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Original poster

Elective section & husbands Christmas do

32 replies

Mumof1littlemonster · 03/11/2018 23:54

Really pissed off right now! Sorry for the rant!

I’m having a elective section on 14th December & husbands Christmas work do is on 16th December. They can’t change the day for the Christmas do & he feels as though because visiting hours at the hospital will be over he should go for the Christmas do... am I being unreasonable is saying No he shouldn’t?

Let me also mention my mum will be staying at ours and taken time off work to look after my 3yr old. Dh will be staying at home overnight and be with me at the hospital throughout the day.

I may also be discharged on the 16th during the day & be home but he still feels he can go to the Christmas do because then my mum can look after me!

I told him I don’t think he should go as he’s on paternity & it’s our time to get into a family routine & get over the tiredness. Also he can come home from hospital and spend some time with our 3yr old!

Please tell me if I’m being unreasonable or is he?

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Original poster
Mumof1littlemonster · 03/11/2018 23:55

Also just to mention he’s not that close to his work lot he says he’s going because it’s there last one before he’s made redundant next summer and because the company are paying £20 ph! Confused

OP posts:
fromdespairto · 04/11/2018 00:05

I'm on the fence. If he were leaving you on your own I'd be saying he was in the wrong, but you'll have someone to look after you as your mum will be there.

On the other hand when I had my ELCS (also dec 14th!) no way would my husband have wanted to leave us and especially he would not have wanted to be hungover and helping with baby.

Actually no you're birthing a tiny human, your feelings on this should have priority.

NakedBrainStrollingInManhatten · 04/11/2018 00:09

I think it feels a bit like taking advantage of your mum. If you didn't have a child at home to look after I don't think it'd be a problem at all. But your mum is there to help look after your three year old while you are in the hospital, not to babysit so your Dh can go on the piss.

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SundayGirls · 04/11/2018 00:21

To me personally, it's not about the practicalities, it's about priorities.

It could be the first night his new baby spends at home. Christmas do's will come again but the first few days and weeks with a newborn are precious.

I would be hurt personally if my DH would prioritise going to the Christmas do over settling in at home with me and our new baby. My DH would not go to the Christmas do under that kind of timing, but I expect he'd want to Smile. I wouldn't have an issue with him wanting to, after all they are usually a jolly knees-up, but I would have an issue with him actually going or moaning about missing out. He would probably half heartedly and hopefully mention it on the nonexistent extremely slim off-chance I might say "Oh DH! You mustn't miss out on a jolly Christmas knees-up just because I'm coming back from the hospital with our brand-new baby after major abdominal surgery that very day! Go and stay out as long as you like and have an extra drink on me!" But he'd know it was out of order. It is.

I've had 3 CSs and you can need help just sitting up in bed, reaching for something, etc. Not only that but your hormones might be all over the place and it's as much to be there to support you emotionally as it is to be a physical support to you.

So in short, even though your mum will be there, that doesn't really cover it all and I wouldn't be pleased about it at all.

WitchesHatRim · 04/11/2018 00:24

They can’t change the day for the Christmas do

Please don't tell me he expected them to change the date.

Budgieinaberet · 04/11/2018 00:26

If he's being made redundant then it's not important for him to go.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 04/11/2018 00:28

Wow, what a prince amongst men - a £20 shitty Christmas dinner with people he’s not even friends with is worth more to him than supporting his wife who gave birth to his child.

SMH

Sorry Mumofonelittlemoster Thanks

Original poster
Mumof1littlemonster · 04/11/2018 00:36

Thank you for all your replies Flowers
He’s just added how he asked his manager if the date can be changed and she said NO as she’s asked a lot of people and they can’t make it, now he’s found out that his manager never asked anyone. So he wants to make it a point to her!

Does that even make fucking sense Angry

Oh and as it’s a evening dinner he said ‘what help can I be from 9pm-11pm, what’s your Mum here for’

OP posts:
thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 04/11/2018 00:40

I’d ask the midwife if you can keep the placenta then take it home and whack him across the head with it.

Original poster
Mumof1littlemonster · 04/11/2018 01:17

We’ve just had a massive arguement over this because I read out all the answers to him & now apparently it’s BIASED! He’s being a total prick! He’s got up and gone to sleep in the other room! ConfusedAngry

OP posts:
twinkltoes · 04/11/2018 06:07

I can’t even believe this is an issue,surely the Christmas do is just a cheap boozy event that can be missed.Youre having his child, it’s a no brainier what comes first!

mindutopia · 04/11/2018 06:19

His priorities are all wrong. Having a new baby is a huge change for family life. He needs to be home with your older one. It’s a big deal to get a sibling and she’ll need the one on one attention while he can provide it (before you come home and life gets a lot harder). It’s not your mum’s responsibility to be there for her, when he is busy with you or the baby, yes, for going on a piss up, no. Those first few weeks are so hard and exhausting. If given a night off, he should be home getting sleep so he can be rested for the really tough bits ahead. I’m pretty sure that, apart from a work trip for a few days, my dh didn’t have a night out until our 2nd one was about 5 months. It’s hard, there’s too much that needs doing, and he much preferred sleep. Plus surely all his colleagues will think he’s a bit of a jerk for ditching you to go to his work’s do? God, most people wish they had such a solid excuse to get out of having to go!

CantWaitToRetire · 04/11/2018 06:23

Twenty pounds per head? Wow! That’s going to be a Christmas do to remember!

If you’re allowed home on 16th then I would hope he’d prioritise spending the first evening of his baby being home with you and the family. If you’re still in hospital then maybe not such a big deal providing he doesn’t get roaring drunk and have a hangover next day. Not likely on £20 though LOL!

TableSalt · 04/11/2018 06:33

You'll be released from hospital on 15th, the day after elective c, unless something goes very wrong.

TipseyTorvey · 04/11/2018 07:00

I can't understand why he's so desperate to go. Who does he want to see there so much that he'd leave you after what is in effect major abdominal surgery to go and put on a cheap paper hat and chat to work mates. Isn't he actually on paternity leave once you have the baby anyway? You've made your view very clear so if he goes now it will cause huge upset right when you need to be pulling together. He needs a priority check!!!

LittleBearPad · 04/11/2018 07:06

I’m staggered he asked for it to be changed tbh. £20 is neither here nor there. Is this attitude all because of the redundancy - when did he hear about it?

mumto2babyboys · 04/11/2018 07:12

Tell him no way he needs to put his family first

strawberrypenguin · 04/11/2018 07:25

Pretty sure that all being well you'll be home by then, which means he needs to home to help with baby as well.
Is he seriously valuing your family as worth less than £20 to him? I expect if you put it to him like that he'll realise he's being an arse.

Whwhywhy · 04/11/2018 07:34

You’ll have just had a section. I’ve had 2 and 2 days later picking things up, bending, basic stuff is still hard.

You’re mum has been running about aftert a toddler for 2 days. Is she now suppposed to run after you? You could/will still be struggling to pick up baby to feed. So if you’re in bed in the evening is your mum supposed to run through and organise getting you ready to feed. And cook your tea, and your wee ones tea, and put toddler to bed.

So he can go out? Wanker.

Yogagirl123 · 04/11/2018 07:38

I can’t never understand why anyone would want to go to a work Christmas do, all a load of rubbish IMHO.

But that’s not the question is it. Of course work wouldn’t change the date to accommodate the needs of one staff member. Surely your DH has the opportunity to say, really sorry need to be home for my wife etc. Any employer would understand in those circumstances.

It sounds to me like he wants to go tbh, knows your mum will be on hand to help you, and can’t see a problem, but no YANBU at all OP I completely understand how you feel in the circumstances of course you want DH to be there with you.

But it is only a few hours out of the home and if my DH really wanted to go I wouldn’t be happy, but I wouldn’t row over it either, but I would fully expect a night off in the future too!

Good luck with your new baby.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 04/11/2018 07:42

9-11? I wouldn’t have a problem with it.

bastardkitty · 04/11/2018 07:44

Does he have form for being an absolute fucking idiot?

sofato5miles · 04/11/2018 08:17

I wouldn't have an issue with it in these circumstances.

Bobbybobbins · 04/11/2018 08:21

I would not be very impressed.

thinkingunderthestars · 04/11/2018 08:22

If you are still in hospital and he asks your mum if she is ok to be at home with your three year old then I would say that's fine. But I have had elective sections and have always been at him the next day. So if you are at home there is absolutely no way he should go. You will need his help.