Was there a better way to have handled DD's bedtime tonight?

[Rainatnight]

DD is 2.4, and probably averagely compliant/oppositional for her age!

I'm usually pretty ok at handling her and most of the time can cajole, give closed choices etc, and get to an end that satisfies everyone (though not all the time of course). But tonight's bedtime was a total disaster.

She didn't want her bath. Fine. She's allowed instead to have a 'sponge down' if she doesn't want a bath. But she wouldn't leave our bedroom for a sponge down and stayed rooted at the door of our wardrobe (random).

I did lots of 'let's play with your new bubble bath, race you to the bathroom' kind of thing but she wasn't budging.

So I rolled out the natural consequences - there won't be time for a story if you kee messing around and not listening to me. So come for sponge down or no story.

Not budging. Playing with an umbrella (random, again).

Managed to get her into PJs.

Offered her bottle, she didn't want it. I followed through on no story. Brought toothbrush to our bedroom so she can brush her teeth. Did that.

She was playing with a toy, I took it from her and said time for bed, if you don't want your bottle. Put her in the cot. She cried and didn't want to go to bed. I said it was time to sleep. Took her ages to go to sleep and quite a few reassuring trips into the room

So. It just felt kind of shitty not to do a bedtime story. I've NEVER not done this. But I felt if she wasn't going alone with what was already the compromise (sponge down), then I had to do something. Or did it?

What would you have done? Was there a more graceful way of handling it all?

Some background for us at the moment -

• I've had a slipped disc, so it's been a shitty few weeks for us all
• Slipped disc means I can't physically pick her up and bring her to, e.g., the bathroom
• My dad died recently following a serious illness so it's been a shitty few months for us all from that point of view

You’re clearly such a loving mum. I pick my battles so would probably have left the bath/sponge down and said something like ‘you really don’t want one tonight do you? Ok, we can wash you in the morning instead if you like’. I like the book toddler calm. X

Agh you did better than I would have done tbh. My youngest is 3 and will certainly act up if he knows we are in a rush or need him to go to bed nicely.

Do you read just one story? We read three (short ones) with the last one always the same one about how no matter what we’ll always love him. I read the same one to my eldest too. I’ll drop the other stories but I always read/say the lines of the last one which seems to keep the consistency/reassurance that they need. Maybe that’s an idea?

Not trying to beat you up or add to what you are already feeling. Juts pointing out that it isn't boundary linked and she isn't pushing your buttons.

What I should have added to that is ... when I know that it isn't my dd trying to "wind" me up, or antagonise me, it is far easier to see things from her POV and not have to be the one in control.

She’ll be fine. I would have abandoned the sponge idea straight away, it’s really doesn’t matter everyday unless it’s for medical needs. Also if they’re not tired there’s not much you can do but wait it out. Could you cuddle her on your bed for a bit so you’re not doing your back in? Basically make things as stress free and comfortable for yourself as possible, don’t sweat the small stuff.

The only thing I'd add is that our bedtime routine has 2 stories, that way I can threaten to take away one for messing around but without actually losing the cuddle calm down time. I'm probably slower doing the one as well, so they don't really lose much at all, but still have a consequence. I don't know if that would work for you?

I n my own limited experience, not doing the bath/sponge down would set a precedent. I don't know the answer being as you couldn't pick her up but in my case I would have picked up or wakes by hand to the bathroom. Wash and teeth. I wouldn't withdraw stories or any aspect of the bedtime routine really as it tends to have consequences. Maybe less reading. But same routune . Ds1 is 3.5 and if I "give in" to something like not wanting a wash it makes life difficult at wash/bath time for weeks to come.

I'm all about picking your battles. I wouldn't have bothered with bath or sponge down and would have just read some stories to settle her before bed. We gave up the cot at 18m and my toddler has a mattress on the floor instead so we lie together until he falls asleep.

I really feel for you OP. I am having similar struggles relating to nappy changing etc and I feel my DD is pushing limits as I restricted mobility wise due to being 35 weeks pregnant and unable to walk properly due to plantar fascitis in my ankle. DD is def picking up on my struggling! However my DD is going through a defiant phase whereas your might be just feeling under the weather?Every day is a new day as I keep telling myself!