Pregnant and social services. Please help!

[Sillygirl93]

Hi I need some advice & pretty quickly. I will give a quick over view of my situation.

I am due my newborn baby girl December 2018.

I fell pregnant to a man who was both physically and mentally abusive to me. This pregnancy was unplanned and unexpected. My ex partner has left me with substantial injuries during the course of our 3 year relationship so I felt it was best to not mention my pregnancy to him & instead left with my 3 year old son after SS became involved due to domestic violence. However he found out about my pregnancy via third party.

Fast forward the past 8 months and I have had nothing but HASSLE from my ex partner! He has contacted social services about me on a number of occasions, stating I am a drug addict, I am unfit mother, my hostel accommodation is a brothel amongst other allegations which are completely untrue. My 3 year old child was then remove under Interim Care Order due to ex partner stating he had photographic evidence of my son in his flat in his uniform however these pictures were never produced in court.

SS submitted a report of my ex in court, to which the judge branded him as "evil and wicked" then there was a plot twist. MY SOCIAL WORKER ARRANGED A MEETING WITH MY EX TO HAVE HIM APART OF MY PROCEEDINGS!!

I have repeatedly again and again asked my social worker to keep my abusive ex or of my proceedings yet she still continues to meet with him, and tells my ex details about me that I do not wish for him to know. This has lead to me being harassed with abusive calls and text messages, more allegations made to social services and fights amongst my family.

This as a result has made me determined not to want my newborn child. I do not want this man involved in my life or my children's lives. They have requested to remove my child at birth due to the risk my ex partner poses yet they continue to work with this man and open the door for him to create havoc in my life.

I have had 8 months of mental torture to the point I do not wish to have any contact with my newborn daughter once she is born. I need advice as to why my social worker is able to do this when I have requested 100 or more times to keep him away.

Please, my heart is broke but I feel like I have no other option 😔

Social services have a legal duty to include both parents, if they want to be a part of proceedings. I'm sure he has contacted to say he wants to be assessed and they will have to do that.

Is your other child in care?

Your solicitor should be raising your concerns about Local Authority practice if indeed the social worker is sharing confidential information, that is wrong.

In terms of the alleged photographic evidence, did your solicitor raise this as an issue? I can't see a court making an ICO with no evidence and to exclude such a valuable piece of evidence seems suspicious to me.

If they are looking to remove at birth, are there concerns about your parenting or have you stayed in contact with this violent man and placed your children at risk of significant harm?

No no concerns regarding my parenting,my ex partner is deemed the risk that's why I walked away from this man and had no intentions of telling him about my pregnancy.

My solicitor has made the concern and I have raised an issue of complaint to both the courts and the children services trust as no pictures were produced.

If they have no concerns about your parenting and you are not in contact with your ex why have they removed your 3 year old and wanting to remove baby at birth? That's quite a drastic action. They have to meet a threshold to remove.

OP - Mumsnet is not a place where you will believed or understood. As soon as you mention SS or a man being less than great you get a barrage of trollbots all saying everything wrong in the world is your fault and you deserve everything you get.

You need support from somewhere, think about where you can get it - helplines, friends, solicitors. I doubt you will get it here.

Are you in direct contact with your ex? Ss do not remove children from parents without there being substantial risk to their health or wellbeing. Is your ex your ds father, does he have parental responsibility? Is your lifestyle as steady as you want to believe and do you prioritise your dc needs? How is your mh if you have apparently rejected your unborn child? Do you see your ds regularly?

And most importantly have you listened to your sw , followed their recommendations , sought support and advice ?

OP - Mumsnet is not a place where you will believed or understood. As soon as you mention SS or a man being less than great you get a barrage of trollbots all saying everything wrong in the world is your fault and you deserve everything you get.. I’ve been on MN for years and I’ve never seen any evidence of this at all. So far on this thread MNetters seem to be just asking questions that helps them to get a better understanding of the OPs situation which would help them to give better support and information and there’s nothing wrong with that

JiltedJohs - There have mainly been accusatory questions raised so far. The same happens on every thread when the topic of SS comes up. Not everyone on Mumsnet is a helpful, friendly person, some people on here have an agenda.

People are askinng questions because there is obviously huge chunks of info missing from the story. If op wants support then they need to be honest.

Social services have to work with the fathers of children including unborn baby’s fathers.
I would be focusing on advice from your solicitor and asking the local authority what you can do to reduce the risk to your children

Do you have supper in RL?

People are askinng questions because there is obviously huge chunks of info missing from the story. If op wants support then they need to be honest.

This.

OP, there is clearly more to this. They would not remove your child and plan to remove your daughter after birth due to an ex who does not live with you and whom you are not having contact with. That just does not happen and would not meet threshold. I also don't believe they removed your son due to him claiming to have a photo.

You need to be actually honest if you want help

There have mainly been accusatory questions raised so far

I don’t think that’s fair. Someone has explained why the ex is being involved by SS which is helpful info for the OP. The other questions are to try to figure out something that doesn’t make sense on the face of it (the proposal to remove the new baby when it seems like the threshold hasn’t been met)

I am assuming OP means she wants to give up her baby voluntarily not that SS plan to remove the child?

Apollo op said they've requested removal

Is your 3 year old back living with you now, or still in care?

If your ex is harassing you and abusive then you need to contact the police. This will also show SS that you do not want, and are not encouraging contact with him, if this is their concern? You could consider an injunction to prevent further harassment.

However I am confused why they are involving your ex when the reason for the potential removal of your child is because of his behaviour.

You could seek support from:

www.familylives.org.uk/how-we-can-help/

Also, how old are you? I only ask as there is also:

www.frg.org.uk/ypa/need-help-or-advice/child-protection

They are for young parents, but I don't know the age range they support, or their specific criteria. There is lots of useful info on their site regardless.

Yes you are right. I missed that part.

I was asking those questions because, as a child protection social worker, the story doesn't make sense to me. Like a PP said, threshold to remove is not met given the circumstances OP is presenting. I can give professional advice if OP wants to answer the questions honestly. But of course my main advice would be to talk to her solicitor and children's social worker about what she needs to be doing in order to prove she can safely care for her children.

There has to be more to this. They wouldn't remove your son over some photos.

JiltedJohs - There have mainly been accusatory questions raised so far..

Let’s see it as a difference in perception then. I can see informed, intelligent and often Professional MNers wanting to offer support and information but needing more from the OP. You see that the OP isn’t being believed.

Unless you’re in AIBU, I think most MNers are on here to help.

I am being honest & have the documents at hand to prove it. I just wanted some advice on why social services want to continually work alongside a man, that due to his on going abusive behaviour, has cost me my son who isn't even his biological child & is going to cost me my newborn daughter.

I see my son regularly, 4 days a week. My social worker told me directly to my face I had been brought to court the day my son was removed because my ex had said he'd photographic evidence that my son was at his flat. Photographs that do not exist I may add. & no I had no contact with my ex from I found out I was pregnant until my social worker informed me of allegations that had been made.

I don't take drugs, I don't drink alcohol & I am completely at my wits end with social services.

I see people asking about my parenting skills my social worker said there are no concerns regarding my parenting & the risk to my children is abusive ex. I have not been in a relationship with this man in nearly 8 months. I've explained this time & time again to SS.

Has the SW said what you need to do to get your DS back? Could you block your ex so that he can’t contact you?

I can’t see where anyone is questioning your parenting skills.