Pregnant and social services. Please help!

[Sillygirl93]

Hi I need some advice & pretty quickly. I will give a quick over view of my situation.

I am due my newborn baby girl December 2018.

I fell pregnant to a man who was both physically and mentally abusive to me. This pregnancy was unplanned and unexpected. My ex partner has left me with substantial injuries during the course of our 3 year relationship so I felt it was best to not mention my pregnancy to him & instead left with my 3 year old son after SS became involved due to domestic violence. However he found out about my pregnancy via third party.

Fast forward the past 8 months and I have had nothing but HASSLE from my ex partner! He has contacted social services about me on a number of occasions, stating I am a drug addict, I am unfit mother, my hostel accommodation is a brothel amongst other allegations which are completely untrue. My 3 year old child was then remove under Interim Care Order due to ex partner stating he had photographic evidence of my son in his flat in his uniform however these pictures were never produced in court.

SS submitted a report of my ex in court, to which the judge branded him as "evil and wicked" then there was a plot twist. MY SOCIAL WORKER ARRANGED A MEETING WITH MY EX TO HAVE HIM APART OF MY PROCEEDINGS!!

I have repeatedly again and again asked my social worker to keep my abusive ex or of my proceedings yet she still continues to meet with him, and tells my ex details about me that I do not wish for him to know. This has lead to me being harassed with abusive calls and text messages, more allegations made to social services and fights amongst my family.

This as a result has made me determined not to want my newborn child. I do not want this man involved in my life or my children's lives. They have requested to remove my child at birth due to the risk my ex partner poses yet they continue to work with this man and open the door for him to create havoc in my life.

I have had 8 months of mental torture to the point I do not wish to have any contact with my newborn daughter once she is born. I need advice as to why my social worker is able to do this when I have requested 100 or more times to keep him away.

Please, my heart is broke but I feel like I have no other option 😔

My social worker hasnt see me face to face in a matter of weeks. She rings maybe once a week. I have been waiting on doing Women's Aid work from last September, SS have not chased this up so I have done so myself. I had agreed to a safe guarding contracts, one for 2 weeks & the same safeguarding for a further 2 weeks on a verbal agreement. I changed my phone number twice to prove I've no contact with ex partner but social worker continually rings him & sets up meetings that I do not know about until a few days after the meetings are done. I'm feeling my only option at this stage is to put newborn daughter into the care system. I have not enjoyed my pregnancy. I am not willing to allow this man to come in and create more havoc for my 3 year old son as his daddy had passed away, my son has been through enough. In my opinion putting my newborn into care is the safest option for everybody involved in the situation. Can I ask to be removed from anything to do with newborn or will this go against me with SS?

I’m sorry OP I don’t have any experience. I hope you can contact your SW and they make it plain what you need to do to get your son back.

I fear your rejection of your baby may be one of the reasons ss are concerned. Is he definitely your dd's father (apologies but your other threads queried this) ? Have you entirely severed contact including social media , relatives/friends and so on. How does he know where you are and where your ds is at school? If he is not your ds f then I'm not sure why SS would be so insistent on contact. What support do you have in RL.

I'm no.expert on this but I would request a meeting with the SW and bring someone with you. Then in that meeting I would ask for answers to these questions-

1. What needs to happen to get your son back?
2. Why are they continually engaging with ex if he is seen as being the risk?
3. What will happen when your child is born if, again, your ex is the abusive person?

I would get those answers in writing too

If you could answer some of the questions asked on this thread Silly it would be hugely helpful to those wanting to give you advice

LizS: At the start of my pregnancy I was overjoyed to have been pregnant as I love my children very much. I had queries until my scan dates began to match my own dates which puts my abusive ex completely in the frame and no other men close to this date unfortunately. I do not use social media, I am not on Facebook either. I have not explained to SS that I wish to give up the child as of yet however I do have a meeting on Wednesday 7th November where I plan to do so. The safety of these children is my main concern I have expressed this to social services and have undergone protective parenting work between April & May of this year. I have no intentions of reconciling with my ex. I have stated this numerous times to SS with no avail. My SW accuses me of being dishonest with her and stated to me "why would we allow a more vulnerable child to return home with you after the hospital?" which in turn had hurt my feelings.

I'm at the end of my tether with social services. I love my son, more than anything in the world. Im not a bad mum 😔 I took my son & newborn out of the abusive situation and still nothing productive has happened. They've ripped out my hole heart. All I know is my son & all he knows is me. 😔

I've just read one of your posts elsewhere.

You broke up with this guy on 4th March before you knew you were pregnant. You then drunkenly slept with another guy a few days later.

So you do drink and if, as you claim, you broke up with this guy due to being pregnant, you must've gone back to him knowing what he was like.

It is what it is BUT do you not think that's not a great start? You need to be honest with us now.

I'm also concerned about your rejection of the baby and, sorry, I think something isn't quite right for you to want that due to a few phonecalls!

A few phone calls?? No sorry, wrong!! This man has broke my nose, my ribs, tried to bite off my nose, choked me to the point I have irreversible damage on my vocal cords, black eyes, chipped teeth & at one stage put hair removing cream on my hair leaving me COMPLETELY BALD at the top of my head. He has threatened my family, my mothers house, my nieces and nephews lives etc. This isn't about a few phone calls this is about the RISK to my children from SS giving this man information about me.

Yes 8 months ago I had a drink and hadnt drank from New Years Eve & haven't had one since what's the problem with that? I'm not a heavy drinker. I smoke cigarettes and drink on very rare occasions.

What he done to you in the past (horrific) isn't what is happening now though. You do not see him, right? You can move if you do see him. Social services would only remove the kids due to him if he was in full contact.

No problem with you drinking aside from the fact you said you don't drink. It's little slights like that that can look dubious to others.

IF (and that's a giant if!) Social Services want to remove your children due to him it will not be due to him as such, but because they think you are unable or unwilling to safefuard them from him. You need to think about why this is and go from there

Was all of this before you left him or since? If it’s since you’ve left, it might explain why you haven’t got custody of your child.

If you’re smoking, had the SW suggested giving that up?

If you’re not a heavy drinker, how much do you normally drink in a day?

And as for going back to this man, it never happened. Ur right it was March we'd split up. I've got my months confused.

Sorry cross posted with Triptrap.

You did though, you said so yourself in your other thread. You got back with him a couple of weeks later. You need to think about what you're saying and be totally honest or nobody will be able to help you, and that counts in real life too

When I go out on rare occasions I would do shots & stuff like a normal 24 year old does. Mixed with say 7 spirit drinks doesn't hold very well for me I admit.

As well as saying that you haven’t got back with him, you’ve also said that you haven’t had a drink since NY but on your other thread you’ve had drunken sex with another man. Which is fine but if you’re going through the process of trying to get your son back, you really do need to start being honest with yourself and others.

It’s little inconsistencies like this that you need to get straight.

Has the SW said that you need to stay sober?

No SW has no concerns about my drinking and done drugs test to prove allegations were false also.

JiltedJohnsJulie what I said was I drank in March, and didn't have a drink from New Years before that. I dont drink now as I'm pregnant but I do smoke.

How terribly sad. Do you actually want the new baby or do you feel forced to give her up? It seems you've given up.

What steps do you have to take to get your son back? I'm really very sorry you've been through hell and are in this shitty situation but I'm afraid I think there's so much more going on here than you're letting on.

It's like the SW story that is told that they come in and snatch your child for no reason. There is always a reason. And it's usually massive. Agree that you need to lay all of your cards on the table if you genuinely want help. I couldn't give my children up like this,I would fight my last breath for them.

Going back to Paternity. Are you sure this baby is your Ex’s? You say that it’s been answered in your Paternity thread but I can’t see any answers, just MNers suggestion a DNA test when the baby arrives.

Is there anyway you can get yourself to a woman’s aid refuge? They offer brilliant support and can set up excellent legal advice, support and change of names etc. You could contact your city council or 101 and ask for domestic violence and abuse. I appreciate you no longer live with ex but he’s still having a huge impact on you and your child and unborn baby.

Don't put his name on the birth certificate. He won't have parental rights then