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Parenting

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Original poster

Cant stay home all day with DS. End of maternity regrets

38 replies

Jellybabie3 · 26/10/2018 06:21

So I am back to work on tuesday and I am now beating myself up about all the things I did or didnt do.

Its occurred to me that I have taken DS out (now 12.5mo) pretty much everyday. And alot of the time for no good reason. So I wake up and think we have nothing to do (yay) then spend all morning scouring my brain for something I need or somewhere we can go that day. I feel really really selfish now.

This week for example...
Mon: baby group in morn in town. Afternoon shopping (ds slept) then baby weigh in
Tues: half term so trip out to kids place with his older cousin to a farm albeit very little for DS could do so he was in buggy for a long time
Wed: coffee out with grandparents to see fish (at a center) food shop in the avo
Thurs: should have been home all day but convinced myself at 1pm we needed to go to sainsburys for DS socks so took him after his nap. Home 4pm after a trip also round ikea...

That's what I do. Think of some crap we need and go. Chopped tomatoes or toothpaste...

Why aren't i happy staying home all day with him. He's my absolute world, i adore him. I just cant sit in four walls. Its so selfish right?

I can count only a handful of times we've stayed home all day and that was mainly through illness. No PJ days nothing. Even when he was tiny I got up at the same time as husband does for work.

I feel like a crap mum for not devoting more 1 to 1 time.

OP posts:

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SelinaMyers · 26/10/2018 06:24

I don’t think you are selfish at all OP. DD has only been out of hospital 4 days and we’ve gone out every day. You would go crackers if you stay inside.
I think your week sounds good wonderfully balanced.

Cantchooseaname · 26/10/2018 06:27

Sounds completely fine. Don’t regret what you can’t change. Think of it positively- I took my ds to so many nice places- farms, cafes, shops. It’s really not a problem. I can never stay home all day- I go a bit crazy. Easier now she can talk, but we still head out for a random reason most days.
Going back to work is a huge change for everyone. Be gentle to yourself, lots of time ahead of pj days, if that’s what you want.

Mokepon · 26/10/2018 06:27

When you have a baby your life does not end. And babies are not really especially interesting creatures.
Sweet, heart-melting, pooping, eating and sleeping machines.
Getting out and about is good for you both. You keep your sanity and baby gets fresh air and a different view.
Anyway, now you see the ridiculous parental guilt we all put ourselves through..there is always another choice, you just have to accept the ones you make and try not to beat yourself up over them.

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mnahmnah · 26/10/2018 06:27

I did exactly the same on both my mat leaves. Except I didn’t ever think I was a crap mum for getting out of the house with him. I felt worse if we stayed in, that seemed more ‘can’t be bothered’ to me. I think it does them the world of good to get out, see other places, other people, fresh air. Sounds like you did a great job so really don’t beat yourself up! You’ve got the end of mat leave blues. I remember crying on my way to the last music class we were going to!

Justanewname · 26/10/2018 06:28

I spent the early months of maternity leave feeling guilty for not getting out of the house enough! I think getting out and about is a good thing,especially for older babies.

blueskiesandforests · 26/10/2018 06:29

You're socialising him. As long as he gets time on the floor to develop his gross and fine motor skills and play it's good for him to leave the house each day. The stimulation of watching other humans and aspects of his environment, smelling new smells, hearing new sounds, being exposed to sunlight while outdoors and interacting with those who smile at or chat to him, is an important part of the socialisation and intellectual development process for young children.

DreamingofSunshine · 26/10/2018 06:30

I think getting out is a good thing to do, sounds like you've been doing lots of nice things with him.

Original poster

Jellybabie3 · 26/10/2018 06:31

Just thinking 3 hours of yesterday was spent pushing him about with barely any interaction (albeit he slept for an hour). Hes 1 now and full of beans - I should have been playing/taking him somewhere age appropriate instead of using our time for such stupid things. I mean I have done this for a YEAR. If not I find somewhere different to go for a cup of coffee just to get out. Thats stupid right??

OP posts:

blueskiesandforests · 26/10/2018 06:33

I used to childmind - there was one childminding couple in my area whose selling point was that they never left their house and garden with the kids - very cautious parents prefered them. However all the rest of us went out and about with the kids daily, because children need to experience the wider world and be part of their community. Socialisation is a major part of parenting. Children with limited contact with the world outside their window do badly compared to those who are integrated and stimulated and socialised by experiencing and being part of the wider world.

A trip to the supermarket is part of that.

Original poster

Jellybabie3 · 26/10/2018 06:34

He does get time on the floor. At a minimum maybe 2-3 hours a day as we always have pre breakfast and from 4-7 when daddy is home.

Thats a kicker as he's all 'daddy daddy daddy' now (which is wonderful dont get me wrong but also makes me a tad jealous!)

OP posts:

Original poster

Jellybabie3 · 26/10/2018 06:36

He's not walking yet which has made it a little tricky. So the trip to the farm for example was a full day but so muddy he couldnt really get out of the pram. Plus there was the drive there and back so he was cooped up alot. Mum guilt is awful.

OP posts:

ThursdaysChildHasFarToGo · 26/10/2018 06:36

I have always made an effort to get our most days with dd since she was born, more for her than me. Even on a mundane trip to Sainsbury's she's able to get new experiences, see different faces, interact with different people. I feel guilty if I haven't taken her out somewhere in a day. As your baby gets older there are more age appropriate things you can take her to but at just 1 year there isn't an awful lot. Don't beat yourself up, you've given her lots of excellent experiences.

blueskiesandforests · 26/10/2018 06:37

2 awake hours without interaction isnt great though - that's a bit odd! I'd imagine you interact more than you think you do though. I doubt a 1 year old would sit quietly awake for 2 hours in a buggy if you were really ignoring him. Chatting, stroking his hair, eye contact and a smile are all interaction - it doesn't have to be full on cbeeebies presenter mode.

ThursdaysChildHasFarToGo · 26/10/2018 06:38

Sorry him!

Original poster

Jellybabie3 · 26/10/2018 06:42

@blueskiesandforests yeah of course i dont ignore him. I do all those things. Its just different now hes forward facing in the pram

OP posts:

blueskiesandforests · 26/10/2018 06:47

You said barely any interaction - but clearly that isnt the case so stop beating yourself up and get on with enjoying your last 4 days of leave!

Lightsdown · 26/10/2018 06:51

Don't be daft! Dc love being out and about. I was hardly ever in - aimed to be out by 10 most days. Mine are strapping social chatty grown up girls now.

memaymamo · 26/10/2018 06:56

I'm struggling to understand the problem here. I think what you're describing is a perfectly fine way to manage life with a baby.

gerispringer · 26/10/2018 06:57

I think you’d go stir crazy cooped up with a baby all day. Getting out and about is important even if only a stroll round the park. Does you both good for lots of reasons outlined above. A baby is rarely the centre of attention 24/7 as you’ll find if and when you have baby no 2.

4point2fleet · 26/10/2018 06:58

As nicely as possible, you need to give your head a wobble and stop being a drama queen.

That is what you are supposed to do with babies. It is how they learn. A trip to ASDA is like a school day if you are a toddler. As someone said up thread, it is essential socialisation and it builds their social capital.

I chose a childminder over nursery for the very reason that DS would be able to continue going to the corner shop/ the school run/ random walks and be part of his community.

bluetrampolines · 26/10/2018 07:00

Sounds like a lovely time.

Original poster

Jellybabie3 · 26/10/2018 07:04

@4point2fleet wobbling head

Albeit i think its more return to work blues (and first period in a year...sob) than drama queen

OP posts:

user1499173618 · 26/10/2018 07:08

Babies and preschoolers need to go out! One of the reasons I don’t like nurseries is that the environment is very insular. I wanted my DC to experience as much of the world as possible and we went all over the place!

SnuggyBuggy · 26/10/2018 07:12

I try to do something every day with DD, I think it's good for her to see different things, especially with no siblings.

WhirlwindHugs · 26/10/2018 07:13

This is the irrational mum guilt.

I think it sounds fab, and he's had a great time going to different places and people watching. Babies love that!

You don't stop being the person you were when you have children, and luckily, most of the time your kids share a reasonable number of personality traits with you. Sounds like you both prefer going out every day.

Perfect!

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