but low calorie. Both mine love lentils.

Thanks for all the great advice! It really helps. Another complicating factor is living at my parents house a the moment. We have just relocated from another country and still haven't got our own place yet. So having to be part of my parents eating regime. My dad cooks every night as I can't cook w both kids around and my partner not home till 7. He ALWAyS cooks meat and no way at all to change it. You know, he's old and just doesn't listen. There's always a salad w dinner, but DD never touches it. I put it in her plate but she doesn't touch it. She then just eats potatoes or rice or pasta or whatever is there, and then the meat. Her dad disagrees w me being too strict, because I would be happy to say you eat salad first and once you have eaten that, you can have the other things on the table. Today I came hope having got the kids from nursery/school, and my mum had friends around, they had cake and white bread and jam and cheese etc on the table at 4pm. I managed to whisk the cake away before DD saw it, but then she was begging for white bread w jam and threw a huge fit. In the end I let her have one piece. I probably shouldn't have but it just felt so mean to not let her when they were sitting there eating al of them.

Do you have good ideas for packed lunches?

My dd slimmed right down at about 4. I think we made a slight effort to reduce portion size and snacks. But now she is 5 and very slim. Started getting more active naturally at the same time, swimming lessons, gym and school. She was quite a lazy pre schooler!

I don't think you should be too strict as I believe that this is likely to create food issues in itself. Your DD is likely to covet the food that she isn't allowed and as she gets older she will be more aware of the restrictions you place on her. Obviously I'm not saying you let her eat whatever she likes but the thing about a balanced diet is that it includes everything in moderation. Barring health issues and assuming she is doing enough exercise then a good diet should mean that the weight does eventually drop off without having to completely ban certain foods. A small bit of jam and bread isn't the end of the world, pick your battles and focus on making sure that she eats well the vast majority of the time.

Adjust the portion size and cut back a little on her carbs (rice, potatoes, bread etc.) intake.If it is done gradually and as a family it will be less noticeable. It is about having a healthy appetite towards food and exercise. Don't blame yourselves or argue about who's fault it is. Could you ask your HV for a referral to a dietician to see what changes they recommend?

Yes maybe seeing a dietician would be a good idea. Also thanks you're right, @tisme, nothing could will come of arguing or finger pointing or being too strict. It's my automatic response as I tend to loose perspective on issues around weight. It's hardly the end of the world, she could have a serious illness or something worse, I'm aware my panic is associated w my own issues, but talking to all of you about it is really helpful, thank you all

My friend's DD is overweight. Has been since about aged 3. I notice my friend never makes her child wait for a meal but will give in and feed her what she calls a "snack" but which I would call a meal.

So, waiting for roast chicken, gravy and vegetables, her DD is hungry...my friend cooks her a big bowl of pasta which she serves with butter.

That's "a snack" to her. Then she served her DD the roast dinner.

I'm not saying this is what you're doing op but could you be giving snacks which are really meals?

Same with chips....my friend gets her DD a bag of chips on the way home from school because "she's starving" rather than call that her tea, she then cooks her another meal and serves that 2 hours later.

I’m pretty sure the dietician will recommend minimal changes, maintaining her weight and waiting for her to grow into it.

Is that what they do? What if a child is severely overweight?

Everything in moderation and minimal changes won't help an obese child. Dietitians recommend lots of small changes which all add up. You do need to be strict because your (my) child needs to eat less and exercise more than other children the same age. If you continually bend the rules, a hundred calories here and a hundred calories there add up to make a small person obese.

1. ditch morning snack. I don't think they need to snack between breakfast and lunch at this age if breakfast was good

2)swap 'large glass milk' at breakfast with smaller glass of milk plus a small glass of water. If she is having porridge etc for breakfast then shes already having milk there as well

3. give snack 3-4 pm still if dinner around 7pm. 2 boiled eggs is quite a large 'snack'imo for a 4 year old.

4. give enough water throughout the day. sometimes they mistake thirst for hunger

5. increase exercise. At 4 years I would say they are old enough for weekly 'lessons' in something she likes. plus include more with family. Swimming lessons could be good, or weekly dance lessons. Then go another evening as family also, plus what you usually do. NHS website says under 5s should be getting 3hrs per day of excercise

Thanks for all the advice! They give a morning snack at her pre-school, it's wholeness buns w butter usually. Would be too hard in her to say Shen couldn't have it when everyone else is having it. I think it's so hard as we are always around other people, we are v social which is good in so many ways but hard w diet. This afternoon we went to her friends house in the afternoon and the mum put snacks - cheese, veggies bread and fruits, on the table at 2pm and DD ate loads. Then when I came home I had to leave her w my mum for a while and she gave her preserved figs and more bread! Then she ate dinner at 6, and when my DH came home at 7 she had fruit w him as she asked for it and he insisted she should have it. Then at bedtime she wanted more milk, I said no but DH said I wasn't being mean and gave her. It just feels impossible to control. Think I may have to rely more on being more active and just make sure that all meals I'm in control of are super healthy and moderate in amount. I signed her up for gymnastics which will start next week, and started making her walk some of the way to school in the am, before getting in the bus, but she complains she's gets tired so quickly and it's so hard to get her walking. She's apparently v active all day at pre-school.

I'd say she does spend 3 hours a day outside, but she does tend to spend a lot of it making mud cakes in the sand box rather than running around

I defo think she needs to drink more water. She is reluctant to drink water and wants milk all the time. She doesn't get juices or sodas or cordial.

I think maybe I should make the breakfast smaller as she'll have a mid morning snack at pre-school around 10am everyday?

I've found portion control the main issue although fizzy drinks certainly doesn't help.

I have a similar problem with my two yr old, her height is 75th and weight 99th, although she was a shopping 9.12 when born she didn’t regain her birth weight for well over a month and they kept telling me she needed to put on weight, no their telling me she’s overweight!

How much fluid is she drinking? I know with my older dc that if they haven’t drunk much they are ravenous, on a good day they get through 2x litre bottles of heavily diluted squash, yes I know it’s not water but they just won’t drink the amount they should with plain water and then become constipated so I prefer to just give them very diluted squash, when they have their 2ltrs they are hungry at normal times, don’t ask for snacks, but I found we’re out/busy and they don’t have their quota it’s quite remarkable how much more hungry they are and asking for food in between mealtimes.

My lo has had porridge for bf today, no mid morning snack, for lunch -a mini cheddar cheese, sliced up cucumber, two mini savoury eggs and a piece of ham and for dinner cabbage, 2 sausages and some cauliflower cheese....and about 4 cups of dilute juice so around a litre. She has not asked for food between meals.

WHen I told my hv about my lo diet, she was happy with it and we both concluded she needs to be more active so we’ve started swimming at weekends and started a few toddler groups midweek so should hopefully even out as she becomes more active over time.