Cant stay home all day with DS. End of maternity regrets

[Jellybabie3]

So I am back to work on tuesday and I am now beating myself up about all the things I did or didnt do.

Its occurred to me that I have taken DS out (now 12.5mo) pretty much everyday. And alot of the time for no good reason. So I wake up and think we have nothing to do (yay) then spend all morning scouring my brain for something I need or somewhere we can go that day. I feel really really selfish now.

This week for example...
Mon: baby group in morn in town. Afternoon shopping (ds slept) then baby weigh in
Tues: half term so trip out to kids place with his older cousin to a farm albeit very little for DS could do so he was in buggy for a long time
Wed: coffee out with grandparents to see fish (at a center) food shop in the avo
Thurs: should have been home all day but convinced myself at 1pm we needed to go to sainsburys for DS socks so took him after his nap. Home 4pm after a trip also round ikea...

That's what I do. Think of some crap we need and go. Chopped tomatoes or toothpaste...

Why aren't i happy staying home all day with him. He's my absolute world, i adore him. I just cant sit in four walls. Its so selfish right?

I can count only a handful of times we've stayed home all day and that was mainly through illness. No PJ days nothing. Even when he was tiny I got up at the same time as husband does for work.

I feel like a crap mum for not devoting more 1 to 1 time.

I was so confused when I read your post... I couldn’t see what the issue was!

I’d go insane staying in. I have to go out everyday, even if just for a long walk. It’s healthy to move about and get out! Nothing wrong with that at all!

That's an odd way of looking at it. I feel guilty if I don't take my two (2.5 and 6 months) out. Also I get very bored and our house is very small and I can't stand mess so go out everyday even if just to the library, supermarket or coffee shop.

Thanks all. I'm clearly having a wobble this morn - stupid hormones. Thanks for making me see how silly I am being.

Hope you are feeling better now op. What you describe is exactly what I did with both my kids! They are happy, sociable little people now, a trip to Sainsbury's/the dry cleaners/swings is all part of normal life. Under 3 they don't really appreciate most of the whizz-bang, exciting things anyway!

I went out every single day come rain come shine, even if I was ill or knackered, when my children were small. A day cooped up in the house could feel like the day from hell. My NCT group all felt the same, I think.

Babies love a change of scenery, new things to look at, new people to meet.

You can't fill 12 hours with shaking rattles at them or letting them lie under the baby gym. Imo that keeps them entertained for about 10 minutes and then they're like "ok what's next?"!

Yes thanks. I think its all the emotions coming at me at once. I will be going back part time 3 days, so will have 2 week days with DS but these have already been assigned, one for swim class and the other to still do the coffee morning with his grandparents. I love doing these things but maybe its the thought that I now cant have a day at home in pjs... Its stupid I know.

That said I am actually deliberating whether we can squeeze in a baby group after swimming.... He loves socialising with other babies and all the different toys. It won't leave much time for nap (he would have to sleep in the car for half hour) and lunch. Its so tough working out what's best for them.

I have a one year old DS too and I’m the same, I have to get out at least once a day but I think he does too. I’ve had a couple of pj days when I’ve been really exhausted and I can tell he gets a bit restless. So now even if it’s for a walk down the beach or park I make sure we go out. Anyway you sound like a fab mum who has made the most of their Mat leave and your DS sounds like a happy socialable boy because of it!

Don’t feel guilty! He is getting loads of stimulation being out of the house even if he is in the pram or car.
For what it’s worth I feel so guilty when I stay in all day. I have a 17 month old and I’m 35 weeks pregnant with my second. I used to go out to 1 or 2 groups every day and lately I’m struggling to walk and don’t drive so we are just stuck in the house and I feel guilty about that. I bet your son is having a great time on your trips out.

Thank you. I do feel silly for posting. It seems such a stupid thing to be upset about as I probably would have complained being in all the time. Its just so difficult working out whats best for him but also appreciating my own mental health matters. I had an emergency c section and a very long difficult attempt at birth prior to that so was forced to rest up and stay in hospital and home for a couple of months. I found it so difficult at the time as the clocks had also just gone back so it was dark, cold and rather lonely at the time. I think when i could finally go out I hit everything hard and just havent stopped. I have found taking him out easier as atleast I had people around me (albeit not necessarily to talk to) I have met some lovely people too as a result.

I appreciate all of the comments. Its freezing here today so we are having a long family weekend at home with Daddy with a walk about our village. Monday will be our last baby group before going back to work on Tuesday. Fingers crossed our new routine will fall into place quickly and the new 'normal' wont seem so bad....

I always took my son out every day when I was on maternity leave. We did baby groups/library/walks/Tesco but I had to go out everyday or we would both go stir crazy. They get lots of stimulation/fresh air when you go out and it's good for them.

DS is 4 now and we are currently on half term - we'll probably still go out every day

Why aren't i happy staying home all day with him. He's my absolute world, i adore him. I just cant sit in four walls. Its so selfish right?

Um, I can tell you're having a hard time right now, but seriously love, have you lost your bloody mind?! You're not happy staying within the confines of the house all day because you're not a bloody nannybot. It would be shit for your mental health. And it would be shit for your DS. He needs fresh air, outings, varied stimulation. All of which he's clearly getting.

Seriously, you're going to have to simmer down quite a bit or you're going to make yourself miserable. Your DS is fine, great even. You're more than good enough. You are going back to work. You're not going to stop being a human being with needs. What is the point of the guilt? Jettison it.

This is mum guilt at it's finest. I'd feel rubbish if we stayed all day indoors that I hadn't provided any outdoor time. And if we went somewhere it'd be guilt she was in the pram or car for too long! You're doing fine And what Zack said, we aren't nannybots, we need a bit of variety in our day.

DD is starting nursery in 2 weeks, my final week with her and the mum guilt is strong. But I want to keep my hand in with work, for what I do my pay is excellent and we need the income.

Bloody hate mum guilt though, was talking to a friend about it and we asked our respective husbands who were with us if they felt anything like it, met with a chorus of "nope!"

Yeah mum guilt is crap. I wouldn't go back to work but I am the 'breadwinner' and I have been off for 14 months so need to start earning (i did save for well over a year prior to ttc to have this time with DS). Inam going back part time 3 days so I am grateful for that. Just gutted its over. And now instantly want another baby....which is crazy as I havent slept for what feels like a lifetime