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Original poster

Was there a better way to have handled DD's bedtime tonight?

34 replies

Rainatnight · 27/10/2018 21:31

DD is 2.4, and probably averagely compliant/oppositional for her age!

I'm usually pretty ok at handling her and most of the time can cajole, give closed choices etc, and get to an end that satisfies everyone (though not all the time of course). But tonight's bedtime was a total disaster.

She didn't want her bath. Fine. She's allowed instead to have a 'sponge down' if she doesn't want a bath. But she wouldn't leave our bedroom for a sponge down and stayed rooted at the door of our wardrobe (random).

I did lots of 'let's play with your new bubble bath, race you to the bathroom' kind of thing but she wasn't budging.

So I rolled out the natural consequences - there won't be time for a story if you kee messing around and not listening to me. So come for sponge down or no story.

Not budging. Playing with an umbrella (random, again).

Managed to get her into PJs.

Offered her bottle, she didn't want it. I followed through on no story. Brought toothbrush to our bedroom so she can brush her teeth. Did that.

She was playing with a toy, I took it from her and said time for bed, if you don't want your bottle. Put her in the cot. She cried and didn't want to go to bed. I said it was time to sleep. Took her ages to go to sleep and quite a few reassuring trips into the room

So. It just felt kind of shitty not to do a bedtime story. I've NEVER not done this. But I felt if she wasn't going alone with what was already the compromise (sponge down), then I had to do something. Or did it?

What would you have done? Was there a more graceful way of handling it all?

Some background for us at the moment -

  • I've had a slipped disc, so it's been a shitty few weeks for us all
  • Slipped disc means I can't physically pick her up and bring her to, e.g., the bathroom
  • My dad died recently following a serious illness so it's been a shitty few months for us all from that point of view
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Original poster
Rainatnight · 27/10/2018 21:34

update - it took her more than an HOUR to go asleep. Calling me, crying, etc I thought she might be hungry, as she'd had no bottle and didn't eat much of her dinner either, so I gave her a banana and she fell asleep.

I'm knackered!

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Original poster
Rainatnight · 27/10/2018 21:38

sorry this was so long

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Squeakybubbles26 · 27/10/2018 21:38

I didn't want to read and run, I think every parent has their battles and they choose what to do what's best at the time and often reflect after. Tomorrow is another day. I'm sorry for the loss of your father. 

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shouldwestayorshouldwego · 27/10/2018 21:43

Parenting is a long haul, you can't worry about each little set back. On the bright side with the hour change she might sleep later than she would have done and her body clock has been reset!

motortroll · 27/10/2018 21:44

I think you did just fine. You probably feel awful because you love her and you can't do everything for her atm not to mention emotions running high.

She'll be fine in the morning (unless she's ill....this is one reason my kids act weird at bedtime tbh!)

My girl is older (4) but I've had a bad back recently and she knows I can't manhandle her (by which I mean pick her up and take her to the bathroom etc) so she's been pushing boundaries!

Tbh you sound calmer than I would be. I'm a bit shouty!!

queenjosephine · 27/10/2018 21:45

Oh, sounds like you've had a lot of awful stuff happen to you recently.
I'm always feeling guilty about things in relation to my daughter - tomorrow's another day & I hope you're feeling better soon Smile

TwllBach · 27/10/2018 21:45

DS is the same age and I think i would probably had handled it the same way. It’s harder to do immediate consequences at bedtime I find, because the only one is basically no story! I’d feel bad too, but as an outsider I think you should congratulate yourself for getting through it without losing your temper and for identifying that she needed the banana. You didn’t just leave her to cry, you went in to comfort. I think you did a good job, OP.

Mishappening · 27/10/2018 21:47

If this is new behaviour, then maybe something has frightened her and the idea of being alone and in the dark is more than she can cope with.

But please do not beat yourself up at the idea that you think you may not have dealt with this situation perfectly - perfection? - what is that? Smile You will do (or omit to do) a lot worse things than this as the years pass!

MrWolfknowsthetime · 27/10/2018 21:49

Maybe she really wasn't tired?

TeachesOfPeaches · 27/10/2018 21:51

Unless she is absolutely filthy I wouldn't bother with the bath/sponge battle.

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 27/10/2018 21:53

I think you did just fine. You were firm but kind and in the end she went to sleep with something in her belly knowing that her mum is there for her.
Sometimes toddlers are just going to act up and there is no way of handling it that wouldn't end in tears and trauma!
It's easy to over analyse and beat yourself up but probably best to just chalk it up to just being a bit of a shit bedtime and move on. Read her some extra stories tomorrow if it makes you feel better but honestly, she's probably forgotten all about it!
Sorry about your dad and the shit time in general Flowers

UnaOfStormhold · 27/10/2018 21:54

Hindsight is a wonderful thing but at the time you did the best you could, don't feel bad. If you find yourself in that kind of situation again, it might be worth sympathising and trying to find out what's causing the refusal; "wow, you really don't want to go, are you scared of something?" This of course gets easier to do as they get more able to understand and express themselves, but I'd say it's worth trying. "How to talk so little kids will listen" has loads of ideas that can help to reframe conflicts.

Original poster
Rainatnight · 27/10/2018 22:07

Gosh, thank you all so much. I'm actually getting a bit teary, you're all so kind. Yes, I think I'm probably overthinking cos it's been a shit time. But it's reassuring to know objective outsiders think it's one to chalk up and move on.

Una, I was desperately trying to remember the techniques from that book, and couldn't! Maybe I need a refresher read.

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Original poster
Rainatnight · 27/10/2018 22:09

Mishappening, I was definitely about bathroom rather than bed/dark, though I see where you're coming from. And I got the strong sense it was about pushing boundaries rather than fear (which I'm usually pretty good at spotting).

MrWolf I'm sure you're right. Her nap was too long.

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shallichangemyname · 27/10/2018 22:46

I'm another one for wondering if she's going to be ill tonight.....

shallichangemyname · 27/10/2018 22:47

I used to line the floor around the bed/cot with old towels in such occasions. Good luck!

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 27/10/2018 22:54

Is she still in a cot with sides? At 2.4 she might be feeling a bit hemmed in at night, it will be getting to be a small space for her and she can’t get up and out when she wants. It could also be dangerous if she tries to get out.

Bobbiepin · 27/10/2018 22:55

You can't force her go eat but you can lay out consequences for her behaviour and stick to them as you did. You're teaching her a far more important lesson. You start tomorrow fresh, hopefully she's not ill and get on. It can be so trying but you're doing a good job.

donkeysandzebras · 27/10/2018 23:17

I think you what you did was fine. The only thing I realised with both of mine (who are very different children) was that they really valued the cuddles that come with having their bedtime story so it was much more of a punishment than I perceived it to be and, without that familiar bit of the routine and the key cuddles, they were always a bit unsettled when they went down. So I stopped using bedtime stories as a threat as the consequences of missing that far outweighed the benefits of using it as a disciplinary tool.

Original poster
Rainatnight · 27/10/2018 23:22

On being ill, she's getting over a cough/cold, and has a lingering cough, which isn't helping. But I hadn't thought about a puking bug Shock

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Rainatnight · 28/10/2018 00:31

donkeys you've articulated exactly my worry about it.

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differentnameforthis · 28/10/2018 00:43

What's her routine normally and how does she usually go with that?

Her seeing that you will not lift her, and then did not read her a story is going to knock her off kilter, she is going to wonder what is going on that you are withdrawing from her. I know that you are not doing that, because I am an adult, but she is 2 and won't know that!

differentnameforthis · 28/10/2018 00:51

And I got the strong sense it was about pushing boundaries rather than fear She's 2. I doubt it was about that at all. Children that age aren't trying to piss us off or move their boundaries.

The getting over an illness and the fact you coudn't lift her/didn't read with her are more likely to be the factors here than her not wanting to go to bed.

Creaci · 28/10/2018 00:57

About two kids ago I stopped threatening to/following through on taking away the story because it ends up being a consequence for me! They need it to settle and feel safe so I always read the story even if it's through gritted teeth some nights. I also don't think at 2 they have any concept of time whatsoever so saying you won't have time is rather meaningless.

Original poster
Rainatnight · 28/10/2018 06:28

Yep, different and Creaci, as you'll have seen, I'm all good for beating myself up and knowing it wasn't brilliant. I was specifically looking for ideas of how to do it differently.

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