Very important/urgent! Please read!

[Didydani]

Hi everyone,

I'm completely new to the forums and I've seen plenty of people supporting each other, giving advice etc and wondered if you could do the same for me.

I have a fairly quick question to ask and I need it answered ASAP really.

Should I call social services today? My little girl (who turns 1 this Dec) is due to visit my mother's house, where my sister and my nephew also live.

I've recently acquired photographic evidence of the fact that they DO NOT even use her car seat when they take her out sometimes in the car.

Clearly this isn't acceptable at all and quite frankly I'm starting to worry about them not using it. They've hidden this from our daughters dad on occasions too, and I had to be the one to tell him it's happened a few times before as they are very secretive people (they make my skin crawl tbh!) when hes not been aware of this happening.
Because our daughter lives with her dad, basically I'm wondering if and when I report this, will remove her and bar my family from taking care of her from now on? And will she stay under the care of her dad? Or is there a chance they could attempt to take her away from us completely?

I've been there on occasions when it's happened and been powerless to do anything about it, as I have to be supervised by someone when I'm with my daughter and it could be a family member or official.

I know that alot of you by now are probably wondering why haven't I even attempted to stay in my mother's house for the day with my daughter (obviously because its safer than her not using the car seat. I know it's there for her safety) but the truth is they would probably call the police on me for refusing to let her go out with them.

My daughter isn't allowed to return home with me, she lives between her dad's home, (probably stays at mother's house some nights) and stays with some of his family.

My mother often argues that that's her day with my daughter, and now so does my daughters dad. They have frequently given me excuse after excuse not to bring my daughter to come our house to see me. Her dad will (even when it's breaking the court orders. Yes, we've been in court since June 2018) offer to bring her over like he did yesterday, but then throw some real fucking shitty excuse in my face like due to the fact that we argued yesterday, he's refusing to bring her over today.

He also judges my mood a lot, despite the fact that he isn't a phycatrist and a mental health practitioner and he thinks if I'm a low mood then he'll basically refuse to bring my daughter over to see me. It's hurts so much not being able to see her often, and especially when I get a bunch of excuses thrown my way.

I promise I'll come back and explain the full story as I realise its relivant to what I'm asking here and after reading this, people will want to understand my/our circumstances more, plus I'd like more advice from you mummy's anyway as I'm guessing you have enough experience to do so.

Dididani

That's great you have a supportive friend that is there for you and she is totally correct to advice you to seek legal aid. I'm no expert though so would not know the eligibility criteria.

Sounds like you desperately want to believe your EX and trust him so that he doesn't stop contact (as you've previously said before)

M/H issues do not always mean that somebody cannot be fit to parent and its great you are seeking the help for that.

Just keep fighting, fighting for better access to your daughter and fighting to get yourself to a better place.

Good luck

Auto correct sucks - I almost pressed post and it said good lick

Alaria4

Yes, that is part of the problem. I don't want him to stop any contact.

Again I agree. Everybody struggles in life albeit with different things and it shouldn't stop you from being a parent. I'm just gunna have to learn to live with it and cope with it, as he believes there's underlying issues besides depression. I think that he think that I have a split personality or two personalities (bear in mind, I used to joke years ago about my star sign gemini ♊ according that, I'm supposed to have a twin in the same body or multiples so to speak) but l used to take the mic/piss out of it all the time and make jokes about it. I think maybe he's taken me a little too seriously! Either that I or he really does think I have two personalities and he's right, and I'm just not aware of it 😂😂😂.

Anyway, thank you and I will! I'm gunna settle down for the night now though so I'll be back through the week probably!

LOL 😂 autocorrect is a pain in the butt!

Didydani

I can see where you are coming from regarding your EX and contact. Trying to put together everything you have said, it does sound like there are times when EX is level headed and reasonable. But he should not stop contact just because he hasn't liked something you've said or done. Perhaps try not to be so open in future about your private life, your EX does not need to know every little detail about your life, although sounds to me like there are still feelings involved (can't remember what I've read on the thread - I've been up half the night with LO so forgive me )

Maybe you have had a very hard time with MH problems which have led you to be in this situation. Sound like you doubt yourself a lot in regards to your MH. I think sometimes we can act like two different people, especially when we are in bad situations. It doesn't necessarily mean we have any MH issues as the root cause. Perhaps sometimes you just have motivation /good days and then other times feel overwhelmed and have bad days. Idk.

You've opened yourself up to the options of having your mental health assessed and are cooperating with difference services etc.
I can't help but feel you just need somebody professional to fight your corner per say. Having a decent Solicitor can make the world of difference though, I can't help but think surely you'd be entitled to legal aid, especially because you have no income.
I've been through the court process before and remember I was entitled to a discounted rate (was working 16 hours and told I would have to pay £150 per month in legal costs, which was more than a weeks pay!)
So I know it can be costly but surely if you EX has been the one to take you to court, it leaves you open to getting some form of help... I don't know.

All I could suggest is to perhaps get as much advice and help from any services you can.

And the car seat situation seriously makes me cringe, you did the right thing by reporting it and it's good to see your EX shared the same opinion.

I'll keep an eye on your thread and hope to see some progress